hanginglights.
Member
- Mar 19, 2024
- 12
Hello, I'm new to this website, sorta. I have had an account for awhile and I've known of the site for a long time now, but this is the first time I have decided to use it because it seems like this would be a really good website for me to talk to people on, and relate to people with, vent, get things out, and so on. Please tell me if I use any acronyms wrong.
So let me give you a little backstory. I was raised in a Jehovah's Witness household, and I was taken in by a member of my family because the original parents I had were very addicted to hard substances, causing me to be born addicted to them. I had Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS) as a baby, essentially meaning I went through severe withdrawals as an infant. I had to stay in the NICU for about 9 months, and the substance abuse on me caused a lot of brain trauma and chemical imbalance. I have learning disorders, severe ADHD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and I personally thing I have more suspected mental issues. Then I was taken in by the parents I have now after being in the NICU.
Jehovahs Witnesses if you aren't familiar are a religious organization who believes Jehovah is the creator of the world, God's name being Jehovah. They believe in a theocratic rule of God, they believe in Armageddon (basically just meaning the world ending and a paradise coming), they do not celebrate any sort of holidays, and they do not believe in the trinity, and much other things. Jehovah's witnesses are extremely strict people, they do not allow people to befriend others outside of the religion, you have to do specific things in order to "properly worship God". They have to "strip off the old personality and put on the new" which just means you have to become like other JWs to fully serve their God. They do not like horror, rap, any sort of substances, heavy drinking, they believe in men holding authority, they do not believe in homosexuality. They believe that non JWs (Jehovahs Witnesses) are "worldly people" and they believe that Satan controls this world.
Growing up I was never physically abused. But I wanna say I was mentally, psychologically and / or emotionally abused. I have always been forced to believe in the Jehovahs Witnesses religion, and during age 12 - 13 I decided I didn't want to be one anymore. But I have never told anyone, because if I had then I would have been in a lot of trouble, and possibly shunned. There have been times where my family would find out, but after that I would just pretend to be a JW again and they did not find out again for a long time.
I have never been to public school except for once, I was homeschooled from 1-9th grade, then in the middle of my semester in ninth, I finally convinced them to let me go public. But I have ALWAYS been VERY naive and a people pleaser, so I have always wanted to make people happy and never really saw the bad in things. In public school, I sent inappropriate pictures to boys who asked, I had boyfriends and girlfriends, I did a lot of really looked down upon things in my family's religious beliefs. They never found out until about a year in school. I snuck out one night to see somebody, and I came home around 6 am, and they found out. They had went through my phone and found out I had been smoking, having relations with people, in an old polyamorous relationship, and more things I can't name off the top of my head. I got grounded for 4 months, and taken out of public school, and was homeschooled that point forward. When I look back on those times, I do think a lot of the things I did was definitely not smart, but I can't really blame myself. I had NO freedom and didn't know what else to really do, sure I did a lot of morally wrong things but every teenager does that at some point in their life. I was no different from other teens.
But I have always felt with feelings of severe loneliness, which I think being raised as a severely isolated JW has a LOT to do with it. But it has gotten INCREDIBLY worse since being in homeschool. I used to be very good at making friends, I was really really extroverted, I talked to everyone I could. But now I just can't make myself do those things. Yeah, I am a little extroverted still but not nearly as much. The only social in real life interaction I get where I see people is at church, even then I feel as if I have no friends. For example, I tried to befriend 2 JW girls to try to at least make the best out of my situation, although I do not get along with JWs my age at all. We don't fight, just they never talk to me. I texted them and it went good at first, but then they both stopped replying to my texts after about a week. They have not once even texted me first, and it hurts really bad. When I DO text, they both are just really dry or leave me on read.
I do have discord, where I only talk to my GF, and a couple friends. I don't even really talk to my friends online. I hate making friends now because ever since the loneliness got worse, I have forgotten how to talk to people. When my friends text me, I always end up just leaving them on read and never responding. I don't WANT to do it, I just can't get myself to text anyone back. When I do go out of my way to make a friend, I do the same thing. I always end up ghosting them. The only person I genuinely talk to is my GF. We can't even see eachother irl, despite living 5 minutes away from eachother. (we had met at school when I was there)
I have felt this way for MONTHS now and it only seems to be getting worse. Yeah, I do have days better than others, but I mainly just feel so incredibly helpless and alone. I am trying to stay alive for my GF, but I'm scared of messing up. I've had a diphenhydramine problem on and off, the same with self injury. It makes the loneliness go away for even a little bit, which makes me feel so much better. It has been so hard because I get my energy from other people. So I constantly feel so out of energy and depressed. I just feel so alone constantly, and I don't know what I should do.
It's so hard to even meet people. I have been known to be loud and obnoxious to others. I have severe ADHD and can't help the way I act sometimes, I'm described as incredibly hyper and talkative, and I attract a lot of bad people online, so I either am just hit on because I'm a girl, or I meet people who just bully me for being who I am. I just wish I could at LEAST meet someone who is alike me. It hurts so bad when I meet someone online I really like and they tell me they can't handle me because of my personality. It has caused me to be so insecure about myself. I just feel so alone. I'm sorry for the long text, I just really need somebody to talk to.
