Venting So fucking tired of my workplace.

[Rabbit-]

I honestly don't even know where to begin... I suppose for time's sake I'll summarize some things:

I often have to stay hours past my scheduled shift to finish others' work. For a time I was constantly covering shifts last-minute and could hardly keep a day off. I'm in the service industry so I'm misteated by customers daily. Multiple coworkers are disrespectful towards me. One barely does their job but complains when I do it for them. I'm starting to feel like the newly-hired boss thinks I'm incompetent.

Moving on- I didn't really want to be in a management position in the first place, but especially lately, I feel like too much responsibility has been placed on me.

Even when there's another manager present who's meant to be in charge, coworkers come to me- They'll ask questions like if a task has been finished yet even when I've just entered the building and haven't clocked in, or ask me for decisions that only the shift runner can make such as sending people on break, or they'll tell me to do certain things after close when I'm scheduled to leave hours before close.

Otherwise, I end up stepping in and running things anyways because I feel the other manager is being too laid-back or not doing things properly. If I don't, I stay late or come in the next day to complaints from other staff.

I know I'm still a manager even while not in charge and I genuinely don't mind assisting, but at some point it feels as though I have to do everything myself.



I'd like to quit and know I should, but I'm friends with my other boss (We knew each other before work, and she hasn't always been my boss) and my situation is such that if I left she'd be screwed over. She's been dealing with a lot lately, but has still been trying to help me in several ways- Quitting feels like saying "You didn't do enough." and punishing her for it.

Also, she's my only IRL friend. I'm worried we'd stop talking. And would I stop being social entirely? Before this job, I didn't leave my house for 6 months... I only left my bedroom for the bathroom or food, and the only people I talked to- Including online- were my parents. I don't want to go back to that... But I feel like I'd end up there again, inevitably.

I'm also plagued by fears about getting a new job- Will I find something that pays well? Will I be hired somewhere that ends up being worse? Will I be hired at all, and what will I do financially if not?

Since I left work today, all I can think about is shredding my wrists. Thinking of continuing to work here- Or of my hopeless future in general- is incredibly painful. It truly feels like I'm trapped in Hell, and there's no way out but through death. I want to ctb so desperately.

 

[I wish I were a cat]

I honestly don't even know where to begin... I suppose for time's sake I'll summarize some things:

I often have to stay hours past my scheduled shift to finish others' work. For a time I was constantly covering shifts last-minute and could hardly keep a day off. I'm in the service industry so I'm misteated by customers daily. Multiple coworkers are disrespectful towards me. One barely does their job but complains when I do it for them. I'm starting to feel like the newly-hired boss thinks I'm incompetent.

Moving on- I didn't really want to be in a management position in the first place, but especially lately, I feel like too much responsibility has been placed on me.

Even when there's another manager present who's meant to be in charge, coworkers come to me- They'll ask questions like if a task has been finished yet even when I've just entered the building and haven't clocked in, or ask me for decisions that only the shift runner can make such as sending people on break, or they'll tell me to do certain things after close when I'm scheduled to leave hours before close.

Otherwise, I end up stepping in and running things anyways because I feel the other manager is being too laid-back or not doing things properly. If I don't, I stay late or come in the next day to complaints from other staff.

I know I'm still a manager even while not in charge and I genuinely don't mind assisting, but at some point it feels as though I have to do everything myself.



I'd like to quit and know I should, but I'm friends with my other boss (We knew each other before work, and she hasn't always been my boss) and my situation is such that if I left she'd be screwed over. She's been dealing with a lot lately, but has still been trying to help me in several ways- Quitting feels like saying "You didn't do enough." and punishing her for it.

Also, she's my only IRL friend. I'm worried we'd stop talking. And would I stop being social entirely? Before this job, I didn't leave my house for 6 months... I only left my bedroom for the bathroom or food, and the only people I talked to- Including online- were my parents. I don't want to go back to that... But I feel like I'd end up there again, inevitably.

I'm also plagued by fears about getting a new job- Will I find something that pays well? Will I be hired somewhere that ends up being worse? Will I be hired at all, and what will I do financially if not?

