Help Smn who gonna use SN while fam at home?

[shame]

Are there any members alike?
I don't have other choice, cause I can't escape. They know about my severe suicidality and watch me everyday (however I'm 28, yeah). Situation is shit. This is life. I'm already want to scream.

 

[sadalways]

Most likely yeah, unless a rare occasion happens when i'm home alone. I also thought about booking a hotel but my family knows i never go anywhere

 

[DarkestSoul]

I'll attempt SN ingestion at home while family is sleeping.
Sad fact they found my SN.
Luckily i already had taken out 100 gms to store separately which is still hidden and intact.

So you're not alone.
There are so many people like us who do it at home.

 

[shame]

Most likely yeah, unless a rare occasion happens when i'm home alone. I also thought about booking a hotel but my family knows i never go anywhere

The same. I even can't go outside on my own. At least (my only hope) I won't be saved. But I'm tired, I'll take a risk.

Most likely yeah, unless a rare occasion happens when i'm home alone. I also thought about booking a hotel but my family knows i never go anywhere

Do you have any idea how to do that?

 

[futurecorpse]

I plan on ctb in the shed in my backyard since I don't want any of my family members to find me. I can't go to a motel because my family also knows that I don't go anywhere with anyone. We are close in age too

 

[shame]

I plan on ctb in the shed in my backyard since I don't want any of my family members to find me. I can't go to a motel because my family also knows that I don't go anywhere with anyone. We are close in age too

They don't try to overprotect you?

 

[futurecorpse]

They don't try to overprotect you?

And the end of the day, they know I'm an adult who will make her own decisions. They don't try to stop me from doing anything, but they'll ask a lot of questions which gets annoying. That's the part that I don't want to deal with if I were to ctb at a motel

 

[Corvette90]

in a hotel far away from the people I love. thinking to go to the south coast. I'm lucky in a way that the only close person to me has given up. I am committed to sparing them the trauma of finding me.

 

[peacefulafterlife]

i've considered ctbing in a hotel so my folks won't be the ones to find me but i don't want to die in an unfamiliar place. it's already going to be such a lonely experience i at least want to do it in my own bed. i'm somewhat lucky in that my folks partially don't know and partially don't care about my mental instabilities.

 

[Eudaimonic]

If they watch you everyday, then how did you even obtain the supplies?

Anyway, if I use SN, I will be doing it at a hotel

 

[shame]

If they watch you everyday, then how did you even obtain the supplies?

Anyway, if I use SN, I will be doing it at a hotel

It was quite stressful.

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

I'm also going to be doing it at home while everyone is asleep and my bf is at work. He works 12 hour shifts, so I'll have an ample window to do it. The only thing I'm worried about is that I've heard reports on this forum of people making loud groaning and moaning noises while unconscious. It seems that not everybody does it though?? I've been debating whether I should do it somewhere outside the house, but it's winter and very cold… SN CTB is about the last thing I want to experience while freezing. :(

 

[shame]

And the end of the day, they know I'm an adult who will make her own decisions. They don't try to stop me from doing anything, but they'll ask a lot of questions which gets annoying. That's the part that I don't want to deal with if I were to ctb at a motel

This overprotecting just prolongs suffering.
If you are suicidal it means " I should be in a ward, cause it's unnatural", but they chose to make me struggle to the point I'm going crazy, cause of lack of "relief".
However they try to save me, not understanding my eternal "black hole".

 

[shame]

And the end of the day, they know I'm an adult who will make her own decisions. They don't try to stop me from doing anything, but they'll ask a lot of questions which gets annoying. That's the part that I don't want to deal with if I were to ctb at a motel

Hate those kind of questions.. don't you afraid?

I'm also going to be doing it at home while everyone is asleep and my bf is at work. He works 12 hour shifts, so I'll have an ample window to do it. The only thing I'm worried about is that I've heard reports on this forum of people making loud groaning and moaning noises while unconscious. It seems that not everybody does it though?? I've been debating whether I should do it somewhere outside the house, but it's winter and very cold… SN CTB is about the last thing I want to experience while freezing. :(

Outside, it's quite brutally..
Do you feel ready? Ohh..

 

[futurecorpse]

Hate those kind of questions.. don't you afraid?

I'm more worried about how I'd go about ctb as discretely as possible. With the way things are going within my family right now, there's a lot of uncertainty and conflicting feelings. My sister is talking to me every day, so if I were to suddenly stop responding she'd get suspicious

 

[shame]

I'm more worried about how I'd go about ctb as discretely as possible. With the way things are going within my family right now, there's a lot of uncertainty and conflicting feelings. My sister is talking to me every day, so if I were to suddenly stop responding she'd get suspicioI

I can relate. Pretending, is this what you mean?

 

[Namelesa]

If I somehow get SN (which I think there is a slight chance in me getting it), i would do it with family being at home. I am thinking of going at night to the bathroom of top floor of our house to ctb there using it as no one sleeps there anymore so they will be less likely to hear me. I can also lock myself in the bathroom so its harder to stop me and give me more time to do it and I can use the tap for the water used to for the cups of SN solution. If I get caught on my way there an I am able to hide the sn and other things needed for it I can give an excuse of that I just wanted to take pictures of my plushies to sell them and that I usually stay up during the night anyways. I don't think they will hear me or care to see what is happening cus I have made loud crying before in my room when I was really upset and they didn't check on me so I think I could have the potential of this actually working. I don't care about if my family sees my body or making the worried about me going missing at first as I want them to suffer from death as much as possible.

