Help Should I write my ex a note?

[mythofsisyphus]

I'm really unsure what to do. My ex caused me a lot of pain - gaslit me, emotionally abused me, basically cheated on me.

He's not the reason I'm suicidal, at least not the main reason.

There's so much I never got to say to him - I blocked him and cut him off after finding out the truth and I found peace in this - I felt strong and I was gonna focus on myself etc. etc.

But now my life has collapsed, I feel like I need to say some things to him, to explain the pain he caused, but to also thank him for giving me an illusion of my dreams (a home, a dog, a life companion). To give myself the closure I would have found naturally over time. I'd be clear that the note isn't about blaming him for my decision.

The thing is I'm pretty sure he's a narcissist. Deep down, I know the note will likely be used a further 'proof' of my instability in his eyes - more evidence he was the victim that was wronged. As much as it hurts, I know it's very unlikely anything I say will make him reflect on his actions and the pain he caused me. It will likely only further boost his ego - "oh he's still thinking of me".

But there's a part of me that so deeply want to say these things to him, it feels like I can't leave with peace without doing so... what should I do?

 

[foreverfalling]

Write the note, put all your feelings and what you want to say in there. But don't give it to him. Do this for yourself. You know he is a narcissist so it does you no benefit to tell him these things. With time you will find your peace.

 

[mythofsisyphus]

Write the note, put all your feelings and what you want to say in there. But don't give it to him. Do this for yourself. You know he is a narcissist so it does you no benefit to tell him these things. With time you will find your peace.

Thanks for your reply.

Sorry I realised I wasn't clear in my initial post - I mean a CTB note. I agree, if I was continuing with life I wouldn't send anything. But it's hard, facing death when I haven't healed and found peace, so just want him to know these things. I guess it's a weird way of me holding onto what we had… if he reads the note after I've gone, it's some sort of 'connection' to love that I can hold onto in my last moments.

 

[Erring]

I'd say write the note, but as the previous commenter said, write it only for yourself. Express those feelings, it will help you let them go. I'm in a similar-ish situation to yourself, and I wrote many, many words, being confused, scared and hurt. Sending them to that "Significant Other" won't ever help you, for a plethora of reasons. Either he wont care; or he will, and he'll be hurt. Your words might be true, might be not, but will only send you down (or both) the drain). It's just not worth it.

 

[Terios]

If it will make you feel at peace then do it. If I ever ctb I have planned to send mine a scheduled message after my death as a final goodbye, doesn't matter whether she cares or not or even calls me an idiot for doing that, at that point I won't be here to care either way.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Nah there's not much point of leaving people a note about how much pain they caused you. If they were the type to cause that kind of pain, they'll probably find a way to use the note and its contents to make you look bad and you're kind of just giving them the ammo. Life deals you some shitty hands and some shitty people, it is what it is.