N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,001
"Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
When I was a teenager I thought a lot about that. I have experienced a lot of abuse, domestic violence and bullying even when I was very young. I think at the time when I was primary school student I have experienced more traumata than many other people in their whole life. Maybe that is kind of an overdramatic wording.
But all these things that I have experienced made something with me. I did not understand it when I was this young. There was this process of becoming mentally ill. I could not reflect on that when I was a teenager I barely knew anything about mental illness. There was a lot of pain inside myself, unbelievable pain and I did not know how to cope with it. I have told this story in another thread about gore. But when I watched a film scene where someone pulled of his skin I had the thought this is exactly what I am feeling like. At this time I could not express my pain to anyone.
Afer I saw that film scene I was interested in gore. I had suicidal thoughts to that time. I was 15 and my life was hell. So much violence and bullying that I had to endure. I don't know what my first real life gore video was. I followed the news a lot and the IS videos were very often in the media. Though I have never watched one uncensored in my life I think. On the other hand I watched other gore. I had this feeling I am suffering this much and there is so much suffering in the world. I cannot and should not look away from that. In the media there were often blurred images when they showed violence. I was quite interested in censorship (and still am) and I wanted to know what the journalists had to watch in order to explain it to the readers. I wanted to know what the world is really like.
This was me back then. Now I am feeling guilty for having watched other people's suicide or brutal deaths without any consent. I am way more critical about (real life) gore. I think parts of it are often quite immoral. If you are interested in my line of argumentation you can read my thread: "Is watching (real life) gore immoral?
I would recommend to anyone to be careful with watching gore. Especially teenagers should not watch gore. But I think some do that. Maybe especially teenagers are interested in that. I could imagine some of them compensatiing buylling experiences with it like me. The comments on those gore websites are despicable. There is proof that watching real life gore can cause PTSD. It is like playing Russian roulette with your mental health.
I would advice against watching gore if someone asked me. These dead people had parents and friends who have to endure the fact that other people laugh now about the death of their beloved ones. I think you should protect yourself from watching horrible things like that. It can increase your mental problems a lot. Watching something like that can't be reversed. Maybe it will haunt you till you die. Sometimes we cannot forget memories which we would love to forget. Maybe some of the images will haunt you in your dreams. This happened to me. But admittedly not very often. But as I said it is Russian roulette. I doubt the gore has traumatized me. But there are people who get traumatized by that. And I promise you having PTSD is no fun at all.
What do you think about that? Maybe this thread was too focussed on watching gore. You could also argument that reading this forum is like gazing into the abyss. It is probably true spending too much time in a suicide forum can make you more depressed. For me personally I had to learn a healthy way how to spend time in this forum. For example I usually don't read goodbye threads. They make me just too sad and depressed.
When I was a teenager I thought a lot about that. I have experienced a lot of abuse, domestic violence and bullying even when I was very young. I think at the time when I was primary school student I have experienced more traumata than many other people in their whole life. Maybe that is kind of an overdramatic wording.
But all these things that I have experienced made something with me. I did not understand it when I was this young. There was this process of becoming mentally ill. I could not reflect on that when I was a teenager I barely knew anything about mental illness. There was a lot of pain inside myself, unbelievable pain and I did not know how to cope with it. I have told this story in another thread about gore. But when I watched a film scene where someone pulled of his skin I had the thought this is exactly what I am feeling like. At this time I could not express my pain to anyone.
Afer I saw that film scene I was interested in gore. I had suicidal thoughts to that time. I was 15 and my life was hell. So much violence and bullying that I had to endure. I don't know what my first real life gore video was. I followed the news a lot and the IS videos were very often in the media. Though I have never watched one uncensored in my life I think. On the other hand I watched other gore. I had this feeling I am suffering this much and there is so much suffering in the world. I cannot and should not look away from that. In the media there were often blurred images when they showed violence. I was quite interested in censorship (and still am) and I wanted to know what the journalists had to watch in order to explain it to the readers. I wanted to know what the world is really like.
This was me back then. Now I am feeling guilty for having watched other people's suicide or brutal deaths without any consent. I am way more critical about (real life) gore. I think parts of it are often quite immoral. If you are interested in my line of argumentation you can read my thread: "Is watching (real life) gore immoral?
I would recommend to anyone to be careful with watching gore. Especially teenagers should not watch gore. But I think some do that. Maybe especially teenagers are interested in that. I could imagine some of them compensatiing buylling experiences with it like me. The comments on those gore websites are despicable. There is proof that watching real life gore can cause PTSD. It is like playing Russian roulette with your mental health.
I would advice against watching gore if someone asked me. These dead people had parents and friends who have to endure the fact that other people laugh now about the death of their beloved ones. I think you should protect yourself from watching horrible things like that. It can increase your mental problems a lot. Watching something like that can't be reversed. Maybe it will haunt you till you die. Sometimes we cannot forget memories which we would love to forget. Maybe some of the images will haunt you in your dreams. This happened to me. But admittedly not very often. But as I said it is Russian roulette. I doubt the gore has traumatized me. But there are people who get traumatized by that. And I promise you having PTSD is no fun at all.
What do you think about that? Maybe this thread was too focussed on watching gore. You could also argument that reading this forum is like gazing into the abyss. It is probably true spending too much time in a suicide forum can make you more depressed. For me personally I had to learn a healthy way how to spend time in this forum. For example I usually don't read goodbye threads. They make me just too sad and depressed.
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