So fucking tired

[lopsidedcrawdad1]

I really thought yesterday was going to be the day and I didnt do it. I cant even believe how far downhill my life has gone this year. A year ago, I was the happiest and most confident id ever been in my life. Every time I feel like ive hit rock bottom things just continue to get even worse. I need it to end soon

 

[SVEN]

Just keep going (as we all do) until you can keep going no longer. Don't beat yourself up, all things come to an end.

 

[Sonny77]

I really thought yesterday was going to be the day and I didnt do it. I cant even believe how far downhill my life has gone this year. A year ago, I was the happiest and most confident id ever been in my life. Every time I feel like ive hit rock bottom things just continue to get even worse. I need it to end soon

No problem mate. If you have doubts or just don't want to do it, don't do it. This is a decision that you cannot undo. When you're really ready, you will do it, if not live your life, that's what it's there for.

 

[lopsidedcrawdad1]

No problem mate. If you have doubts or just don't want to do it, don't do it. This is a decision that you cannot undo. When you're really ready, you will do it, if not live your life, that's what it's there for.

Thats the problem. I feel like I cant keep going but I also cant kill myself. I cant make myself do anything but lay in bed and cry. This isnt living. Its torture. The hobbies I always relied on when I was feeling low dont work anymore. I cant get joy out of anything. I know im not alone in feeling this way but fuck do I wish I could get the balls to just walk in my backyard and blow my head off with my 12 ga. one of these nights

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is so cruel, it's horrible how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer and I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all. I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[Sonny77]

Thats the problem. I feel like I cant keep going but I also cant kill myself. I cant make myself do anything but lay in bed and cry. This isnt living. Its torture. The hobbies I always relied on when I was feeling low dont work anymore. I cant get joy out of anything. I know im not alone in feeling this way but fuck do I wish I could get the balls to just walk in my backyard and blow my head off with my 12 ga. one of these nights

That's what they call depression, but I assume you know that yourself. May I ask if you are taking medication for depression?

 

[MiMif]

I really thought yesterday was going to be the day and I didnt do it. I cant even believe how far downhill my life has gone this year. A year ago, I was the happiest and most confident id ever been in my life. Every time I feel like ive hit rock bottom things just continue to get even worse. I need it to end soon

Maybe have a self reflection on yourself...like a deep one and try understanding yourself truly....though ngl I haven't gotten to that yet because my minds all muddles up and I can't think straight. Also ngl I'm lowkey scared at what I'll find. But I feel everyone needs to take a deep look within themselves and try to understand yourself as a person fully

 

[lopsidedcrawdad1]

That's what they call depression, but I assume you know that yourself. May I ask if you are taking medication for depression?

I dont. I have physical health issues that give me moderate to severe erectile dysfunction and have gotten ed from meds before (im 19 with erectile dysfunction and rapidly balding). If a drug even has a chance of worsening that it wouldnt be worth it. I had tried wellbutrin and mirtazapine recently. Had to stop wellbutrin after 3 weeks because my resting heart rate would never drop below 110 and I was too anxious to function. The mirtazapine gave me sleep paralysis and vivid nightmares but I was toughing it out until I had to miss my psychiatrist appt because I lost my insurance so I couldnt get a refill.

Maybe have a self reflection on yourself...like a deep one and try understanding yourself truly....though ngl I haven't gotten to that yet because my minds all muddles up and I can't think straight. Also ngl I'm lowkey scared at what I'll find. But I feel everyone needs to take a deep look within themselves and try to understand yourself as a person fully

I tried last night while tripping on acid. When I realized I wasnt going to kill myself that night I decided to try use the trip to find answers and reflect but nothing really happened. Just kinda knew that I needed to kill myself but couldnt do it.

 

[Sonny77]

I dont. I have physical health issues that give me moderate to severe erectile dysfunction and have gotten ed from meds before (im 19 with erectile dysfunction and rapidly balding). If a drug even has a chance of worsening that it wouldnt be worth it. I had tried wellbutrin and mirtazapine recently. Had to stop wellbutrin after 3 weeks because my resting heart rate would never drop below 110 and I was too anxious to function. The mirtazapine gave me sleep paralysis and vivid nightmares but I was toughing it out until I had to miss my psychiatrist appt because I lost my insurance so I couldnt get a refill.

I don't know if it's allowed to give tips like this: You took trycyclic medication. I would take SSRI or SNRI. The side effect of this is that the drug can encourage a person to commit suicide. The reason for this is that depressed people who can no longer get out of bed use the medication by improving the drive power, giving the person the opportunity to carry out suicidal planning and action.

 

[lopsidedcrawdad1]

I don't know if it's allowed to give tips like this: You took trycyclic medication. I would take SSRI or SNRI. The side effect of this is that the drug can encourage a person to commit suicide. The reason for this is that depressed people who can no longer get out of bed use the medication by improving the drive power, giving the person the opportunity to carry out suicidal planning and action.

Im not bipolar and never have manic or hypomanic episodes otherwise but when I tried 50mg zoloft I was hypo manic and fucking nuts for like 5 days lol. After that it worked great for my social anxiety but gave me ed and which was getting in the way of a relationship I was in so I stopped. I think I still do have half a bottle though

 

[Sonny77]

<hey mate. I even take zoloft 200mg daily. Hypomania is nothing unusual. In your case it helps to do what you want. Maybe they are also testing other medications, there are a lot of them like SNRI and many others. Maybe they will tolerate this better and it will give them a chance to live. Unfortunately, almost all of them have the side effect of erectile dysfunction. It was the same for me and is the same for almost all men.