Situational Suicide

[Lookoutbelow]

My plans to CTB were initially situational. I am in the middle of a break up of 13 years. I am devastated. I would do anything for us to stay together. I am going to become homeless. I am currently living with my ex and our kids until after the holidays. All I could think of was if we got back together how great life would be. CTB is so scary. I have planned and visited my jump spot and played my jump in my head so many times now that I don't know if I can not do it no matter what. The thought of jumping to my death now feels more right than having a meaningful relationship. I am almost positive that even if we got back together now I would still jump. I am ready regardless of my situation. I have gone to far in my head to turn back now. It's like once you know something you can't unknow it. Well, I know I'm going to CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, I certainly find it so dreadful how it's not easier to finally be free from this existence, jumping sounds like such a terrifying method to me, I envy those who managed to succeed.

 

[wasted__life__23]

My plans to CTB were initially situational. I am in the middle of a break up of 13 years. I am devastated. I would do anything for us to stay together. I am going to become homeless. I am currently living with my ex and our kids until after the holidays. All I could think of was if we got back together how great life would be. CTB is so scary. I have planned and visited my jump spot and played my jump in my head so many times now that I don't know if I can not do it no matter what. The thought of jumping to my death now feels more right than having a meaningful relationship. I am almost positive that even if we got back together now I would still jump. I am ready regardless of my situation. I have gone to far in my head to turn back now. It's like once you know something you can't unknow it. Well, I know I'm going to CTB.

Yes - that draw of freedom, of ending the pain. I so identify. Just choosing the how and the when gives me some small sense of control.

 

[Morgengrauen]

Relating very much - the innitial reasons that was the final breaking point to choose to ctb turning out to be either not so bad or easy to resolve, yet i can't hit the breaks. Nothing feels right anymore, only thing worth to keep going is to ctb in a planned manner.

I'm really sorry for the things you had to endure and keep going through right now. Wheter it's by managing to fight back to life or take the leap to the bus, i wish you best luck and strenght on your way. And just know, you're not alone in this.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Relating very much - the innitial reasons that was the final breaking point to choose to ctb turning out to be either not so bad or easy to resolve, yet i can't hit the breaks. Nothing feels right anymore, only thing worth to keep going is to ctb in a planned manner.

I'm really sorry for the things you had to endure and keep going through right now. Wheter it's by managing to fight back to life or take the leap to the bus, i wish you best luck and strenght on your way. And just know, you're not alone in this.

I appreciate your words. The initial cause of CTB has subsided a bit, but you nailed it when you said "nothing feels right anymore." Now that I have crossed the line from just thinking about CTB to actually being committed to it makes me feel like I can't go back. The thought of "normal" living feels so foreign to me now. Thanks again.

 

[Ambivalent1]

My plans to CTB were initially situational. I am in the middle of a break up of 13 years. I am devastated. I would do anything for us to stay together. I am going to become homeless. I am currently living with my ex and our kids until after the holidays. All I could think of was if we got back together how great life would be. CTB is so scary. I have planned and visited my jump spot and played my jump in my head so many times now that I don't know if I can not do it no matter what. The thought of jumping to my death now feels more right than having a meaningful relationship. I am almost positive that even if we got back together now I would still jump. I am ready regardless of my situation. I have gone to far in my head to turn back now. It's like once you know something you can't unknow it. Well, I know I'm going to CTB.

Feels similar. How can one have a future if you've thought about death for so long?