therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
I am so terrified tomorrow will be my best chance to do it but I am so scared of the pain... I don't want it to be painful god I don't want to go but I can't live what have I done to deserve this
Severen
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,819
Maybe you need a partner. There is a megathread for people looking for partners.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
I don't think I could have that amount of trust but yes I do wish for a partner but I think it would have to be someone I know and also there is so much risk
It's okay. It's your choice, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I hope that you choose the right option by you though and succeed what ever it may be. I hope you find peace if you end up doing it.
We're not allowed to encourage you to do it but I completely support your decision whatever it may be.
We're not allowed to encourage you to do it but I completely support your decision whatever it may be.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
I really just want to be dead but I am just scared of the pain... But I know it will be death in the end... thank you for your support
Sanguinius
Chicken of ss
- Aug 9, 2018
- 291
I feel almost the same... *hugs you warmly
It's not a nice feeling, really. I am somehow terrified of death (or dying? ), I don't know why... It feels so bad...
I want to live, but I feel like I have to ctb.
It's not a nice feeling, really. I am somehow terrified of death (or dying? ), I don't know why... It feels so bad...
I want to live, but I feel like I have to ctb.
therhydler
Enlightened
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,196
Thank you for the hugs
I feel you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I strongly recommend you don't ctb until you're both ready and steady. There is no timeline but the one you have created --and just as you created it, you can change it. Certainly no one here is watching, checking their clock, wondering if you're gone.
Do not be held to anyone's schedule but your own, and always remember that your own schedule is yours to change as you see fit.
Besides, as frightened as you sound --and I get it! dying is scary!-- there's the practical aspect that if your mind is clouded, there's a good chance you'll make a mistake. Maybe that mistake will only get you discovered. Maybe it will make you brain-dead and worse off than you were before. No matter how you look at it, mistakes are not good.
I've tried to ctb several times now, always looking at that day as particularly good for this reason or for that reason --but really, the reasons were all my own inventions, and even as I mourned losing my chance, I was looking ahead and finding other times that would work just as well. Dates come and go, and none of them are so good that another won't follow soon enough.
Don't rush. Don't be rushed.
Whatever you decide to do, do it thoughtfully, for reasons that are your own, and on a schedule that is your own.
