Venting SN gone :(

[MeltingHeart]

Still can't believe they took my SN that was lifeline (maybe not the right word - but you know what I mean) that was the only method I could access that I wasn't scared of! Why force me to stay alive - when I am so hated. I wanted to jump out the window of the Travel lodge - but too scared . I find hanging attempts so so so so scary, painful, uncomfortable. I started to feel slightly more at peace once I'd placed my order for SN - now I feel trapped again & have to face the fear of another scarier method . :(

 

[Astral316]

Can you order more SN?

 

[MeltingHeart]

Can you order more SN?
[/QUOTE
Guess will have to - and find a click and collect type thing- I just was so so ready - I didn't want any more days . It was the first time I had felt a little calmer in months when I knew it was on the way. Not I am consumed with anxiety again . And the longer you hve to think and build up to it - the worst the nerves get- for me anyways

 

[Girobatol]

Who took your SN? Authorities?

 

[MeltingHeart]

Who took your SN? Authorities?

Step mum found me opening it .

Step mum found me opening it .

Weird as well as she hates me the most, so should have just let me ! Prob wants me to do it a different less easy way

 

[Darkhaven]

What authority does your stepmom have over you that lets her take your things like she owns you?
Doesn't your father put her in place?
Sorry for my bluntness but i have dealt with several stepmothers and stepfathers and, even though they tried to, i was always able to keep them at bay, although that is also thanks to my mother's comprehension.

 

[MeltingHeart]

What authority does your stepmom have over you that lets her take your things like she owns you?
Doesn't your father put her in place?
Sorry for my bluntness but i have dealt with several stepmothers and stepfathers and, even though they tried to, i was always able to keep them at bay, although that is also thanks to my mother's comprehension.

I'm an adult and am staying in their house. He is under the thumb, has never had any input in anything. Especially anything to do with me.

 

[Darkhaven]

I'm an adult and am staying in their house. He is under the thumb, has never had any input in anything. Especially anything to do with me.

I luve with my mother.
But, eh, my father is more or less the same.
The last "witch" he fucked around was a depraved control freak and made him record videos while he was away from her just so she could know where he was at.
Got to the point of starting to slap him in the middle of a restaurant.
In the past he had one that convinced him to stop giving me child support, and developed a sick obssession with my mother.
He is alone now (i think).
But, yeah, having a father that behaves like a tool for the women he takes to sleep with him can be horrifying, specially when you live with them and the start to turn against you.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I luve with my mother.
But, eh, my father is more or less the same.
The last "witch" he fucked around was a depraved control freak and made him record videos while he was away from her just so she could know where he was at.
Got to the point of starting to slap him in the middle of a restaurant.
In the past he had one that convinced him to stop giving me child support, and developed a sick obssession with my mother.
He is alone now (i think).
But, yeah, having a father that behaves like a tool for the women he takes to sleep with him can be horrifying, specially when you live with them and the start to turn against you.

I just DO not know why they took away my opportunity to do what I wanted to do it would have solved everything. It's bemuses me. I can't ask them as I am not allowed to talk really . My dad does not spk to me really - unless mimicking something she has said- and she just shouts at me even if I say one sentence . So I can't even question why they took away

 

[Darkhaven]

I just DO not know why they took away my opportunity to do what I wanted to do it would have solved everything. It's bemuses me. I can't ask them as I am not allowed to talk really . My dad does not spk to me really - unless mimicking something she has said- and she just shouts at me even if I say one sentence . So I can't even question why they took away

So she basically has zero respect for you even though you're an adult?

 

[MeltingHeart]

So she basically has zero respect for you even though you're an adult?

Yup. You hit the nail on the head. Less than zero if that's possible - like minus

 

[RightToExit]

I'm sorry you lost your way out. I know how unpleasant that is.

What I don't understand is why you let it happen. You just let her take it? Without insisting on your property rights?

Good news, now you've learned your lesson and next time find another way.

 

[Jean Améry]

I would advise to get your own place so you can do whatever you want to do and no-one will be able to stop you. I would not advise doing something rash out of sheer desperation. Do not put yourself through the ordeal of a method you're not comfortable with and which might go very wrong since you're probably not in a good state of mind right now where you can plan carefully.

