So unfair

[Ailashan]

Laying in my bed right now, as usual. It's the end of this day. Feel tired, sad, hurt as usual. Had to force myself to study even though i hate it, because otherwise my familly sees me as a failure. They want me to spend my life studying to become a prestigious scientist or whatever bullshit they are talking about. I'm just living to make them proud, so that they can put the weight of their own dreams they failed to accomplish on my shoulder. Have to be the perfect son, hardworking, docile to its parents, studying a lot, doing physical exercise otherwise i am nothing but trash at their eyes. I used to love science, how ironic. Conditional love at its best. Struggling to keep up with school. Bad grades. Very bad, bad grades. No hope for me. Meanwhile my brother can play video games all he wants, not have to leave the house at all and still be cherished no matter what he does. I can't. Got punished because i was late at school. I'm bored. And they just forget about me. Nevermind, they are so toxic and mean to me. Reminds me of the people that used to bully me. I don't want to remember. It's best if i forget about it. It's best if my parents forget about me. Mom, dad, I have feelings too, you know. Tomorrow i will wake up early and repeat. I don't want to wake up. Sorry if my sentences are incoherent. I'm tired.