Venting So now I'm, "unpleasant to be around"

[AnonymouslyBlue]

Depression isn't a new thing to me, I've been dealing with it on and off over the course of my teenage and adult life but lately, over the past 2 years it's been a lot worse than what I'm used to and I guess having to smother it and play pretend is getting the best of me because I'm cracking up a lot more than I usually do.

But what bugs me the most about it, is that the person who has been my SO for almost 7 years knows that I struggle with depression but whenever he picks up that I'm slipping again, it always manages to turn around and he's the one who is depressed and he's the one who needs comforting. And I'm left there supporting him, being the strong one for him and my emotions go unnoticed because suddenly he's depressed.

I get comments like, "you're not very pleasant nowadays you know?" when I don't open up and talk to him. Mind you I do that because whenever I do, it ends up being about him and how he feels. There's also the infamous, "what are you upset about now?" that gets asked by my friends and family whenever I tell them that I'm struggling personally with my emotions.

Why do people do that? Why do they end up being selfish and make you feel belittled for not wanting to talk about your emotions when THEY are the reason you don't do it?

Am I just surrounded by the bad crowd? Do I just do it to myself by staying with the person that I love, whole heartedly but fuck me he's selfish sometimes?

It makes that craving to just end it so much worse, makes the feeling of detachment and resentment so much worse than it should be and none of them are the wiser.

I feel stupid for ranting about this, but this seems to be the only place where I can really speak my thoughts without it turning around and people asking me, "well what's wrong now?" with that bored expression.

I'm pissed off. I feel alone. I don't want to act on impulse but it sure is fucking hard sometimes.

 

[Phoenix1990]

I totally

Depression isn't a new thing to me, I've been dealing with it on and off over the course of my teenage and adult life but lately, over the past 2 years it's been a lot worse than what I'm used to and I guess having to smother it and play pretend is getting the best of me because I'm cracking up a lot more than I usually do.

But what bugs me the most about it, is that the person who has been my SO for almost 7 years knows that I struggle with depression but whenever he picks up that I'm slipping again, it always manages to turn around and he's the one who is depressed and he's the one who needs comforting. And I'm left there supporting him, being the strong one for him and my emotions go unnoticed because suddenly he's depressed.

I get comments like, "you're not very pleasant nowadays you know?" when I don't open up and talk to him. Mind you I do that because whenever I do, it ends up being about him and how he feels. There's also the infamous, "what are you upset about now?" that gets asked by my friends and family whenever I tell them that I'm struggling personally with my emotions.

Why do people do that? Why do they end up being selfish and make you feel belittled for not wanting to talk about your emotions when THEY are the reason you don't do it?

Am I just surrounded by the bad crowd? Do I just do it to myself by staying with the person that I love, whole heartedly but fuck me he's selfish sometimes?

It makes that craving to just end it so much worse, makes the feeling of detachment and resentment so much worse than it should be and none of them are the wiser.

I feel stupid for ranting about this, but this seems to be the only place where I can really speak my thoughts without it turning around and people asking me, "well what's wrong now?" with that bored expression.

I'm pissed off. I feel alone. I don't want to act on impulse but it sure is fucking hard sometimes.

I totally get where you are coming from. Now I've learnt not to discuss with friends and family about how I am struggling mentally, as I'm always severely depressed and hate being that person , who is always low in mood and energy even though people think I shouldn't have any reason to be depressed. I get this from people, if I say my mood is low, 'everyone gets done sometimes'. Like it is that simple. I'm sorry that you are suffering and that you don't have the right people around you to offer support and be understanding. If you ever what to talk about how you are feeling, my pm is open, well until I finally depart.
Take care

 

[blanketyblk]

Hugs, there is nothing worst than the people close to you not acknowledge that your in pain and that you need support. it makes you feel worthless and that your feeling and emotions don't matter. well you do matter! so if you do need to talk. please let me know or others on this site. everyone here. is someone who will listen to you.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I know what you mean about people making it about them when your in need. Many people lack empathy & good communication skills..... Sometimes if the relationship was you being the helper most of the time, then the pattern will ensue even when you need it. When I went thru my fallout & aftermath ptsd. ... I was shocked at a couple of people who made it all about them. So blind to even notice they are sucking from a delapidated traumatized person. One feels unseen. It is re traumatizi g. Its disrespectful & dyafuntional. We all have needs but it needs to be balanced... so sorry , understanding is hard to find. The exoectation is to go along to get along & thats bs .... glad your able to get support here.

 

[darkworld15]

He sounds really selfish. He probably causes a lot of your depression.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

This situation sounds like the blind leading the blind. I would suggest you both get individual and couples counseling to determine better ways of coping and supporting each other. It may help each of you become more supportive of each other and help him to do a better job of understanding you're needs. Worse case scenario you both come to the conclusion that you are not emotionally equipped to be in a healthy stable relationship. Then you can both part temporarily or permanently as you both desire.

 

[Disintegration]

My life ( for the sake of comparison) is a tangled up mess of dysfunctional people pointing fingers at each other the vast majority of the time. There is a concept known as projection that I find quite helpful when dealing with, my own, and other people's bullshit. It doesn't take me long to realize that we are all fucked up in one way or another and that not one of us has a right to be pious about our position or outlook on life. Perhaps it doesn't help console you and the frustration your going through, but sometimes it's beneficial to try and take a more objective view of the situation. Other people's behaviors around you have just as much to do with your behaviors as their own. We are all capable of being angels and assholes, it just depends on the chosen perception we decide to pour energy into.

If you feel like you deserve better... it's because you do.

 

[Exitforme]

In this life it is easier to act happy and suppress the sadness than be open and honest about the depressing suffering of this world. It must be as though the whole population of the earth wants to avoid speaking of the inevitably of death and will chastise you if you dare open your mouth about the only guarantee in life, death.