Venting So fucking frustrated

[RealMe]

I feel so fucking dumb like I dont know shit when I post on here. I dont onow if this is just normal because I am new or if I am just extra stupid. For instance I'm pretty sure you're supposed to use the deep/dark when using this site. Since I cant for the life of me figure out how to access the deep/dark web I'm using the onion/tor browser but I dont even know if it's working considering I read on their website you have to do all these other things to ensure that your search history other info is actually private and my dumb ass cant seem to figure out how to do all those other steps. So because I cant seem to figure out how to protect my privacy I'm sure my IP is being watched or some shit. Or maybe it isnt I dont fucking know. I dont even know what IP stands for fuck's sake though I do think that is one thing I could actually successfully figure out.

So since I cant jse the deep and dark web I am terrified of looking things up as I am not sure if I will be on some sort of stupid watchlist by searching all these suicide related things. Also I know theres a lot more info on there if I could just fucking access it. For instance without it I have limited methods to work with as I assume I cant order N or any other drug without it. But even I could order it me being the idiot I am I dont know how I could keep it hidden or ingest it without getting caught. Let alone finding a way to pay for it or having it safely delivered.

Anyway I'm just frustrated about a lot of things but this is just one of them I'm sure everyone thinks I'm some naive 14 year old or some shit but in reality I'm just a really really dumb 21 year old who is just way too sheltered.

Before people start telling me to reconsider suicide please note that I do not want to commit solely based on depression or a failed relationship or something of the sort but rather a number of health issues that are very painful and dont have very many good treatment options. While I can live with them for now I certainly dont want to for the next 50-60 years and I feel I have the right to learn about suicide in case I dont want to live with the chronic pain anymore

 

[Anarchy]

The dark web is very hard to navigate, from my experience. Apparently, though, you can look up onion links, which are links that are only accessible via the TOR browser. Theere should be links to dark markets and such. I guess you could talk to people who have ordered it to find out how to keep it hidden.
As for security...
This site is supposed to be very secure. I think that there's something between your device and the server which stops people from knowing what site you are browsing. Cloudfare or something like that. That's just my understanding though, I might be wrong about that. But I trust that the site is very secure.
Everyone's browsing history gets recorded by their internet service provider, but as far as I know, they don't go looking at people's browsing habits unless authorities tell them to, but you'd have to commit a crime or something like that - they don't do that because someone's suicidal.
IP is a number that is used to identify your device: when you go on a website, the host knows your IP and they can use it to track the location of your computer, but I think they need police help to do that. The police would only do that if you said that you were planning to kill yourself on some common website.

 

[Midnight]

Your provider/the police/government/ etc etc have no interest in the fact that you are on this website. Nobody cares. Unless you have comitted serious crimes or stuff like that they could care less about what your browsing habits are. Some people here think the police is going to come to your door because you seem to have suicidal tendencies because of browsing this forum... Stuff like that will never happen.

Even if you ctb no one is going to bother looking for what you where browsing when you where alive cause it doesn't matter one bit (unless again they need info like when someone who did a serious crime before or while killing themselves) but this is not the case so relax ...

The only reason you should leave little trace of your browsing history is when you don't want your family/partner etc to find out that you read/post here while you are still alive.

Alot of people are really paranoid about this stuff but really it doesn't matter one bit. There's enough stuff going on in our heads as it is so don't worry about trivial stuff like this.

As the person above said just keep your thoughts off of social media if you don't want to arouse suspision about your thoughts/tendencies

 

[Tiburcio]

Your provider/the police/government/ etc etc have no interest in the fact that you are on this website. Nobody cares. Unless you have comitted serious crimes or stuff like that they could care less about what your browsing habits are. Some people here think the police is going to come to your door because you seem to have suicidal tendencies because of browsing this forum... Stuff like that will never happen.

And sometimes they ignore you even if you do a crime... You have to do something really serious; if not, they'll give a fuck about you.