So exhausted

[O_oreo.]

I have been in bed all day, I finished my semester recently but it was very chaotic and exhausting, I was left with much more paranoia than I have, there is a classmate who has been trying to bully me and I have tried to get rid of it but nothing works, I can no longer tolerate being around people, I don't want to go back to school (I had many late nights until dawn and I still feel insufficient, I didn't do anything) I don't want to leave my room, I have felt sadness, hopelessness, irritation, besides I was already diagnosed with BPD, and this is hell, I have already talked about the problems I have, and if it wasn't because I am afraid of death and pain, I wouldn't be here anymore.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
No se si es preocupante pero también hasta hace poco comencé con alucinaciones auditivas antes de dormir y ahora veo imágenes de la nada rápidamente antes de irme a dormir
También siento que todos están en mi contra, están planeando algo y no quieren que me dé cuenta.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful having to suffer like that, I certainly see existence as being so hellish, it's such a cruel existence where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, to me it's horrible how humans just create even more harm.

 

[O_oreo.]

It must be really awful having to suffer like that, I certainly see existence as being so hellish, it's such a cruel existence where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, to me it's horrible how humans just create even more harm.

It is, and I continually have mood swings, nobody believes me about how I feel, and my family is distancing themselves from me, my friends, there's always that crap about: your suffering is nothing, you have nothing, those are no excuses at your age this, and that, you're getting older, grow up already...but they don't see the sacrifices one makes
I don't know what to do...I don't know if I should distance myself anyway, I don't know if I should take the final decision of CTB, there are many things, I am organizing my room even though I just want to sleep, I took my medicine although its effect is little, at least it made me get up.
If I could leave, at least I would leave everything organized so they don't find everything a mess.
The idea of hanging myself crosses my mind a lot because I recently tried it with pills and all I got was choking, purple lips and my mom thinking that I wanted to attract attention.
But I wouldn't want to do it at home because it's not MY house, and I don't want to make a spectacle of myself to the neighbors.
Will this be the end of me?
My friends have done many things for me, acquaintances, family, but their attitudes confuse me, they are often harsh or cruel.