Fadinglife
Student
- Apr 16, 2019
- 109
I feels like i keep going to far. Empty. I can't feel anything. I can sense a lot of pain underneath but i don't wanna think about it. I feel burst of emotions sometimes and so intensely that it brings lot of affection, then slowly within hours it consumes me and i start to think they won't be met, which weighs heavily on me and i also feel deeply disappointed in the world as if i am not cut out for it. It drains me completely and i go numb, a sense of detachment even from myself. I am afraid of what i am turning into, i don't think with this i would be able to survive long and i'd loose my mind eventually and if i start doing self harm be locked up for the rest of my life. I dread this, the loss of the limited freedom i have, atleast this is something i want to control. I don't wanna reach that horrible stage. I want to cease to exist before that. If only there was an imaginary world where i could erase my own memories from the loved ones, so they don't feel pain or loss of loosing someone and then erasing it from myself as well and only remembering the feeling of disappointment and not belonging to the world, i would. I wish magic existed and i could fade away right after loosing the memories of people i love and care about. The mere existence is so painful. i wish i was never born.