Since I left work today, all I can think about is shredding my wrists. Thinking of continuing to work here- Or of my hopeless future in general- is incredibly painful. It truly feels like I'm trapped in Hell, and there's no way out but through death. I want to ctb so desperately.

You need to voice this stuff to her tbh and go from there. How would she be screwed if you left?

Bottom line is that she needs to know how you are feeling, and if she's a true friend she'd encourage you to look for another job.
Don't just quit though, give them time to look for someone to fill your position...or is it role which is hard to fill?

 

[Aisley]

Two options, one- do it all yourself. Faster, better, everything. Like, every time you walk from one end to the other, make sure you've done ten things. And yes, I know what that means, because this was the choice i made. Two- learn to delegate. Tough, because no one will ever do anything right, but if you train them, then they might. I guess there's a third option, but it doesn't help with your friend, and that's to demand a demotion. Yes, it is an option. And, if you talked to your friend first, she might understand. But you probably don't have what it takes to back away when shit's going to shit. But your shift would actually end when the schedule says it should.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely think you need to speak to your friend. It sounds like you are taking on a lot more than you should (which I understand- I tend to do the same.) But- it's not sustainable in the long run. Better to tell them now- when changes can be made- rather than wait till things get so bad that you just walk out.

Maybe this is going to sound harsh- but I'm saying it because I recognize a lot of what you are saying to be similar to me... It sounds like you have made a rod for your own back. The more you take on at work- the more people will expect you to do.

Plus, it sounds like you're nice- which isn't meant as a criticism. It's just that- people will not only come to you with all their needs- some will take the piss- because they know they can get away with it. How good are you at saying 'no'? Like- if that employee asks you something when you have just come on shift- and have no way of knowing- what is your response? Maybe you need to set some ground rules- as in- you need to let employees know what your job role is- I can help you with this and this- for these other queries- you need to talk to this other colleague. That's polite but it (hopefully) takes some of the burden off of you.

I was the same as you by the way. I used to work all hours for jobs because the workload was so huge. No one REALLY thanks you for it though. It just becomes expected. It's nice that you want to support your friend but I think they need to know the situation. Maybe they will advise you on where to step back.

I actually think sometimes you need to withdraw yourself from the situation. This isn't your company afterall. It's clear you care- which is great. Still- one day- leave on time. Let things go to shit and don't pick up the slack- let someone else do it- obviously let your boss friend know you intend to do that. Still- at the moment- it seems like the place functions because you do all these other things. No one is going to help you while the place still functions. I hope you can work things out.

 

[Rabbit-]

You need to voice this stuff to her tbh and go from there. How would she be screwed if you left?

Bottom line is that she needs to know how you are feeling, and if she's a true friend she'd encourage you to look for another job.
Don't just quit though, give them time to look for someone to fill your position...or is it role which is hard to fill?

I've approached her about it twice and both times was met with "I just really don't want you to quit." I tried asking for a month off at least since I'm not limited by PTO and can afford it due to living with family, but she dodged around that subject quickly. She's been trying to cut my hours down instead among other things, but it's not making the shifts I do have any easier.

I... Honestly don't know if she can understand how deeply this is affecting me without me telling her bluntly that this place makes me want to self-harm and ctb. She seems to have a much higher tolerance for these things than I do (She actually works a lot more than me, though at different times of day) or at least better coping skills, so I think seeing from my perspective- Especially considering I'm neurodivergent and have a long history of mental illness, and to my knowledge she isn't and doesn't- is hard.

Also, while she's my only IRL friend, we admittedly aren't super close. Still certainly friends, but we don't know all each other's secrets or anything like that. We just enjoy hanging out outside of work sometimes.

It's hard to fill. Not necessarily in title, but my specific availability is hard to come by and undesirable by those who can- That being a manager who can work closing shifts any night of the week. That's why it'd screw her over, too. Most adults only work during the day since they'll guaranteed leave on time, their evening will be free to make plans, and most of the night staff is teenagers. (Not that they're automatically bad, but we admittedly do have problems more often with them than adults.)

