Venting So my plan was to CTB sometime in next two weeks. But last night my ex's dad passed away. I think he will hate me if I kill myself now.

[natali4]

A little context. My ex and I have a complicated relationship right now. We broke up last summer, and it was definitely the final straw for me. Our relationship was never perfect. I was (and still am) very vulnerable and he was a narcissist, I was holding on to him because he was all I had and I refused to accept that the good moments we had were probably not real. Anyways, he got a job in another city last summer and moved there. He obviously broke up with me then. But we stayed in touch and remained friends. This was primarily because he realized he didn't have anyone in this new city, and I would obviously be there for him whenever he needed. And also because I needed him more than anything, I have no one here and life seemed haunting. Fast forward to today, our friendship/relationship is complex right now but we still have history. He was very close to his dad and I met him too a couple of times. I know he is devastated. I'm afraid that if CTB now he will hate me forever.

My existence is a pain to me. I'm failing at everything in life right now and I just don't have the energy or will to recover. There is perhaps no recovery. CTB is my only way out, and my only at peace. I don't know what to do now.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

Luckily you will be dead so it won't matter if he hates you.