Discussion Should people with depression/suicidal thoughts become parents?

[vulturecyclop]

Just a quick thought I had, would like to hear different opinions on this.

 

[Kjo]

Personal thoughts, feel free to ignore.

Depends... foster parent to rescue an already suffering child that most definitely could use the love and compassion? Or bring a new soul onto this rather dark and cruel planet, where you most likely will pass on genetic makeup that predisposes the child to severe depression? Will the child have to watch or hear of your attempts? Will the child have to yank the pills from your mouth? How strong can you be later for this child that you think you want now... Can you truly commit a life time to this child or at least your best shot?

 

[deathenvoy]

No. Parent depression will take toll on kid. Not to mention suicide.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

It would depend on the severity of the depression. There are folks with mild forms, and some with debilitating depression. My depression does not cause my desire to ctb, but some people's depression does cause suicidal ideation. Everyone is different in this regard.
However, I don't think people who are suicidal should have children, if they haven't already. Selfcare is hard enough, not to mention the general apathy a lot of people have. Many suicidal people have chronic medical conditions that make it extremely difficult to move and/or cause chronic pain or limited function. Imagine how the inability to care for your own child would make someone mentally fragile feel? It would just exacerbate that feeling of worthlessness, and feeling like a burden or failure.

 

[Slate128]

Depends on the person, I reckon, but it definitely won't be fun for parent nor child. On the bright side, my horrible personality and shit looks will mean I won't ever have to consider this lol

 

[Jean Améry]

No, absolutely not. For obvious reasons: if you have a hard time taking care of yourself (depression) let alone if you want to leave this world you have no business burdening others with existence. This is a recepy for disaster. Anyone with any sort of mental problem should not procreate.

Both my parents are what could be called 'mentally ill': my mother's a depressive alcoholic and my father a cold-blooded narcisist. The result: two out of their three children struggle with a form of mood disorder (depression in my case, bipolar in the case of my brother) including a death wish. We are living proof that the mentally unstable should not have children under any circumstance and be sterilized, forcefully if need be. No-one should have the right to harm others and being raised by parents who aren't capable counts as one of the greatest harms in my book.

It would depend on the severity of the depression. There are folks with mild forms, and some with debilitating depression.

I don't get the idea of 'mild' depression: either it has a major impact on your life and it's a real problem or it's not and then you have no 'depression'. It's just another trick employed by psychiatry in their never-ending quest of pathologizing unhappiness. Even if one accepts their completely unscientific scheme: where does one draw the line between being merely unhappy and having 'mild depression'? It's purely arbitrary.

 

[Shamana]

Depends on the severity and chronicity of their depression I suppose. A lot people with depression and anxiety are good people who do their best to do the right thing in their lives. I believe some of them would make good parents. But I think someone who is very disabled by their depression should probably forego having children.

 

[Camille Lejeune]

My mom have severe OCD. She was a single mother. I wish she never had me. I love her but my childhood was shit.

 

[Vegrau]

No.. no need to pass on that sorrow and madness onto next generation.

 

[262653]

Do by "should" you mean "have the moral right"?
It sounds to me that this question will get processed with regard to the well-being of kids. (Hypothetical, if they're homemade.) The problem is -- the decision is made by parent, not the kid.
I don't want have kids at least because I don't want to spend the next 12 years pampering that piece of garbage only to throw it on a street afterwards.
I do barely feed and clean myself, no need for an other child in my life.
Hmm... need to pass genes but don't want to do the duty... can I legally dump a kid into an orphanage right after one's birth? Well, not shortly after, but soon after.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

No, it's an absolutely horrible thing to do. Even if it's not diagnosed or you're not fully aware you're depressed, if you're mentally screwed up and unable to even aim for success then you shouldn't do it.

 

[Retched]

One of the problems with this, is you have to know your depressed and then hope you're not smacked with post-partum depression or get it later in life anyhow. If I knew how depression was going to put a stranglehold on my life, I would have made some different choices. Like with a subsequent pregnancy I had. Nope. Wasn't bringing more into the world when I was struggling to keep my head above water with one.

 

[Kjo]

Just to play devil's advocate, I've known several suicidal people that were "cured" upon becoming parents because they suddenly had a purpose in life. A reason to live. A practically endless fountain of love that they could love on and receive love from. No longer alone. No matter how shit you feel, if you see someone you love starving, you go make money... It's a hell of a lot harder to push through pain for yourself, but a lot easier for someone you love that literally relies on you.

That being said, I'm not sure it works like that for everyone...

 

[Lara Francis]

Just putting out a different perspective.

Depresson and suicidal behaviour can be brought on by any number of traumatic life experiences beyond our control, and having a child should allow you to feel the need to keep going but it sadly is not always the case and their is alot of guilt and stigma attatched to that line of thought.

If i was making the choice now as a very suicidal person then definatly not but when our son was born it was the best day and i had a perfect life that i never thought was going to fall apart.!

