Venting SN Frustration

[Nightwillalwayswin]

I have had three serious suicide attempts in the past that all led to hospitalisation and two of the three very nearly killed me.

I've therefore been frustrated as to why I have just not been able to drink one glass of SN when I feel worse now. I realise with my other attempts, they were impulsive. I had been feeling suicidal but then there had been a trigger and I decided "that's it".

With all the things that you should do first, it's very hard to impulsively go for SN and succeed.

By the time you've even fasted for a few hours your brain has time to talk you out of it. Even if it hasn't, being very hungry and having the energy and determination to kill yourself is harder than I thought!

I was doing well battling my SI today; I told myself that I wanted to die with dignity and not be dragged kicking and screaming so I was quite calm. However, when it came to it… I was too hungry. I was so hungry I was feeling weak and a bit sick already and I just could not conceive of adding to that and dying at the same time. Willpower died.

I know it's the best we've got without N but gosh, I just wish there was something easier.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can be very difficult as even know we want to die, humans have to overcome the SI in order to ctb. At least you have the option of a method by your side for when the time is right to leave. I think that many people who went through with it were likely certain and determined and many were likely desperate to escape which meant that they were able to free themselves from all suffering. I envy those who are gone. It is understandable wishing for ctb to be easier, I'm sure that many would like the option to simply never wake again. That sounds ideal to me.

 

[Hollowillow]

I have had three serious suicide attempts in the past that all led to hospitalisation and two of the three very nearly killed me.

I've therefore been frustrated as to why I have just not been able to drink one glass of SN when I feel worse now. I realise with my other attempts, they were impulsive. I had been feeling suicidal but then there had been a trigger and I decided "that's it".

With all the things that you should do first, it's very hard to impulsively go for SN and succeed.

By the time you've even fasted for a few hours your brain has time to talk you out of it. Even if it hasn't, being very hungry and having the energy and determination to kill yourself is harder than I thought!

I was doing well battling my SI today; I told myself that I wanted to die with dignity and not be dragged kicking and screaming so I was quite calm. However, when it came to it… I was too hungry. I was so hungry I was feeling weak and a bit sick already and I just could not conceive of adding to that and dying at the same time. Willpower died.

I know it's the best we've got without N but gosh, I just wish there was something easier.

I was told that SN can work without the other stuff. I'd keep drinking more doses if I puke. I'd buy 4.

If I wake in agony I could do it, no food for 8h when I wake up

 

[actual_fox]

This stopped me from SN too. The wait and anticipation. And the idea that you have to wait for death like 10 mins or more. But I believe It will be peaceful once I drink It. Puking is not bad when you start feeling unconscious. It is matter of your mindset. I will be thinking how I became free.

 

[emgrl]

I was told that SN can work without the other stuff. I'd keep drinking more doses if I puke. I'd buy 4.

If I wake in agony I could do it, no food for 8h when I wake up

That's what I'm thinking, just do it in the morning after you've slept and already fasted.

 

[tiny_dancer]

That's what I'm thinking, just do it in the morning after you've slept and already fasted.

That's my plan too. Less time to think about it beforehand as well. Mornings are the worst for me so might as well use that to my advantage, when SI is the lowest.

OP, I totally agree. That impulsively can definitely be your friend and help to actually follow through.

 

[emgrl]

That's my plan too. Less time to think about it beforehand as well. Mornings are the worst for me so might as well use that to my advantage, when SI is the lowest.

OP, I totally agree. That impulsively can definitely be your friend and help to actually follow through.

Same for me, I despise mornings, I'll use that for everything it's worth.

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

I agree it's good to do it after sleep's inherent fast but I have tried to do it first thing in the morning more than once and still failed. Waking up from sleep and trying to immediately kill yourself is so disorientating and difficult. It then gets to past lunch and I'm starving and feel sick with hunger

 

[Hollowillow]

Same for me, I despise mornings, I'll use that for everything it's worth.

I go to bed when the sun rises, I hate mornings... Waking up still hurts

 

[tiny_dancer]

I agree it's good to do it after sleep's inherent fast but I have tried to do it first thing in the morning more than once and still failed. Waking up from sleep and trying to immediately kill yourself is so disorientating and difficult. It then gets to past lunch and I'm starving and feel sick with hunger

That's interesting, I would have thought being a bit disoriented would kind of help. Plus you are already in bed…
I'm sorry that was your experience :(

 

[Hollowillow]

I agree it's good to do it after sleep's inherent fast but I have tried to do it first thing in the morning more than once and still failed. Waking up from sleep and trying to immediately kill yourself is so disorientating and difficult. It then gets to past lunch and I'm starving and feel sick with hunger

You could get into an habit of drinking salted water in the morning. After a week, the SI will have the reflex. Replace it by salted death

 

[RickSanchez2022]

I have had three serious suicide attempts in the past that all led to hospitalisation and two of the three very nearly killed me.

I've therefore been frustrated as to why I have just not been able to drink one glass of SN when I feel worse now. I realise with my other attempts, they were impulsive. I had been feeling suicidal but then there had been a trigger and I decided "that's it".

With all the things that you should do first, it's very hard to impulsively go for SN and succeed.

By the time you've even fasted for a few hours your brain has time to talk you out of it. Even if it hasn't, being very hungry and having the energy and determination to kill yourself is harder than I thought!

I was doing well battling my SI today; I told myself that I wanted to die with dignity and not be dragged kicking and screaming so I was quite calm. However, when it came to it… I was too hungry. I was so hungry I was feeling weak and a bit sick already and I just could not conceive of adding to that and dying at the same time. Willpower died.

I know it's the best we've got without N but gosh, I just wish there was something easier.

What method did you use in your failed attempts?

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

That's interesting, I would have thought being a bit disoriented would kind of help. Plus you are already in bed…
I'm sorry that was your experience :(

Thank you. When I wake up I am startled and scared like I've been chased, my heart is pounding of my chest and I'm in disbelief that I'm about to die. If it was just drinking the SN it would be different, but like I said it's starting and timing the regime

What method did you use in your failed attempts?

Once abrin (niche) twice antifreeze.

 

[Mofreeko]

It's ironic that planned ctb is much more likely to succeed, yet way harder to do.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yes, the lack of impulsivity is frustrating about sn. I can't just do it on a whim. Everything with it has to be timed. Let's see if I can do it.

I'm sorry you're stuck in this kind of limbo. I can definitely relate x

 

[👁️👃👁️]

I'm going to wake up and do it. That way I've fasted all night.