Venting So fucking lonely

[hopeis5427]

I dont even want to try anymore,like im so fucking tired of this.From now on ill just spend time with cardboard cut outs and cute little kittens.

me trying to be as friendly and talkative as possible:gets ignored aka the cold shoulder
me doesn't talk much: why do you barely talk are you mute hahaha lets all make fun off her,why does she barely talk and act that way hahaha,*gets bullied*

i try really hard to be as friendly and verbal as possible (I have social anxiety and naturally i am barely verbal so trying to be friendly or talkative is hard ) but then the reaction i get makes me feel like shit or what i ever did wasn't enough to please those people,and then when i dont talk i get viewed as this easy prey for bullying which is used for people to take their frustration and insecurities out on

Despite me naturally not being a very verbal person i used to be articulate when talking well i am not anymore,being treated like horrible shit and having anxiety attacks almost every day for the past 4 years has completely damaged my brain in the place for communication . I constantly mix words,jumbled up words not only in my speech but in my thoughts too.My thoughts and speech is a mess and many other things too.

 

[Zanexx]

It's tremendously difficult having social anxiety. When I've been in social situations, I always have to think so hard about everything, what to say, when to smile, when to look sad, whether I'm coming across as inauthentic.

The hardest thing is that I always feel like for the people I'm talking to, they aren't having to struggle to interact like I am, which in turn leads me to feel bitter and even more alone.

 

[hopeis5427]

It's tremendously difficult having social anxiety. When I've been in social situations, I always have to think so hard about everything, what to say, when to smile, when to look sad, whether I'm coming across as inauthentic.

The hardest thing is that I always feel like for the people I'm talking to, they aren't having to struggle to interact like I am, which in turn leads me to feel bitter and even more alone.

same for the first sentence.

when ever i try to talk to someone they barely even try to converse with me and the ones that did try to talk to me gave me the cold shoulder after a while

 

[agreement]

The times, when I had a pseudo-social life, that I was totally sure to have done everything ok in pretending/being/faking being ok, were the only times that people came up to me asking if I was all right.

 

[Isabella]

I'm tired of feeling like I'm unlovable and don't matter but I've been made to feel that way my entire life, I think death is the only peace I'll get from hurt and loneliness

 

[TengoK]

I have Aspergers, a known side effect of which is difficulty with social interaction and communication. The few friends I had thought it was rather charming at first, I think, because I was more together then. But then they realised that, in their eyes at least, it made me rather boring because all I wanted was simple company, not to go to a gig or an event or something with all that noise and all those people. As a result, I've barely seen anyone in almost exactly the last two years - I saw two friends at Christmas / New Year 2016/17 and then one friend to go to the theatre in February 2017, and since then nothing. The only people I see are meter readers, grocery delivery people, the caretaker. That's it. Even though I hate the place I live, I've now developed severe agoraphobia as a result and can barely even open my front door to but rubbish out.

There are a lot of reasons why I want to get off this infernal planet, but the major one at the moment is absolute gut-wrenching, incapacitating loneliness. Loneliness beyond belief.