inaminute
Experienced
- Dec 12, 2023
- 201
This is my 20g SN it's about 18 months old I've always kept it in my safe.
I haven't posted here for a while as I had a period of stability of mind however recently I have been suffering physically with an enormous inguinal hernia and waiting on surgery. I'm seeing my consultant on Dec 19th. I could still be placed in a waiting list for a year or more. I can't do that.
My medical records state I have borderline personality disorder. So my GP despite acknowledging my physical problem. I have lumps in my many parts and they are putting it down to cysts. Because I've not been able to work due to the pain from the hernia I can't pay my bills and my credit has taken a hit.
My mum died last year, I have no family apart from my wife and kids and her son who she had before I met her. She and her son take the piss he has these scrap cars dumped on our driveway and refuses to move them whenever I challenge his behaviour, I am the problem.
So rn I am at the point of taking this sn and saying goodbye. I'm unemployable, aged 47 no how of a career in pain everyday and sick of living by selling my possessions to just keep the family afloat despite my wife raking in around£3000 a month and her son and gf who love with us bringing in roughly the same.
I believe I am being used for every hobby or interest I had I had to sell my radio gear, my drone I used to use for photogrammetry and a few days ago my graphics card, so now I can't even play a game to escape.
When I buy a beer at night, I am the problem. I get there's always two sides of the story and if my wife could share her thoughts about me she'd say I'm the selfish one.
Anyway, is this an still viable?
I did consider stabbing myself where the hernia is using my balisong knife which is Japanese steel and very very sharp.
Im considering 5g at first, I have metoclopramide to hand. I just can't keep living like this with my credit cards and debts spiralling which the wife pays her cards off and ignores my needs.
Is this method truly pain free?
I haven't posted here for a while as I had a period of stability of mind however recently I have been suffering physically with an enormous inguinal hernia and waiting on surgery. I'm seeing my consultant on Dec 19th. I could still be placed in a waiting list for a year or more. I can't do that.
My medical records state I have borderline personality disorder. So my GP despite acknowledging my physical problem. I have lumps in my many parts and they are putting it down to cysts. Because I've not been able to work due to the pain from the hernia I can't pay my bills and my credit has taken a hit.
My mum died last year, I have no family apart from my wife and kids and her son who she had before I met her. She and her son take the piss he has these scrap cars dumped on our driveway and refuses to move them whenever I challenge his behaviour, I am the problem.
So rn I am at the point of taking this sn and saying goodbye. I'm unemployable, aged 47 no how of a career in pain everyday and sick of living by selling my possessions to just keep the family afloat despite my wife raking in around£3000 a month and her son and gf who love with us bringing in roughly the same.
I believe I am being used for every hobby or interest I had I had to sell my radio gear, my drone I used to use for photogrammetry and a few days ago my graphics card, so now I can't even play a game to escape.
When I buy a beer at night, I am the problem. I get there's always two sides of the story and if my wife could share her thoughts about me she'd say I'm the selfish one.
Anyway, is this an still viable?
I did consider stabbing myself where the hernia is using my balisong knife which is Japanese steel and very very sharp.
Im considering 5g at first, I have metoclopramide to hand. I just can't keep living like this with my credit cards and debts spiralling which the wife pays her cards off and ignores my needs.
Is this method truly pain free?
