Venting sleep instead of death

[ctb★prince]

i just woke up, at some point in my dream i started being aware that its going to end soon, wanted to wrap things up quickly, get to the end of the plot, so that when i wake up ill be at least able to think of what i live through in there instead of worrying about here and now

i dont want to wake up, i dont want to die either, i need to stay strong so that i can grow and show everyone who wronged me, people want me dead, i cant let them have it, i need to outlive them, but at the same time i have no more strengnht to keep going, i want everything to stop, ideally, id love to have the superpower of inhuman speed or time control, everything is going too quickly, i have no time to think, im stuck in a loop, i hate how the world is, it would be perfect if i got sent to suddenly live in a different realm, maybe one where i would become important, id miss the friends i have here but maybe id make new ones there, thats why dreaming is so nice
i can do so many things, meet so many new people, reunite with those who are long out of the picture, usually without worrying about the real world

at some point its become a huge problem for me, because id rather be asleep than alive, oftentimes i cant wake up on my own, its especially bad during the school year, i sleep until late hours, then i go back to sleeping, if i could id just keep dreaming with no stop
sometimes sleeping drains me out even more though, like now, i cant even get up, cant dress up, clean myself, i can barely hold my phone, iwant to go back, i want to sleep again, but now im too aware of how oily my hair is, how my breath stinks, i can feel the dirt and sweat on my hands, my pajamas feel too heavy, i can hear too much, i feel too much, i smell to much, theres no way id be able to fall asleep again, i dont want to get out of bed either, im stuck, cant do anything, if i could only choose when and where i disappear

 

[BruceWayne]

me too. i don't want to die either. i know life is beautiful. im 28 and life was great last year. in november last year i suddenly contracted chickenpox which left me with scars and redness (loads of little broken vessels on my face) i tried getting a laser last month which had made it worse and added more redness as well as big patches on my face. the only enjoyment i get is sleeping. i think a coma would be great as you are basically sleeping and not dead and wake up reborn. i work in sales and i cant bear it the way people look at me i wear a hoodie in the sweltering heat so people dont look at me...sleeping is the only enjoy ment i have. death is on my mind every other moment

 

[ctb★prince]

me too. i don't want to die either. i know life is beautiful. im 28 and life was great last year. in november last year i suddenly contracted chickenpox which left me with scars and redness (loads of little broken vessels on my face) i tried getting a laser last month which had made it worse and added more redness as well as big patches on my face. the only enjoyment i get is sleeping. i think a coma would be great as you are basically sleeping and not dead and wake up reborn. i work in sales and i cant bear it the way people look at me i wear a hoodie in the sweltering heat so people dont look at me...sleeping is the only enjoy ment i have. death is on my mind every other moment

i never understood how people can find scars ugly or scary, i mean, like on another persons face, scars arent contagious and they tell a story, one thing i find fun about my autism is that i dont see the face the way most people see them, i see the details, i dont recognize most people by their face as a whole, but i can always recall where their pimples are, scars big and small, the amount and shade of their lashes, and it also goes for the rest of the body, i hate scarshamers so badly, you should be able to live in a world where you feel normal and accepted no matter what happens to your looks

also, i often find myself daydreaming of falling in a coma, but then id be too scared of waking up, being gone for too long with everyone always moving seems scary, fomo would kick my ass im afraid...