Thank you for your advice! I'm sorry I'm such a pessimist, but I appreciate your thoughts.

 

[Rational man]

If you ask me, i think your workplace sounds chaotic. You know, blame culture, etc. You worry about changing jobs but job change comes to all of us eventually by choice or dismissal. Your manager friend could move on one day too!. Weigh up options in your job choices and consider making a long term plan to find a better job position before your health is smashed. Take care.

 

[Rabbit-]

Two options, one- do it all yourself. Faster, better, everything. Like, every time you walk from one end to the other, make sure you've done ten things. And yes, I know what that means, because this was the choice i made. Two- learn to delegate. Tough, because no one will ever do anything right, but if you train them, then they might. I guess there's a third option, but it doesn't help with your friend, and that's to demand a demotion. Yes, it is an option. And, if you talked to your friend first, she might understand. But you probably don't have what it takes to back away when shit's going to shit. But your shift would actually end when the schedule says it should.

I'm doing everything I physically can at this point, to be honest... I know this is unhealthy so I don't need anyone to mention it, but I've frequently skipped eating on 8-13 hour shifts so that I could get more done, and I still stayed hours afterwards.

Delegating's something I've been working on, admittedly, but I've been doing better lately. A lot of the trouble comes from others not really caring, though, I believe. Since they leave on time, it doesn't affect them if they do a poor job... Whereas I have to redo it or get scolded. I try to train as much as I can, but a lot of our current employees either continue to rush it or for some reason seem to be immune to training- No matter how many times I teach them it never sticks.

I didn't think about a demotion... I'm not sure I'll go that route since as you said it doesn't help with my friend- And I'd honestly worry that, with the way things are now and your correct assumption I have trouble accepting things aren't my problem, I'd just be doing the same things for less pay- but I'll give it some thought since I haven't considered it yet.

Thank you for the suggestions! And for taking the time to read.

---

I'm going to try and sleep for now so I'll respond to anything else sometime tomorrow.

Thank you for listening and for the advice! I honestly wasn't expecting people to give advice since I've felt trapped in a no-win situation for a long time- I do appreciate the input and concern, though.

Edit: Didn't realize that would combine posts, oops.

 

[Aisley]

I really hope you find some way to the pressure valve, wherever it may be. Actually so pissed on your behalf here. These businesses are built on this model, and feed off people who actually work. Dog-fucks just dog-fuck, and people who have work ethics, see what needs to be done and can't ignore it, are just taken advantage of, until what? Either they break down, or they shut down, and not everybody can shut down. It's a rare gift, being able to choose to not give a fuck.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so tiring what you have to endure, having so much dread for what lies ahead in the future truly is such an awful thing. Existence certainly is so unnecessarily cruel but anyway best wishes.

 

[lawlietsph]

I know this probably won't help much, but I just want to say that I admire you for the fact that you even have a job. I am unable to work, I am soooo scared of people and the world in general. I'm trying to make some money online but it's really hard. I wish I was able to function in a workplace. So I just wanted to let you know that you are truly amazing and everyone who can endure a workplace is a warrior to me.

 

[WaitingToGo]

Think of your self and your health, try to get some time off in fact insist on it. This employer is not worth it.
I was a manager for about 10 years for a US company in the Netherlands and I hated every second. I hated managing people and I was hopeless at it, but I stuck it because the salary was fantastic. Now I'm just a regular employee at a different company, much lower pay but much less stress and I go home on time every day.
I hope they will listen to you and ease the workload, what you are doing is not sustainable

 

[Rabbit-]

I apologize very much for the delay- I haven't had much energy, and since I wasn't expecting so many people to try and help me I think I was also a little overwhelmed, though I am thankful for the effort. I'll try to keep my responses quick as I'm sure this reply will be long already.

It sounds like you have made a rod for your own back. The more you take on at work- the more people will expect you to do.

Plus, it sounds like you're nice- which isn't meant as a criticism. It's just that- people will not only come to you with all their needs- some will take the piss- because they know they can get away with it. How good are you at saying 'no'? Like- if that employee asks you something when you have just come on shift- and have no way of knowing- what is your response?

