Help Sneaking things

[Creative Username]

I know this may sound really selfish and I know my parents still love me to a degree. And a lot of you may have it worse than me, but for 8 years all I've been becoming was more and more desperate to die and I feel like things have either gotten worse or never changed, worst of all, my parents never seem to understand despite them always saying they know how I feel and just think someday they'll find the right medicine and *POOF* all my problems and sadness is gone and they don't get it doesn't work like that and some problems don't have fixings. (And sometimes, they are the problems themselves and whenever I try to explain how they either get defensive or make me feel terrible for bringing anything up). Anyways I tried being patient and deciding to just wait until I can finally afford my own home so I can just order whatever methods for suicide without them being curious, but sometimes my stress, guilt, or despair gets so unbearable I can't take it anymore!! Does anyone know how I could possibly sneak things home to painlessly off myself with without them being suspicious? Like have a believable lie if they ask me about what I got and what for, or any ways I could successfully kill myself quickly so they won't have time to bring me to a hospital to "save me", I really don't want to live through a mental hospital again if I survive. I can't use anything I already have at the house because guns, knives, and medications that can kill me if I overdose are locked in safes. Thank you for whatever help I can get…