catsarecool
Remember me for me, I need to set my spirit free
- Jul 2, 2020
- 95
The past week or two has been pretty intense in my friend group. I ended up majorly fucking up and hurting someone and the few days coming from that were hell. I felt awful and shitty and extremely suicidal and everything so when a few of my friends wanted to know how I felt I just kinda burst into a screaming and crying rant about how I want to die and how I probably won't be here for 2021 and how I'm just done with life.
I'm really grateful to have these people around me. They never tried to guilt trip me for how I feel but it hurts knowing that they will blame themselves when it happens. They want to be there for me and they want me to be there with them in the future. They don't want to lose me. One of them told that they've never been this attached to someone who wasn't a family member before. And hearing your friends cry when they're crying because of you sucks.
If this was a perfect world and I was a perfect person all of this would make me reconsider. I wish I could be a better friend. I wish I could just grin and bear it through. I wish somewhere things had gone differently. I told them that in no way is it their fault or responsibility. Having them around makes the pain a little bit less painful to bear. When I'm around them it makes me feel almost normal. I haven't had so much fun in ages as I've had with them.
But I've already made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I consider myself really lucky that I get to go like this, feeling loved and cared.
I'm really grateful to have these people around me. They never tried to guilt trip me for how I feel but it hurts knowing that they will blame themselves when it happens. They want to be there for me and they want me to be there with them in the future. They don't want to lose me. One of them told that they've never been this attached to someone who wasn't a family member before. And hearing your friends cry when they're crying because of you sucks.
If this was a perfect world and I was a perfect person all of this would make me reconsider. I wish I could be a better friend. I wish I could just grin and bear it through. I wish somewhere things had gone differently. I told them that in no way is it their fault or responsibility. Having them around makes the pain a little bit less painful to bear. When I'm around them it makes me feel almost normal. I haven't had so much fun in ages as I've had with them.
But I've already made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I consider myself really lucky that I get to go like this, feeling loved and cared.
