Venting sick of feeling this way

[Abditory]

I finally thought that I did it, that I finally found some sort of happiness or peace, but I'm back at 0. I am so sick of feeling like such a burden on everyone's lives. I recently reconnected with an old friend, and he truly has made me feel better and welcomed into his friend group, but I can't help but feel like such a burden. I know that I have friends who tell me that they will be here for me and that I am not actually a burden, but why do I feel this way? It's like when things get bad again, I can notice that everyone's tired of it, thinking "here she goes again" but I'm just as tired. I wish I could change who I was. I don't mean to bring the mood down all the time. Every time I think things are getting good, they somehow manage to get worse, and it makes me think, what's the point in even trying anymore? Why even bother to have hope in getting better? I'm sick of everything, constant disappointment when yet another person leaves me. I can be my nicest and let them walk all over me just so they'll stay, let them use me just so I don't have to be alone, but it seems that I'm not good enough for people to stick around. I'm stuck being something temporary in someone's life until they find better, but having them leave a permanent impact on me





I am so tired, when does it get better? I just want to feel okay.

I don't want to continue doing this anymore.