 

[shame]

If I somehow get SN (which I think there is a slight chance in me getting it), i would do it with family being at home. I am thinking of going at night to the bathroom of top floor of our house to ctb there using it as no one sleeps there anymore so they will be less likely to hear me. I can also lock myself in the bathroom so its harder to stop me and give me more time to do it and I can use the tap for the water used to for the cups of SN solution. If I get caught on my way there an I am able to hide the sn and other things needed for it I can give an excuse of that I just wanted to take pictures of my plushies to sell them and that I usually stay up during the night anyways. I don't think they will hear me or care to see what is happening cus I have made loud crying before in my room when I was really upset and they didn't check on me so I think I could have the potential of this actually working. I don't care about if my family sees my body or making the worried about me going missing at first as I want them to suffer from death as much as possible.

I won't ask you why you want them to suffer, but you can mistaken for their feelings at the end of the day..

 

[Namelesa]

I won't ask you why you want them to suffer, but you can mistaken for their feelings at the end of the day..

They may "care" about me in a pro-life way but I don't see that as actually caring about the person. If they actually cared they would allow me to die so my suffering can end especially as they the ones that started it in the first place by creating me. They deserve to suffer for that.

 

[shame]

They may "care" about me in a pro-life way but I don't see that as actually caring about the person. If they actually cared they would allow me to die so my suffering can end especially as they the ones that started it in the first place by creating me. They deserve to suffer for that.

I can feel your suffering. Can I ask, what is the reason?

 

[Namelesa]

I can feel your suffering. Can I ask, what is the reason?

I feel like life is a boring repetitive boring slog and if I try to do anything to try to feel the void it often makes me feel more painful emotions or it ends up failing which make me even worse mentally

 

[futurecorpse]

I can relate. Pretending, is this what you mean?

Not so much pretending, but keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself as to not set off any alarms

 

[shame]

Not so much pretending, but keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself as to not set off any alarms

I know.
Are you sure in this decision?

 

[futurecorpse]

I know.
Are you sure in this decision?

Yes, very much so. What about you?

 

[shame]

Yes, very much so. What about you?

It was days of hesitation, but that's all behind. It's no light in the end of the tunnel for me. Tired. God, just want a relief that is so much needed and hope I deserve it.
Soon. Just need an opportunity. With parents at home it's really difficult.

It was days of hesitation, but that's all behind. It's no light in the end of the tunnel for me. Tired. God, just want a relief that is so much needed and hope I deserve it.
Soon. Just need an opportunity. With parents at home it's really difficult.

Yes, very much so. What about you?

Can I PM you?

I feel like life is a boring repetitive boring slog and if I try to do anything to try to feel the void it often makes me feel more painful emotions or it ends up failing which make me even worse mentally

Did you try sort of recovery? Or you don't want?

Everyone has different situation that lead to ctb, but you know it's serious decision. I know life is sucks, just believe me. But it is also unique.
My decision is because of serious health condition, which is burden for everyone.
Consider trying at least to talk to smn, even this can lead to positive change in your mind. Maybe "your soulmate" is somewhere nearby.

 

[daeneyss]

I plan to take it at night, but my mother sleeps in the next room because I'm overcontrolled and the only thing separating us is a wall that can hear everything, even the television. The wall is very thin and doing so is very risky. I don't know if I should try it. I'm desperate. I have no privacy nor can I leave the house.

 

[shame]

I plan to take it at night, but my mother sleeps in the next room because I'm overcontrolled and the only thing separating us is a wall that can hear everything, even the television. The wall is very thin and doing so is very risky. I don't know if I should try it. I'm desperate. I have no privacy nor can I leave the house.

Does she know about your suicidality..?

 

[daeneyss]

Does she know about your suicidality..?

Yes, before joining Sasu I tried to hang myself but I couldn't stand the pain, the mark lasted 1 week on my neck and my family was alerted. A few days ago I talked to my mom about jumping from the 4th floor (before DMC came). And I sent myself to a psychiatrist and I hid my suicidal ideas because the psychiatrist told me that if I have any plan she would send me to a psychiatric hospital and I was terrified, since I have never been to one. Now that I know when I can do it before it expires, I am very afraid in my situation. If I take the risk and get caught with the NS, I go straight to the psychiatrist. Help

 

[futurecorpse]

It was days of hesitation, but that's all behind. It's no light in the end of the tunnel for me. Tired. God, just want a relief that is so much needed and hope I deserve it.
Soon. Just need an opportunity. With parents at home it's really difficult.

I understand that; I feel the same way. Our circumstances are different but I get the concern of having to be discrete when family is watching every move you make. My family was like that when I was younger but it was for something else

Can I PM you?

I'll send you a pm. My privacy settings are set differently