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LifeisaNightmare

Member
Apr 19, 2020
10
I've been living too long than I wanted to. It hurts me every day that I live.
Are there other people here who just live because they can't get the method they want to die from?
 
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A

almost ded

Member
Apr 9, 2020
18
I'm. try partial hanging failed miserably.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
I hear you I should´ve been dead 6-7 years ago, had I just followed through instead of "giving life another chance" I would have been spared to suffer this horrible existence that is my "life"
 
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Ramirez

Ramirez

Criminally insane
Jun 10, 2019
396
cant seem to leave this shitworld. ive my method since 2018 but its so fucking hard for me to beat self preservation and the 2 instances i did it just wouldnt work and i had to rot in psych ward for months :angry:. its so frustrating!
 
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GoneGoneGone

Enlightened
Apr 1, 2020
1,141
I've been living too long than I wanted to. It hurts me every day that I live.
Are there other people here who just live because they can't get the method they want to die from?
Well ideally I'd like to die due to an external event, like plane crash, or getting run over by a car (I'm sorry if anyone here is offended by this), or some random allergy I didn't know about (again, sorry if this affects someone).
Ideally I'd like to go have a long sleep on benzos and Z drugs, but I invariably wake up from them. I'm wondering if I should wait a couple of months to get my hands on a stash of hydrocodone or codeine... :zzz:
 
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darkhorse256

darkhorse256

Student
Mar 10, 2020
112
I'm living because I made a promise to my bf, which I want to keep before I CTB. Also because I can't go by jumping since I can't travel due to the lockdown.
 
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B

Blutsager

Experienced
Mar 11, 2020
220
I was born at the sixth month of my conception, rather than ninth. 900 grams. I spent my entire first year of my life inside an ICU for babies. My mom was told by the doctors I wouldn't make it, or that i would be deaf, blind, paraplegic, mentally damaged, and so much more. My lounges were particularly weak and were always at the brink of collapse. But my mom didn't give up, she never faltered. She would go, day and night, from doctor to doctor, to get me the best medical support she could get with as little resources as she had. Once I was out of the ICU, it was only the beginning. She would stay awake, sleeping only by small spans of half an hour, as I would sometimes "forget to breath" as she describes it. She would have to do certain massages to me to re-engage my lounges, to ensure I would keep breathing. She did this for months, never giving up. Death accompanied me through all those times, and much later into my life.
Arturo. One of the first words I learnt to say, years later, Arthur, in English. When I was once again in the brink of death, I spoke that name. My mom claims it was my angel, and that I had named it. I understand now it was not any angel, but death, gloming over me. Perhaps it took pity of me, perhaps it saw my mother's efforts and decided she deserved me to live. Or perhaps death does not choose when shall we depart, but merely comes to take us, when our time has come, and it was not my time.
Whichever the case may be, I endured. I am now a 27 yo person, perfectly healthy, in all senses of the word. No damage, physical or mental, no scars were left on me. I endured, thanks to my mom's efforts.
It saddens me I won't be able to do the same for her. Once she finally gets infected, I won't even be allowed to be there with her, and even less have the power to do anything for her. Perhaps if she decides to reject any treatment and stay at home instead, may I at least accompany her until it is the end... and then accompany her on the afterlife, as I take my life after her corpse is cold.
Arturo... dearest of all my friends... when our time has come, is it your call or you simply coming to your appointment... please do not delay. I will wait for you, my friend, and receive with the smile of seeing you once again... for the last time.
 
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