sn arrived

[ever so lonely]

hiya guys n gals so my sn finally arrived from abroad, it arrived in its packaging and sealed tightly, it is a 100 gram bag, i am looking at it thinking you could kill me this instant, (relief), i so so want it to end, i may leave it a few days and see how i feel, i am also feeling enormous relief ? knowing i can end it at my own choosing, anybody else received there sn and feel similar ? like an enormous weight off your shoulders ?, maybe the burden of living which weighs heavy, i think i am near guys/gals, if you dont hear from me, fear not, means i have offed myself, like some of the great people from this site who have passed over already, it also puts life into perspective, what does this shite mean ? to be living ?, to be here, and suffering as we are ? i mean what is the great scheme of life ?, they say it is when your contemplating life at the end that you tend to have better mental clarity, than ever before, it does seem that way, maybe there some truth to that, i just know i am exhausted and tired as many of us here are, the only difference is i now have the means to end it, reliably, which i have never had at my disposal before, if i do meet my maker, well thanks for having me here, you have been the most understanding and empathetic group of people i have ever met, i want to thank you for that.

 

[freedompass]

I'm glad you received your SN safely and glad it feels sort of empowering. I think contemplating one's own end may be conducive to quite deep thought about the nature of existence that would never occur to most people simply preoccupied with their day to day lives.

 

[October112021]

Take care of yourself, amigo, and good luck to you. <3

 

[makethepainstop]

There is a certain feeling of joy that comes with knowing you ways and means are in hand. There is a certain delight in knowing you are in control.

 

[FuneralCry]

There really is no point to living. We all just exist for the sake of existing just to die and be forgotten about. It's inevitable for us humans.
But I understand why you would feel so relieved at having a way out of this life for when the time is right.
I wish you freedom.

 

[farakini]

Got that feeling today. It's like I'm already free.

 

[Zegers]

anybody else received there sn and feel similar ?

I have SN but i don't feel any different than when i didn't have it... I guess it's the bloody depression.

to be here, and suffering as we are ?

its nonsense leading nowhere

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It must be comforting to have an out should the day ever arrive when you need it.

 

[Justnotme]

Hi, I'm glad you feel easier knowing that you have your way out just in case. I hope it won't hurt to die..
I used to think that getting my way of death would make me feel better (I also bought nitrite and all the pills I needed)
But no, it didn't make me feel any better.
Because my true desire is to die.
And to think that I have a way and postpone it in order to "live" more... I have absolutely no such desire.
The reason I'm postponing my death is not because I still have a small desire to live, but because I'm scared and I'm thinking about my parents.

 

[onaroadtosomewhere]

It's quite freeing to even just have it, isn't it? Good luck on the journey, if and when you decide to take it.