goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 831
To think only a week ago i was genuinely ready to go and then i ended up meeting and getting close to this friend in such a rapid time
Funnily enough the reason i ended up messaging them is because i saw them posting something about ending it that day (not on here) naturally taking abit of the SS approach i made it very clear with them i had no intention of talking them out of such an action more wanting to understand their story what brought them there,and also to make sure they didn't do something rash that would only make things worse
Long story short they didn't go through the plans felt much better to not only discuss their difficulties and issues but actually to have someone understand them on a deeper level and honestly i felt the same way about them…i just fell into a hole of attachment for them
There was a day a few days after we spoke i planned to go and boy did they freak out and honestly i never blamed them…I would've done the same in their position going all your life being misunderstood and not validated by everyone then the one time someone understands you they leave
Naturally i backed out of the decision and frankly idk if i was ready anymore with them anyhow besides i guess i wanted to spend more time with them plus its only fair they got to know me more too i suppose
We flash back a week later to now we have called everyday spent alot of time with one another watched stuff together had plans to play together even sang to them and did some impressions i ever so love
40+ hours we called this weekend how sweet right? But now we enter a new week were they will be semi busy for some time…but after this week free time should be abundance to them…so i guess my question is should i try to go this week because beyoud that it will basically be like being on suicide watch because its not like i want to distance myself from them because frankly i enjoy being with them
However i don't see a future within myself not necessarily with them but myself as i will always grief moan and think about blue and all the other hurtful hateful and toxic people i've had through out my life and so on
I even told them "let's just enjoy whatever time we have left together and just remember the fond memories when i go" their aware i'm not around for long
I'm aware no one can tell me "what to do" as such..that much i am aware of…i guess this is more of a vent of a dilemma and a report of were my head is at currently
Because despite all the good quality time i spend with them my thoughts and feelings for my former frjend specifcally have only became more aggressive and prominent…but I can't say I haven't felt a ton of happiness with my current friend either even though i still have had short suicidal spells panic attacks and depressive episodes…so yea
My excessive time with them is also why my activity on here has reduced significantly that may go up now within these next couple of days especially if I choose to checkout which i can never really be certain of until the moment whenever that arrises
Funnily enough the reason i ended up messaging them is because i saw them posting something about ending it that day (not on here) naturally taking abit of the SS approach i made it very clear with them i had no intention of talking them out of such an action more wanting to understand their story what brought them there,and also to make sure they didn't do something rash that would only make things worse
Long story short they didn't go through the plans felt much better to not only discuss their difficulties and issues but actually to have someone understand them on a deeper level and honestly i felt the same way about them…i just fell into a hole of attachment for them
There was a day a few days after we spoke i planned to go and boy did they freak out and honestly i never blamed them…I would've done the same in their position going all your life being misunderstood and not validated by everyone then the one time someone understands you they leave
Naturally i backed out of the decision and frankly idk if i was ready anymore with them anyhow besides i guess i wanted to spend more time with them plus its only fair they got to know me more too i suppose
We flash back a week later to now we have called everyday spent alot of time with one another watched stuff together had plans to play together even sang to them and did some impressions i ever so love
40+ hours we called this weekend how sweet right? But now we enter a new week were they will be semi busy for some time…but after this week free time should be abundance to them…so i guess my question is should i try to go this week because beyoud that it will basically be like being on suicide watch because its not like i want to distance myself from them because frankly i enjoy being with them
However i don't see a future within myself not necessarily with them but myself as i will always grief moan and think about blue and all the other hurtful hateful and toxic people i've had through out my life and so on
I even told them "let's just enjoy whatever time we have left together and just remember the fond memories when i go" their aware i'm not around for long
I'm aware no one can tell me "what to do" as such..that much i am aware of…i guess this is more of a vent of a dilemma and a report of were my head is at currently
Because despite all the good quality time i spend with them my thoughts and feelings for my former frjend specifcally have only became more aggressive and prominent…but I can't say I haven't felt a ton of happiness with my current friend either even though i still have had short suicidal spells panic attacks and depressive episodes…so yea
My excessive time with them is also why my activity on here has reduced significantly that may go up now within these next couple of days especially if I choose to checkout which i can never really be certain of until the moment whenever that arrises
