Venting So close.

[BodyOfDaffodil]

I've been abused and used all my life. Never had a place to call home and always put those before me. Things I thought could be considered safe and grant sanctuary like religion or hospitals only furthered to prove to me that nothing in this life is worth living. I have fought hard, each and every day since the time I was eight years old. I wasn't suppose to live this long, I was suppose to die a long time ago. Now that I'm eighteen and to be graduating soon, I've come to the conclusion that my existence is meaningless and doesn't serve a purpose. Sure, I was everyone's caretaker at one point and was the only responsible person in my family; yet that doesn't make me feel any better. It just adds to the mounting failures I keep on my shoulders.
I tried to go to the police and file charges against my father in specific, and you know what they told me? They have more important things to do than deal with my SA allegation. I have tried numerous times to contact authority and report my father to them, beg the police or anyone in that matter to help me and still no one has come forward to do such things. I'm on the edge of my rope, and I feel as though I'm ready to let it all go and die. My body is exhausted, my brain is burning out more and more everyday. My pills aren't working anymore and my S/H addiction is only getting worse.
I just want someone or anyone in that manner to just listen to what I have to say and take me seriously. I don't know if I can keep going anymore, it's getting harder and harder everyday to attend my final days of high school before summer break. All I want to do is do an obscene amount of drugs and not think anymore, become a mindless drug addict that can't even remember if I'm human or not.
I'm so close to ending it all, and yet I hold on. I don't know why.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. It's clear you have suffered awful things in life yet fought on so hard. I'm sorry you haven't received the support you deserve and are entitled to. It's just sickening to read that the services we all pay for aren't there when we need them. I'm sorry. People here will definitely listen but I doubt that helps much.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds so awful what you've had to endure, this world where people suffer all through no fault of their own undeniably is so horrific, but anyway I wish you the best, it's so disgusting how humans create so much harm, I certainly despise existence.

 

[deomlez]

Yes we are here. It breaks me heart to read such things. I m far to contest your wish to ctb, but did you try injured child associations ? I m not us but european so pergaps i react as a stranger...
Anyway, I trust you. We trust you.

 

[BodyOfDaffodil]

Yes we are here. It breaks me heart to read such things. I m far to contest your wish to ctb, but did you try injured child associations ? I m not us but european so pergaps i react as a stranger...
Anyway, I trust you. We trust you.

I've tried everything I could think of. No one seems to care about me, and I'm at the end of it all.

I'm so sorry. It's clear you have suffered awful things in life yet fought on so hard. I'm sorry you haven't received the support you deserve and are entitled to. It's just sickening to read that the services we all pay for aren't there when we need them. I'm sorry. People here will definitely listen but I doubt that helps much.

I just want to know what I did to the authorities to make them despise me so much. Even when I was kicked out in the midst of november, in the middle of a blizzard at the tempature was well below minus 30, I went to the police station and asked for sanctuary and help, yet the turned me away saying that once more they had other things to deal with.

It really sounds so awful what you've had to endure, this world where people suffer all through no fault of their own undeniably is so horrific, but anyway I wish you the best, it's so disgusting how humans create so much harm, I certainly despise existence.

Thank you for the kind words. I utterly despise humanity as a whole and wished nothing more than harm upon those who refused to help me. At this point I'm looking for solutions to a painless way to CTB.

 

[deomlez]

Ok sorry having asked this.

 

[SilentSadness]

That sounds devastating. This society is seemingly full of terrible, hateful people who wish the worst on others. I think you must be very strong to go through that, and whatever you choose to do, you are still a strong person. And it's unsurprising, yet sickening just how little people care about others being abused or mistreated (unless they try to ctb, of course.)

 

[BodyOfDaffodil]

That sounds devastating. This society is seemingly full of terrible, hateful people who wish the worst on others. I think you must be very strong to go through that, and whatever you choose to do, you are still a strong person. And it's unsurprising, yet sickening just how little people care about others being abused or mistreated (unless they try to ctb, of course.)

Thank you for your kind words, it's nice to hear something nice every once in a while. I don't think I'm going to CTB any time soon as I do have hopes about making it out of this situation I'm in. I want you to know that you're a strong person as well, and I hope nothing but the best for you and everyone else on this website.