Discussion "Snapping out of it"

[alivefornow]

Even though I consider myself to have become "permanently suicidal", thinking about it everyday and having a very clear wish to CTB, there are rare instances of time when I "snap out". When this happens, I think I'm being stupid and I should just let my life happen, as I always have. This doesn't last though, after a while I return to my regular, suicidal state of mind.

This happens mostly when I'm high on weed, which is not often because I've been avoiding mixing drugs with my prescription meds.

Anyone's had simlar experiences?

 

[EndlessDream]

Yea I'm avoiding weed cause it makes me temporarily hopeful of life. Of course that sort of dependence on drugs isn't viable for me in functioning and doing day-to-day activities. My default, drug-less state is being suicidal :)

 

[Helios-III]

Even though I consider myself to have become "permanently suicidal", thinking about it everyday and having a very clear wish to CTB, there are rare instances of time when I "snap out". When this happens, I think I'm being stupid and I should just let my life happen, as I always have. This doesn't last though, after a while I return to my regular, suicidal state of mind.

This happens mostly when I'm high on weed, which is not often because I've been avoiding mixing drugs with my prescription meds.

Anyone's had simlar experiences?

I feel similar to you.

I am not immediately ready to CTB, but I know for certain I want to, and it gives me peace. I want to minimize stresses and maximize enjoyment of the things I love for as long as I'm able to and can afford it. I want to get things in order for the loved ones I'll leave behind.

Interestingly, MJ does not make me feel unsure. But I'll test it some more, haha.

 

[alivefornow]

I feel similar to you.

I am not immediately ready to CTB, but I know for certain I want to, and it gives me peace. I want to minimize stresses and maximize enjoyment of the things I love for as long as I'm able to and can afford it. I want to get things in order for the loved ones I'll leave behind.

Interestingly, MJ does not make me feel unsure. But I'll test it some more, haha.

I understand exactly what you mean about peace. Having this exit button, knowing I can quit whenever I want, that brings me comfort. I'm not even sure I will CTB once I acquire SN. I will probably just sit on it, waiting for the right moment, while drawing comfort and relief from knowing it's right there, waiting for me too.

 

[Source Energy]

I understand exactly what you mean about peace. Having this exit button, knowing I can quit whenever I want, that brings me comfort. I'm not even sure I will CTB once I acquire SN. I will probably just sit on it, waiting for the right moment, while drawing comfort and relief from knowing it's right there, waiting for me too.

I think the same.
But then I remember past moments of total despair and heartbreak, when if I had had something reliable to take, I would have.
In my situation, moments like these can arise any day. And luckily, SN is almost here. Next time, I will brace myself and not look back. How bad can it be? Surely not as bad as more years of torment.