So let me give you a little backstory. I was raised in a Jehovah's Witness household, and I was taken in by a member of my family because the original parents I had were very addicted to hard substances, causing me to be born addicted to them. I had Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS) as a baby, essentially meaning I went through severe withdrawals as an infant. I had to stay in the NICU for about 9 months, and the substance abuse on me caused a lot of brain trauma and chemical imbalance. I have learning disorders, severe ADHD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and I personally thing I have more suspected mental issues. Then I was taken in by the parents I have now after being in the NICU.
Jehovahs Witnesses if you aren't familiar are a religious organization who believes Jehovah is the creator of the world, God's name being Jehovah. They believe in a theocratic rule of God, they believe in Armageddon (basically just meaning the world ending and a paradise coming), they do not celebrate any sort of holidays, and they do not believe in the trinity, and much other things. Jehovah's witnesses are extremely strict people, they do not allow people to befriend others outside of the religion, you have to do specific things in order to "properly worship God". They have to "strip off the old personality and put on the new" which just means you have to become like other JWs to fully serve their God. They do not like horror, rap, any sort of substances, heavy drinking, they believe in men holding authority, they do not believe in homosexuality. They believe that non JWs (Jehovahs Witnesses) are "worldly people" and they believe that Satan controls this world.
Growing up I was never physically abused. But I wanna say I was mentally, psychologically and / or emotionally abused. I have always been forced to believe in the Jehovahs Witnesses religion, and during age 12 - 13 I decided I didn't want to be one anymore. But I have never told anyone, because if I had then I would have been in a lot of trouble, and possibly shunned. There have been times where my family would find out, but after that I would just pretend to be a JW again and they did not find out again for a long time.
I have never been to public school except for once, I was homeschooled from 1-9th grade, then in the middle of my semester in ninth, I finally convinced them to let me go public. But I have ALWAYS been VERY naive and a people pleaser, so I have always wanted to make people happy and never really saw the bad in things. In public school, I sent inappropriate pictures to boys who asked, I had boyfriends and girlfriends, I did a lot of really looked down upon things in my family's religious beliefs. They never found out until about a year in school. I snuck out one night to see somebody, and I came home around 6 am, and they found out. They had went through my phone and found out I had been smoking, having relations with people, in an old polyamorous relationship, and more things I can't name off the top of my head. I got grounded for 4 months, and taken out of public school, and was homeschooled that point forward. When I look back on those times, I do think a lot of the things I did was definitely not smart, but I can't really blame myself. I had NO freedom and didn't know what else to really do, sure I did a lot of morally wrong things but every teenager does that at some point in their life. I was no different from other teens.
But I have always felt with feelings of severe loneliness, which I think being raised as a severely isolated JW has a LOT to do with it. But it has gotten INCREDIBLY worse since being in homeschool. I used to be very good at making friends, I was really really extroverted, I talked to everyone I could. But now I just can't make myself do those things. Yeah, I am a little extroverted still but not nearly as much. The only social in real life interaction I get where I see people is at church, even then I feel as if I have no friends. For example, I tried to befriend 2 JW girls to try to at least make the best out of my situation, although I do not get along with JWs my age at all. We don't fight, just they never talk to me. I texted them and it went good at first, but then they both stopped replying to my texts after about a week. They have not once even texted me first, and it hurts really bad. When I DO text, they both are just really dry or leave me on read.
I do have discord, where I only talk to my GF, and a couple friends. I don't even really talk to my friends online. I hate making friends now because ever since the loneliness got worse, I have forgotten how to talk to people. When my friends text me, I always end up just leaving them on read and never responding. I don't WANT to do it, I just can't get myself to text anyone back. When I do go out of my way to make a friend, I do the same thing. I always end up ghosting them. The only person I genuinely talk to is my GF. We can't even see eachother irl, despite living 5 minutes away from eachother. (we had met at school when I was there)
I have felt this way for MONTHS now and it only seems to be getting worse. Yeah, I do have days better than others, but I mainly just feel so incredibly helpless and alone. I am trying to stay alive for my GF, but I'm scared of messing up. I've had a diphenhydramine problem on and off, the same with self injury. It makes the loneliness go away for even a little bit, which makes me feel so much better. It has been so hard because I get my energy from other people. So I constantly feel so out of energy and depressed. I just feel so alone constantly, and I don't know what I should do.
It's so hard to even meet people. I have been known to be loud and obnoxious to others. I have severe ADHD and can't help the way I act sometimes, I'm described as incredibly hyper and talkative, and I attract a lot of bad people online, so I either am just hit on because I'm a girl, or I meet people who just bully me for being who I am. I just wish I could at LEAST meet someone who is alike me. It hurts so bad when I meet someone online I really like and they tell me they can't handle me because of my personality. It has caused me to be so insecure about myself. I just feel so alone. I'm sorry for the long text, I just really need somebody to talk to.
