Damn you just told the whole story here. She has five kids but lost custody of three. She wouldn't even have the two she has if it weren't for other people taking care of her. She is always asking me for money. She will say her kids need this or that. Use them as a weapon basically. She asked me to buy her birthday gifts this morning. Her birthday is in march.
mine was two weeks ago and she didn't get me a thing. But I'm supposed to get her a gift for her birthday in march when my phone battery is shot and I need a new phone. We need help paying the rent from the church this month. She owes me money. She asks me for money no less than twice a month. She's always degrading me telling me I'm stubborn and that I don't listen and I need to leave my husband like it's my marriage my choice. She only ever hits me up first if she's asking for something. Like she'd rather buy cigs and pot then diapers and wipes or school supplies…. All she does is complain about having to take care of the kids too and then her nephew that lives there
She'll lose the other two, eventually. It sounds like the same person (joking), because it's very similar. No regard for the kids, all money goes on her selfish needs. Poor kids, I feel so sorry for them. Not to worry, when they're older, they will hate her.
Does she live local to you? I would honestly cut her out, even if you do it so gradually that she doesn't notice. You could change your number, or block her etc. Not telling you what to do, but the fact is that you can't afford to do it, and it's not your responsibility. She is a grown woman and she is making you responsible for it.
You honestly need to start saying no. Trust me, I know how hard it is. I used to be a chronic people pleaser when I knew this lass, but now I'm not, and let me tell you how freeing saying no is! Boundaries are SO important in life. It will literally change you as a person for the better. Much better.
Start small, and work your way up. Put small boundaries in place - it takes time, it doesn't happen over night.
Baby steps. It'll take time, but it can be done. Once I started doing it, I felt so much better for it. I'm a completely different person now, and much better in myself for it. Now I have boundaries and make people respect them, whereas I didn't before. No means no, and if someone can't respect that, they don't deserve your time.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I care. And I know how emotionally destroying it is, and the rest of it, but the emotional damage is worse. Please look after YOU, you are important. You are number one! NOT HER.
Think about what YOU want, not what she wants. This is about YOU. Start sticking up for yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. You don't owe anyone ANYTHING, you owe yourself to do right by you.
This is time to do right by YOU! Be there for yourself. Hold your head high, and be proud of yourself for who you are. You were not put on this earth to serve others!! Please remember that!
