Story So I won a free cruise and set a ctb date (sort of)

[Onomotopoeia]

Like its actually free no taxes or port fee's either.

I was excited at first until it dawned on me I have nobody to go with. I'm not sure why it even took that few minutes for me to figure it out as I have been isolated a long time. So then I took a few weeks trying to figure out if I could find/invent/re-connect with someone so I could go on said cruise (I wont go alone I have issues)

It was then I realized that for many years i've sort of convinced myself I would not CTB. Partly for fear of survival and making things worse but mostly because despite my isolation (or perhaps because of it) my life is not really bad. See, I do not have a "reason"

I have been sad in the past but for a long time now it's just apathy. I'm sure I still fit criteria for whatever clinical depression is but as someone who has been in the throws of despair of depression I am sure that I have not really been depressed in a long time. I have a roof, food, and outside of smoking no terribly bad habits (though I am drinking more in the last few weeks so probably not great) but i'm not (yet) alcohol or drug dependant.

So by my own standards I never had a "reason"

The most unpleasant thing in my life is that I have to go to work and to CTB so I do not have go to work seems silly. I always kind of thought that eventually I would have some crisis and it would push me but that I could wait until that crisis.

now I find myself asking why. My own beliefs say i'm a rational adult and have every right to CTB if i so choose and still I always opted not to as though I needed a reason. Well my reason is obvious in hindsight. I do not want to be here because I cannot experience joy. Being lonely makes that worse and since the death of my best friend 5 years ago I have literally made zero actual effort to meet anyone.

So the TLDR of my long rant:

I have about 11 months left to book my cruise I will spend that time making at least some effort and if I do not go on that cruise I will CTB.

There is no reason for this post but thought someone might understand and I *might* come back and offer status updates in case anyone but me cares...or incase i decide I care

 

[not_a_robot]

jeez. If you want to take me on a cruise so bad, just say so.
I ACCEPT.
lots of people CTB jumping from cruise ships.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

jeez. If you want to take me on a cruise so bad, just say so.
I ACCEPT.
lots of people CTB jumping from cruise ships.

lol I mean we strangers :)

That said I did think about the whole jumping from ship thing but seems like it would be super likely to be saved. It's a thought though.

 

[cornflowerblue]

Like its actually free no taxes or port fee's either.

I was excited at first until it dawned on me I have nobody to go with. I'm not sure why it even took that few minutes for me to figure it out as I have been isolated a long time. So then I took a few weeks trying to figure out if I could find/invent/re-connect with someone so I could go on said cruise (I wont go alone I have issues)

It was then I realized that for many years i've sort of convinced myself I would not CTB. Partly for fear of survival and making things worse but mostly because despite my isolation (or perhaps because of it) my life is not really bad. See, I do not have a "reason"

I have been sad in the past but for a long time now it's just apathy. I'm sure I still fit criteria for whatever clinical depression is but as someone who has been in the throws of despair of depression I am sure that I have not really been depressed in a long time. I have a roof, food, and outside of smoking no terribly bad habits (though I am drinking more in the last few weeks so probably not great) but i'm not (yet) alcohol or drug dependant.

So by my own standards I never had a "reason"

The most unpleasant thing in my life is that I have to go to work and to CTB so I do not have go to work seems silly. I always kind of thought that eventually I would have some crisis and it would push me but that I could wait until that crisis.

now I find myself asking why. My own beliefs say i'm a rational adult and have every right to CTB if i so choose and still I always opted not to as though I needed a reason. Well my reason is obvious in hindsight. I do not want to be here because I cannot experience joy. Being lonely makes that worse and since the death of my best friend 5 years ago I have literally made zero actual effort to meet anyone.

So the TLDR of my long rant:

I have about 11 months left to book my cruise I will spend that time making at least some effort and if I do not go on that cruise I will CTB.

There is no reason for this post but thought someone might understand and I *might* come back and offer status updates in case anyone but me cares...or incase i decide I care

Do you have hobbies and interests? You can join book clubs and things like that to meet a cruise buddy. You have almost a year, I think even 6 months could be long enough to get to know somebody and decide, so that leaves lots of room for trial and error too.

 

[not_a_robot]

lol I mean we strangers :)

That said I did think about the whole jumping from ship thing but seems like it would be super likely to be saved. It's a thought though.

lol relax, just trying to make you laugh. I could only cruise the British Isles with no sun, if it was the Caribbean I would force you to carry an umbrella over me at all times so the sun could never assault my delicate skin and eyes.
Might be fun for you to have a little task, to distract you from your moping.
lol you should have a contest on SS to find a Partner for the CTB cruise.

 

[not_a_robot]

You could have an essay contest, like this.
This seems to happen every couple of years. People are weird.

https://www.kgncfm.com/win-a-house-canadian-holds-essay-contest-to-give-away-her-mansion/

 

[oopswronglife]

No need for smuggling a method aboard either. On a cruise you are all but guaranteed to get a horrid gastrointestinal illness. You can just let the diahhreal dehydration take you. Burial at sea would be cool too. Just make sure they rinse you off first. Don't want an unsightly brown cloud in the water as people pay their respects.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

You could have an essay contest, like this.
This seems to happen every couple of years. People are weird.

https://www.kgncfm.com/win-a-house-canadian-holds-essay-contest-to-give-away-her-mansion/

Every couple years? man i need to enter one ill tell them about how i need a house to CTB and then they can have it back i would have to win

 

[TAW122]

Congrats on winning a free cruise and I hope things look up for you. I would try to enjoy the free cruise since you are planning to CTB one day. Anyways, whatever you do, I hope you are at most peace to whichever decision you decide, whether it is recovery or going through with CTB'ing.