 

[DreamCatcher]

If you can give a child that is already here a better home, even if just for a few years I'd say go for it. Plenty of foster kids out there that could use an upgrade.

But I wouldn't have kids of my own under any conditions. It's just too cruel to bring more people into this world.

 

[not_a_robot]

No, but they do it anyway.
It gives them a helpless little person to project all their negativity onto.
It's the only reason most people become parents. That convenient little scapegoat for all of their bullshit.

 

[AnnonyBox]

Should ANYONE really become parents? Only the people who are qualified, can provide for, and can ensure quality of life, and mental/emotional stability, deserve to be parents imo.

 

[pole]

Just a quick thought I had, would like to hear different opinions on this.

Unless there comitted to fixing those problems somehow or on the road to bettering themselves, no :/.

Pretty sure depression runs in my moms side of the family.

Probably why she tells me she wants to drive me and her off a cliff or right into a car. or slice my throat and hers to end our suffering. and other times shes happy and up-beat. I genuinly just wish everyone was just happy. And there wasnt this side of depression and sadness to peoples lives ugh.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

What about those that already have children before they realise they are fucked up and have issues beyond their control? What happens then?

 

[RM5998]

Just to play devil's advocate, I've known several suicidal people that were "cured" upon becoming parents because they suddenly had a purpose in life. A reason to live. A practically endless fountain of love that they could love on and receive love from. No longer alone. No matter how shit you feel, if you see someone you love starving, you go make money... It's a hell of a lot harder to push through pain for yourself, but a lot easier for someone you love that literally relies on you.

That being said, I'm not sure it works like that for everyone...

The point of view you have stated illustrates what I believe is the problem with the idea of breeding - it's pretty much always a self-serving decision on the part of the breeders.

All this perspective does is perpetuate the idea of children as a tool. It's like owning a Ferrari - it's an extremely desirable object that you could be proud of displaying. And in the case of children, you can train them to love you to feed your desire for affection.

I'd rather not objectify people like that. My parents did it to me, and now, despite how much I hate my parents in the philosophical sense, I can't break away from them, because that would be the end of my chances to receive their love - which I have been built to need. And I'd rather not pass on something like that to others, knowingly or unknowingly.

 

[deathenvoy]

What about those that already have children before they realise they are fucked up and have issues beyond their control? What happens then?

Then children got fucked up like myself.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Then children got fucked up like myself.

wow. can i ask your situation. have my reasons for asking . happy to move toPM

 

[Puddings]

There is a reason why "depression" is the illness of our "times". Obviously there are many factors that play a part in this, but one of them is the fact that many people that are already effed up give birth to more people that they then fuck up. And so it snowballs into a never ending cycle. I grew up in a house where both my parents had depression and other mental illness, and because of my genetic make-up I was obviously more vulnerable to get it too. So due to the trauma of the effects they had on me, I am suffering too. That is why I consciously decided to end the cycle and never have a child. I wish I could adopt to help a child, but even then, they dont deserve to grow up in a negative environment. No one is perfect and no child will grow up in a perfect home. There is no good parents, but hopefully they are good enough. I think it is the most selfish thing when you know deep inside of you that you wont be good enough, especially if you want a child to "fix" you.

 

[Final Escape]

Not if it's not being treated and you don't have enough resources and support. If you are a single parent near poverty it will likely damage your kid or kids.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

If you don't have your life in order you should not have children, period. If you're suicidal you definitely have other things to fix first.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm a little bit of an anti-natalist and therefore I think children should only be born into the best possible circumstances. Possibly into a functional family that has enough emotional and financial ressources to take care of that child. Nonetheless, I would actually like to have children but I know I would probably be a very bad mother, despite all my efforts to raise my child well. Luckily, I'm unable to get pregnant so that's probably better for everyone.

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

im sure a baby will solve all the problems of a depressed man/woman

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

no.
That said, I also don't think a lot of non-depressed people should breed either

 

[Brainpain]

Unless you can hand your kids the best life possible, preferably on a silver platter, they will likely suffer. I'm a bit antinatalist and think breeding is the most selfish thing one can do.

 

[Kjo]

The point of view you have stated illustrates what I believe is the problem with the idea of breeding - it's pretty much always a self-serving decision on the part of the breeders.

All this perspective does is perpetuate the idea of children as a tool. It's like owning a Ferrari - it's an extremely desirable object that you could be proud of displaying. And in the case of children, you can train them to love you to feed your desire for affection.

I'd rather not objectify people like that. My parents did it to me, and now, despite how much I hate my parents in the philosophical sense, I can't break away from them, because that would be the end of my chances to receive their love - which I have been built to need. And I'd rather not pass on something like that to others, knowingly or unknowingly.

So much yes.
I highly recommend the book the drama of the gifted child. It really does in depth about what you've mentioned and the psychological points of it.