I'm so depressed. I just tried to practice partial at my workplace, tried hanging myself (just to practice) with a scarf in the fitting room. I didn't even feel close to passing out. Now I just have a sore throat. I went and got another scarf and I didn't feel myself getting lightheaded with that one either. I can't take this anymore. I just want cry and shout. I want to die so badly. It's so unfair that euthanasia isn't legal. I'm so angry and so depressed. I can't take it. Every second feels like torture.
I can't afford failing again. My last attempt, the psychiatrist at the psych ward said I'd be kept in a "locked facility for months" the next time I attempted suicide. And being there were some of the worst 10 days of my life. I'm so overwhelmed. All I want is a guaranteed death. I wish SN was certain, but vomiting can keep you alive, and meto doesn't always prevent you from vomiting. The most fatal methods: hanging and jumping, are out of my reach. I need more money to book a high-rise hotel room in my city (and account for obstacles like cars, construction) and I can't even pass out with hanging. I'm so desperate. I woke up and instantly had an anxiety attack. I looked at the ceiling and just said out loud "Please, just let me die. Please" to the wall.
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I feel you man. I failed hanging numerous times. Get really light headed but thats it. Its all luck
I'm crying my eyes out... I feel so horrible. I feel so alone, it hurts. No one understands... and when people understand I'm this depressed, they don't want to be around me... I feel so horrible. I'm so scared I won't be able to ctb... it's all I want.
Sweet Release
Experienced
- Nov 24, 2019
- 252
I can relate.
I set up a noose to do partial suffocation and by the time I finally gathered enough courage to go through with it the strangulation doesn't work and eventually I get too tired to keep trying or a run out of time because I have to go to work or be somewhere else.
I am trapped between wanting to die and not being able to die.
I set up a noose to do partial suffocation and by the time I finally gathered enough courage to go through with it the strangulation doesn't work and eventually I get too tired to keep trying or a run out of time because I have to go to work or be somewhere else.
I am trapped between wanting to die and not being able to die.
Lady black
35 male, central Europe, German speaking
- Oct 22, 2018
- 1,192
I think if you will be 100% sure to die by hanging you should do full suspension. If you are not found and the rope is fixed good, you will die for sure
Lotus1818
Experienced
- Nov 4, 2019
- 248
Sounds like ur really scared to die. That's why you wanna use partial. Perhaps thinking of another method could help you. It's not bad if partial isn't your way. There is a reason why there are so many methods
If anyone is expecting to die easy or painless by hanging, you're dreaming. There is going to be some pain with death.
Sad_Autistic_boy_101
When I die, you'll love me.
- Nov 19, 2019
- 453
However 10 mins of pain is better for a life time of freedom
I really don't care if the method is painful, I just want it to work.
I want to jump but I need money for the hotel room in the city (it's a penthouse with a balcony) so I'm saving up, and I need to be 21 so I have to wait a year. I'm getting desperate to die. That's why I'm considering resorting to my backup plan, partial. But I can't even get lightheaded. Maybe I'm using the wrong ligatures? What has worked for people here? Width and texture?
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Update. I tried again, at home this time. I can't get lightheaded. Not even slightly. Tried for hours, hung there for maybe 2 minutes each time with a different scarf, nothing.
Just to see if it would make a difference, I wrapped a belt around my neck and pulled really tight. I felt a pressure building in my head pretty quickly. And then my hearing going out, and the ringing in my ears getting louder. I didn't really feel myself getting faint though. But it was relieving that something can have an effect. I can't suspend myself with the belt though. Belts are too flimsy. I need to use a rope. I can't achieve this same effect with a rope though. The rope isn't hitting the sweet spot, the carotid arteries, obviously. I've tried placing the rope in different places, getting into different positions, but I just can't feel anything but the pain. No dizziness or lightheadedness. Any advice? I'm so desperate.
Just to see if it would make a difference, I wrapped a belt around my neck and pulled really tight. I felt a pressure building in my head pretty quickly. And then my hearing going out, and the ringing in my ears getting louder. I didn't really feel myself getting faint though. But it was relieving that something can have an effect. I can't suspend myself with the belt though. Belts are too flimsy. I need to use a rope. I can't achieve this same effect with a rope though. The rope isn't hitting the sweet spot, the carotid arteries, obviously. I've tried placing the rope in different places, getting into different positions, but I just can't feel anything but the pain. No dizziness or lightheadedness. Any advice? I'm so desperate.
I definitely felt an effect with the belt. I think that's because it was constricting my whole neck, and actually putting pressure on the carotid arteries. With the scarf and sheet, most of the pressure was on the windpipe. No matter what position I got into, I couldn't get enough of the pressure onto the carotid arteries without the belt. That's the issue. That's why I feel myself getting disoriented with the belt, but not with the scarf and sheet. I noticed that I couldn't breathe with the scarf/sheet. Not a problem, I don't care about the pain as long as I'm going to die. But that's because most of the pressure is on the windpipe, not the arteries. So that's why I'm not passing out.
Ugh, I wish belts were strong enough because it was comfortable and it was working. I think Robin Williams used a belt with a towel for padding? But it's too risky. I'm afraid of the belt breaking, and ending up with brain damage mid-way through.
Sweet Release
Experienced
- Nov 24, 2019
- 252
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