Give yourself a break, relax, cherish the contempt you have in your heart for those who do not respect you and know this will not last forever. You can be free if you set your mind to it: work to get to a point where you can remove the negative influences in your life. Then you can think things over and decide whether life is worth it or not.

 

[RightToExit]

I'm an adult and am staying in their house.

Try changing that.

 

[Lethe]

Try changing that.

You guys are acting like a depressed person can just up and do that?

 

[Jean Améry]

You guys are acting like a depressed person can just up and do that?

It's either that or endure the humiliation. I know what I would choose.

 

[RightToExit]

You guys are acting like a depressed person can just up and do that?

I did write "try". I'm aware not everybody has perfect options. It's not really any of my business, but such hostile living conditions are not something I personally would tolerate.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Try changing that.

i lived and survived entirely on my own since 17 (after a very mentally abusive childnood) with no one in the world to turn to - twenty or so years later I have had severe breakdown - so I got collected by a dad who is virtual stranger(the first time he has ever come to see me since I was about 5) - after being contacted by various people who i know-so he kind of had no choice!! I want to get away but my breakdown is so strong-walking to a near by shop can cause me to collapse. Despite being completely self sufficient from a fairly young age- i dont know what has happened to me-ive lost my whole identity-sending me into a deeper despair (and i have never ever been one to feel sorry for myself- but yeah right now-i kind of do-i have become somewhat of a pityful shred of a human being-which makes me hate myself even more)

I'm sorry you lost your way out. I know how unpleasant that is.

What I don't understand is why you let it happen. You just let her take it? Without insisting on your property rights?

Good news, now you've learned your lesson and next time find another way.

shes called up an ambulance and some kind of 'poison control' or something-everyone freaked the f**k out-if I didnt hand it over -they were going to section me.

 

[RightToExit]

i lived and survived entirely on my own since 17 (after a very mentally abusive childnood) with no one in the world to turn to - twenty or so years later I have had severe breakdown - so I got collected by a dad who is virtual stranger(the first time he has ever come to see me since I was about 5) - after being contacted by various people who i know-so he kind of had no choice!! I want to get away but my breakdown is so strong-walking to a near by shop can cause me to collapse. Despite being completely self sufficient from a fairly young age- i dont know what has happened to me-ive lost my whole identity-sending me into a deeper despair (and i have never ever been one to feel sorry for myself- but yeah right now-i kind of do-i have become somewhat of a pityful shred of a human being-which makes me hate myself even more)

shes called up an ambulance and some kind of 'poison control' or something-everyone freaked the f**k out-if I didnt hand it over -they were going to section me.

Sorry to hear it. As I wrote before, we have no human rights consensus. You should have the right to choose. Unfortunately, you and I don't make the laws.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I would advise to get your own place so you can do whatever you want to do and no-one will be able to stop you. I would not advise doing something rash out of sheer desperation. Do not put yourself through the ordeal of a method you're not comfortable with and which might go very wrong since you're probably not in a good state of mind right now where you can plan carefully.

Give yourself a break, relax, cherish the contempt you have in your heart for those who do not respect you and know this will not last forever. You can be free if you set your mind to it: work to get to a point where you can remove the negative influences in your life. Then you can think things over and decide whether life is worth it or not.

I know life is not worth it for me-I know thats it for me-but i am too shit scared to do other methods-because I have tried vigoursly-my mental health is so kaput- I cant even see how i could even begin to organise a place on my own-depsite so many years of entire self-sufficiency- my psyche is beyond f**ked. Ive lost every essence of my identity. I barely know who I am anymore.

Sorry to hear it. As I wrote before, we have no human rights consensus. You should have the right to choose. Unfortunately, you and me don't make the laws.

I know! I was trying to say- nothing I have done is illegal-buying the product- having it-suicide- is not illegal-they kept going on about 'duty of care' and the more I tried to explain that I was not being impulsive -but it was a considered 'option' for me they basically said 'if you keep talking' you will be 'sent away' by the ' men in white coats' essentially -because some people deem that ANYone that has a desire to end their life is clinically 'not in their right mind' failing to be honest and/ or understand that maybe just maybe for some people it actually might be the best option

Sorry to hear it. As I wrote before, we have no human rights consensus. You should have the right to choose. Unfortunately, you and I don't make the laws.

I know right