Stick
Experienced
- Aug 31, 2020
- 269
I'm sick right now and I'm not getting better. I just want the doctor to give me some fucking medicine or something. I've only been eating like a meal or two a day for like two weeks now because I'm just too nauseous and I feel so fucking tired and my head hurts so fucking bad.
It's not like I'm sitting in bed just loathing in pain or something, I mean it could be worse but it's another new thing to deal with when I can't fully deal with everything else in my life already.
I can barely focus on my schoolwork because I can't maintain my train of thought for too long right now. And my family keeps making me hang out with them and spend time with them which normally would be nice but I don't have the energy right now! I mean I post on here and browse the web and stuff but that's kinda mindless. It doesn't take as much focus as holding a real conversation does or writing an essay does.
I'm so sick of being sick. This isn't the only thing that's been bothering me but it feels like the final straw. I've been so desperate for the energy to just do something or just feel something that for the past few days I've been in a really irritable mood. I always get super anxious when I'm sick because my productivity goes down.
The worst part is that I can't even use this as leverage to overcome my survival instinct. I don't think I have the mental energy right now to have a panic attack and call an ambulance or make too much noise and alert my family, but a lot of my symptoms are stomach related and if I can't keep food down how the hell am I supposed to keep SN down? I guess that's a good thing though, I need to stick around till October-ish anyways.
Hopefully I can at least get meto out of this. I do have promethazine but hopefully the eating thing is worrying to the doctor and they give me something stronger.
Sorry if this seems angsty
It's not like I'm sitting in bed just loathing in pain or something, I mean it could be worse but it's another new thing to deal with when I can't fully deal with everything else in my life already.
I can barely focus on my schoolwork because I can't maintain my train of thought for too long right now. And my family keeps making me hang out with them and spend time with them which normally would be nice but I don't have the energy right now! I mean I post on here and browse the web and stuff but that's kinda mindless. It doesn't take as much focus as holding a real conversation does or writing an essay does.
I'm so sick of being sick. This isn't the only thing that's been bothering me but it feels like the final straw. I've been so desperate for the energy to just do something or just feel something that for the past few days I've been in a really irritable mood. I always get super anxious when I'm sick because my productivity goes down.
Last night I "cut" myself for the first time in almost a year because i just want to feel better. I put cut in quotes because honestly I didn't even draw blood; my pain tolerance is so low. I'm just desperate right now, you know?
Hopefully I can at least get meto out of this. I do have promethazine but hopefully the eating thing is worrying to the doctor and they give me something stronger.
Sorry if this seems angsty