 

[not_a_robot]

KEY LARGO, Fla. – The presumed death of a cruise ship passenger who witnesses say jumped overboard off the Florida coast early Friday highlights a little-mentioned phenomenon: A handful of similar deaths occur each year

omg imagine how heavenly this would be with a partner. The first few days of the cruise, having fun, pretending to act normal in public, smirking knowingly at each other across the dinner table, getting drunk, waiting til midnight, far from land in choppy, sharky waters, climbing to the top deck, the breeze, the moonlight, holding hands and plunging into the water... my reliable SI kicking in, making me cling to you so hard, I push you under and use you like a life preserver, oh don't worry love, you said you wanted to die I am helping. Two days later they find me floating, clinging to your drowned corpse like Rose clung to that door. I get charged with murder, and I feel so guilty I don't even mind prison. not guilty for drowning you, just guilty for abandoning you at the last second and staying alive.
The End.

 

[Severen]

Why CTB without enjoying one of the few nice things in this world, like a cruise first? When you are dying, do you want mostly pleasant memories and very few regrets are mostly shit memories and a lot of regrets? You don't need friends to enjoy a cruise. EDIT: Congratulations, by the way.

 

[not_a_robot]

ahem, um, I'm going to assume you were all touching yourselves so much when you read my romantic story that you just forgot to hit the Like button.

 

[RM5998]

ahem, um, I'm going to assume you were all touching yourselves so much when you read my romantic story that you just forgot to hit the Like button.

I'm sorry, I thought it was a comedy, so I did the polite thing and laughed.

 

[not_a_robot]

I'm sorry, I thought it was a comedy, so I did the polite thing and laughed.

whew, what a relief! validation at last!
well it was meant to be silly, yes, but I don't think it landed. Romantic is a word I only use sarcastically and morbidly.
"They spent all year planning the wedding but died in a car crash on the way to the church.".
"Oh, how romantic."

 

[RM5998]

whew, what a relief! validation at last!
well it was meant to be silly, yes, but I don't think it landed. Romantic is a word I only use sarcastically and morbidly.
"They spent all year planning the wedding but died in a car crash on the way to the church.".
"Oh, how romantic."

Well, it got a laugh from 1 person, so I conclude that it's a resounding success.

Also, @Onomotopoeia, you don't need partners for a cruise. It's perfectly fine to go alone. It's just like going to the movies - company is overrated.

 

[not_a_robot]

So where is the cruise to? I hereby resume my previous clamor for an essay contest but if nobody else wants to do it, I'll stop.
How bizarre would it be if about a dozen of us just picked a random cruise to meet up and ctb one by one...

 

[blanketyblk]

So where is the cruise to? I hereby resume my previous clamor for an essay contest but if nobody else wants to do it, I'll stop.
How bizarre would it be if about a dozen of us just picked a random cruise to meet up and ctb one by one...

So a modem day Death cruise

Death Cruise - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

but instead of having a psycho on board. The passages off themselves.. hell i would pay to watch that movie!

 

[not_a_robot]

So a modem day Death cruise

Death Cruise - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

but instead of having a psycho on board. The passages off themselves.. hell i would pay to watch that movie!

omg triangle!

Triangle (2009) ⭐ 6.9 | Fantasy, Mystery, Sci-Fi

1h 39m | R

m.imdb.com

 

[blanketyblk]

omg triangle!

Triangle (2009) ⭐ 6.9 | Fantasy, Mystery, Sci-Fi

1h 39m | R

m.imdb.com

that looks.... interesting. i think that might be by Sunday night movie! Thanks not a robot

 

[not_a_robot]

that looks.... interesting. i think that might be by Sunday night movie! Thanks not a robot

it's free on Prime and yt right now.

 

[SinisterKid]

I watched Triangle last night before going to bed, well worth a watch. I was working my way through the thread here about movies on netflix and it was suggested there. I also watched Requiem for a Dream and regretted doing so as it triggered me badly.

 

[blanketyblk]

it's free on Prime and yt right now.

outstanding. watching it tonight then. also see that youtube recommends the following movie too. and it looks also pretty cool.!

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Do you have hobbies and interests? You can join book clubs and things like that to meet a cruise buddy. You have almost a year, I think even 6 months could be long enough to get to know somebody and decide, so that leaves lots of room for trial and error too.

Hobbies and interests sound like something healthy people do. Interesting idea but not really. Though I did look for various classes/groups/etc something that would not be deemed odd to do alone where I might meet someone but I just dont live in a greatly populated area.

So a modem day Death cruise

Death Cruise - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

but instead of having a psycho on board. The passages off themselves.. hell i would pay to watch that movie!

Pay to watch it? let's go make it and get some bank. Nobody talks about suicide properly so it's unlikely to exist

outstanding. watching it tonight then. also see that youtube recommends the following movie too. and it looks also pretty cool.!

Have seen both triangle and coherence. Liked them both. Triangle was more up my alley though.

Cruise paperwork is still waiting in my car to look at it guess i should do that maybe?