Venting so tired of waiting and hoping

[lawlietsph]

I am just so incredibly tired. I've had some moments in the last couple of days where I've felt like I want to fix myself and fix my life. I am a little bit overweight, so I decided to start running and eat less junk food, etc... It's been 3 days and now I am totally falling apart.
Today I woke up and the thoughts came back again. For what? Why? Does it matter? Do I even care? I just want to die.
No matter what I do to improve my life, I am still SOOOOOOOOOOO far behind everyone else. I still don't have a stable income, have zero friends, zero social life, zero energy, zero everything.
I was a tiny bit motivated for 3 days and now I am back where I started.
I am just so so so tired. Why do I even try? It doesn't matter anyway. Everything hurts so much and I am only being delusional thinking that maybe I can look pretty someday.
I fucking hate social media and all the perfect, skinny, rich young people with perfect fucking lives (yes I know it's not perfect but it doesn't help really).
My mind is so fucked up, I became totally obsessed with a famous athlete, thinking that I will make myself pretty and then he will like me. Ffs, am I out of my mind? I am clinging to every kind of hope, the tiniest bit of attention from everyone. I am clinging to toxic people like a dog, because they are giving me crumbs of love and attention.
I just want to be loved, I don't know what it's like to be loved.
Why am I even trying? Why? I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
Why am I such a coward, I can't even bring myself to ctb.
When will this end? Please just make it stop, it hurts to wake up everyday, it hurts to see others being happy, it all just hurts too much.
I even feel bad for texting here because my life is so not worth it and I'm just a waste of oxygen.

 

[freakshow]

i feel like the worst part of living is seeing other people being happy and doing the things Ive always wanted to do and just simply enjoying life when I cannot because of things I cant change.

 

[lawlietsph]

i feel like the worst part of living is seeing other people being happy and doing the things Ive always wanted to do and just simply enjoying life when I cannot because of things I cant change.

It is indeed. The deep contrast between person and person is insane. One gets to live a happy and successful life with lots of love, friendship and money, while the other is suffering in poverty, plus with mental and physical illnesses. I know "it's just how it is, this is just life", but it doesn't make me feel any better. In fact I think this is my main reason for being chronically unhappy and wanting to ctb. I don't think there's anything that can justify this.
You are right, this is the worst part of it all.

 

[pariah80]

I felt every word. I hate hope so much. It's such a destructive thing. Especially when one has no hope. It starts lying to me when I know full well that my situation cannot be changed. And people who got a good roll of the dice here just don't (and will never) understand. I'm tired of being shown what I'll never have yet being told that "it gets better" and "there's hope." Hope for WHAT?! I don't have the energy to keep fighting for nothing. I'm tired of that. I just want out.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I came across this clip the other day:


Mind you, the groom is already the son of the richest family in India. We are truly living in a simulation. These people figured out how to hack it. So disgusting that it knocked my depression down even another peg. I need to find the nearest phone booth so I can't be out of this crap.

 

[archiveofpain]

I feel you, the feeling that you are so far behind from everyone else is discouraging. It feels like everyone is always doing something while you have yet to do either on such a consistent basis or you don't have the means to do it. I think they're capable of this mostly because they have been supported by family and friends their entire lives, whereas people like us had to run the rat race with our ankles tied just to get to the start line which makes it all the more hopeless because by the time you 'catch up,' people will look at you like a total weirdo because those are things you should have already got figured out or done or they are already moving onto something you haven't

For what is worth, we're not in a race as much as society tries to make us feel like we have to get to certain points but it surely is exhausting to try and see that nothing gets better

 

[divinemistress36]

I came across this clip the other day:


Mind you, the groom is already the son of the richest family in India. We are truly living in a simulation. These people figured out how to hack it. So disgusting that it knocked my depression down even another peg. I need to find the nearest phone booth so I can't be out of this crap.

I believe we are living in a stimulation to

 

[freakshow]

I came across this clip the other day:


Mind you, the groom is already the son of the richest family in India. We are truly living in a simulation. These people figured out how to hack it. So disgusting that it knocked my depression down even another peg. I need to find the nearest phone booth so I can't be out of this crap.

these people are in a complete different reality, why would i feel any envy towards such people. they are basically not real and dont affect my reality in a direct way. i envy the people that I see day to day irl that manages to live a happy life, while still facing most of the same challanges as me

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

these people are in a complete different reality, why would i feel any envy towards such people. they are basically not real and dont affect my reality in a direct way. i envy the people that I see day to day irl that manages to live a happy life, while still facing most of the same challanges as me

LOL, most of them only seem like they have a happy life because people like Mark Zuckerberg provide them with a platform where they can cherry pick the photo-worthy highlight moments of their "perfect" lives and post them to illicits feeling of envy from everyone else. All for the small price of their private information. Behind closed doors, you often find that it's a different story.

Dystopia is officially here. We're all slaves to the 1% machine.

 

[Rockman]

Man its good to quit.

 

[lawlietsph]

I came across this clip the other day:


Mind you, the groom is already the son of the richest family in India. We are truly living in a simulation. These people figured out how to hack it. So disgusting that it knocked my depression down even another peg. I need to find the nearest phone booth so I can't be out of this crap.

This is actually disgusting. I just imagine if I could have 1%, no, just 0.5% of all that money, maaaan, just imagine My life would be okay, I would feel OKAY. Maybe still not the happiest, maybe still suicidal, but damn how grateful and productive I would be.

I feel you, the feeling that you are so far behind from everyone else is discouraging. It feels like everyone is always doing something while you have yet to do either on such a consistent basis or you don't have the means to do it. I think they're capable of this mostly because they have been supported by family and friends their entire lives, whereas people like us had to run the rat race with our ankles tied just to get to the start line which makes it all the more hopeless because by the time you 'catch up,' people will look at you like a total weirdo because those are things you should have already got figured out or done or they are already moving onto something you haven't

For what is worth, we're not in a race as much as society tries to make us feel like we have to get to certain points but it surely is exhausting to try and see that nothing gets better

Yes, you are 100% right. Seeing your childhood "friends", classmates from high school having a good time, or just other random 17 year old billionaires, athletes with millions of dollars, "famous and important" people having it all... Always looking pretty, skinny, perfect body and skin, perfect car, perfect house, perfect freakin business, etc..
And the saddest part is that you just know, these people had support, money, or they were born in good time, good place.
Unfortunately I became obsessed with a famous athlete in the past weeks, and it's such a strange experience; I like him a lot, I enjoy watching him doing the sport, BUT when I saw how much money he's making, my blood just boils. And then I did my research, and of course he's from a wealthy family, a loving and supporting family. Well...

Man its good to quit.

I want to quit. I want to quit so bad.