Venting So fucking sad (a poem)

[Rainork]

This is a poem I wrote in early 2021- I've often used writing as a way of expression and after falling down the rabbit hole of poems on this site, decided to share one of mine.


The realisation that it was always there,
That's been one of the hardest things I swear.
It plays like a movie flashback reel in my head,
All the times I was 'okay' but wanted to be dead.

It's scary but it's true,
I'm just so lost for what to do.

It's all so pointless, left without meaning,
So I'll lie in bed and I'll stare at the ceiling.
Maybe soon, I'll find the courage to do,
What's always been there and see it through.

It's heavy, it's dark and it's fucking suffocating,
Having to live a life is bloody devastating.
I don't want to do this, I never really have.
I've run out of rhymes, but man, I'm just so fucking sad.

 

[dreamscape1111]

Awesome, keep it up! Writing things out on paper gets them out of our heads which really helps sometimes. The mind comes up with hurtful thoughts all on its own, we don't choose them., we notice, we watch, and are awareness itself. Besides putting them out on paper practicing meditation also helps with gaining some distance from the movements of the mind, life-saving stuff, telling you from experience. May you find/create meaning soon again, I'm rooting for you.

 

[Rainork]

Awesome, keep it up! Writing things out on paper gets them out of our heads which really helps sometimes. The mind comes up with hurtful thoughts all on its own, we don't choose them., we notice, we watch, and are awareness itself. Besides putting them out on paper practicing meditation also helps with gaining some distance from the movements of the mind, life-saving stuff, telling you from experience. May you find/create meaning soon again, I'm rooting for you.

Thank you
Your words are beautifully written as well. I used to find writing was a great escape from the inside of my mind, haven't done much recently but may start writing again soon.
I have tried meditation but unfortunately haven't gotten much from it as I really struggle to quiet/control my mind enough (due to ADHD I think), although I have found yoga allows me to meditate to a certain extent.
All the best to you as well

 

[dreamscape1111]

Thanks. I used to think I had ADHD too! Especially when first starting meditation, lol. It takes time to appreciate what it has to offer, but the effects are cumulative, slow at the beginning, massive after a while. I love stretching as well, doing it every evening now and it's become this sacred space/ritual where I can find myself over and over again no matter what happened. Don't give up though, because you already are what you seek, Presence, Awareness, unconditional Love seeking Itself.