I think knowing it is right there will give you a sense of relief and ease. Knowing that at anytime of your choosing you can exit is an incredibly powerfull feeling. I remember when i once managed to get hold of a gun and did the same thing, just put it aside. Just having it with me, made a huge difference to how i felt each day. I felt lighter, like i was carrying alot less stress. There is so much anxiety in looking for methods, getting access to the various tools etc that you need to exit, in some cases needing to know about IT in order to access certain exit tools, the list goes on and on. But when your method is right there, in your hands, all that anxiety is gone. That is until, the cops bust your home one day and take said exit method away from you....which is what happened to me. Now im back to square 1 again. And again, its no different, the second time around, perhaps worse actually in terms of the stress im under. Sometimes i think to myself, how difficult is it really to get a gun....answer....bloody difficult, actually for me, almost impossible. I dont know anyone that has one, you cant just go out and buy one here in NZ. My only chance of accessing one is maybe by contacting someone on the darkweb. Bigger problem....would not know the first thing about the darkweb or how to access it. Dont know anyone that can access it and look for me.So please,hide it somewhere safe, you do not want to be going thru the living hell that i am and kicking yourself all the time for "losing it" or having the cops find it.