In general, I do struggle with setting boundaries and saying no, but with the examples given I've always been firm and clear about going to someone else since it irritates me quite a lot. It seems to get ignored, though; They'll do the same thing soon after or steamroll over my redirection with "I know, but..."

I mentioned in another reply I've talked to her a few times, and as far as stepping back, my friend actually has told me before that I should, at least in regards to certain things... It's hard to, though, since it usually just ends up causing worse problems for me later. That said, I've thought about this in the time I've been absent and I've come to accept I've been a bit defeatist about this, so thank you for bringing it up. I probably should give it more of a try.

You worry about changing jobs but job change comes to all of us eventually by choice or dismissal. Your manager friend could move on one day too!. Weigh up options in your job choices and consider making a long term plan to find a better job position before your health is smashed. Take care.

That's true- I've worked with several people who have worked here for 15+ years (35 was the highest) and counting, and I'm from a family who tends to stick with the same job for many years, so I suppose I forget that most people tend to switch jobs a few times. I've looked at other jobs before, but I probably should give more thought to a long-term plan. Thank you for the input!

Dog-fucks just dog-fuck, and people who have work ethics, see what needs to be done and can't ignore it, are just taken advantage of, until what? Either they break down, or they shut down, and not everybody can shut down. It's a rare gift, being able to choose to not give a fuck.

I'm very envious of those who have it. I can never relax during my shifts and carry painful amounts of stress home with me every day, but I can't seem to stop caring like some of my coworkers apparently can.

I know this probably won't help much, but I just want to say that I admire you for the fact that you even have a job.

Oh- That's actually very sweet to hear, so thank you. Current issues aside, my mental health makes some things especially difficult even when they come easily to others, so it's admittedly nice to have the effort I've put in recognized. I do wish I had any advice, but I can't say I do. Even so, I wish you the best of luck finding a way to make money online!

Think of your self and your health, try to get some time off in fact insist on it. This employer is not worth it.

I'll do my best, though putting myself first doesn't come easily to me. But you're correct that this isn't sustainable, even for the workplace. Thank you for your concern.

 

[Aisley]

Lol it's your thread, you can do whatever you want with it. Anyway, good luck. It's a fine thing to have good work ethics; it's also a fine thing to have an employer worth good work ethics. Not many out there, but I've seen them. They do exist.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I sounds like you and your friend need to have a conversation about delegating work and holding people accountable for their responsibilities. I'm not saying tell on people, but if there are other managers whose slack you have to pick up, then all the higher ups need to be brought in on this and a solution need to be implemented. You'll burn yourself out with this kind of situation. You're a manager. You can't be timid. If that person is really your friend, she'll understand your predicament and help you out... because after all, she's your boss. That's her responsibility. Otherwise, this is toxic and you need to find another job before you jump ship. You'll die of stress. I wish you luck in this situation. I'm so sorry you're experiencing such an exhausting job.

 

[Rabbit-]

I sounds like you and your friend need to have a conversation about delegating work and holding people accountable for their responsibilities. I'm not saying tell on people, but if there are other managers whose slack you have to pick up, then all the higher ups need to be brought in on this and a solution need to be implemented. You'll burn yourself out with this kind of situation. You're a manager. You can't be timid. If that person is really your friend, she'll understand your predicament and help you out... because after all, she's your boss. That's her responsibility. Otherwise, this is toxic and you need to find another job before you jump ship. You'll die of stress. I wish you luck in this situation. I'm so sorry you're experiencing such an exhausting job.

I mentioned in another reply, but I've talked to her before about my problems. She does at least try to keep the other managers in check, and has to scold one in particular practically weekly, but nothing changes. It's hard to force someone to truly care. Even if she threatened demotion or firing, etc, they're the types to say "Okay, I quit then." and we have so few managers available at night that it'd just make it difficult for me to get a day off at all.

It's a bit hard to admit but you're probably right that this is toxic. I appreciate your concern, and thank you for your input.