Help Should I warn my new girlfriend about my suicidality? Would that be too much?

[Soapie]

Me and her have gotten pretty deep about stuff but I haven't dared discussed suicide with her. She doesn't know how much of a danger I am to myself and I feel like maybe that's unfair. I'd wait till longer but I don't want to drop this big thing on her after she's already committed so much time to me. My suicidal tendencies are part of what drove my last partner away and I don't want to make that same mistake again, so I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever. That doesn't seem fair either though. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm too unstable to deserve love

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

If she's a normie who wants to do lifescript around children etc she will leave you

If she's a freak or bad girl she may even like it

 

[stoiccactus]

I have a similar problem and have told her some, and she has been receptive and loving … but I feel so unlovable that if I was too honest she would leave/be disgusted

 

[WanderingWater]

Self*sabotage...

 

[whywere]

Everyone deserves to be loved and love and you absolutely deserve love. Reading your post, I came away with an aspect of how caring and loving of a person you are. You think of others and that in itself is so freshen.

As far as telling someone about mental health, and this is just my thoughts on it, if it was me, I would talk to the person about it, BUT, I would do it in an objective way. Because this way helps by taking some if not a lot of the emotion out of the situation and helps make for a neutral position from which to talk about it from. This helps to play into the aspect of fairness for both parties.

You are a very caring, kind and thoughtful soul and with some thought and planning finding common ground and having a life with a beautiful partner will be worth the effort to get there.

Sending you lots of caring, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend and I wish you all the best.

Walter

 

[outrider567]

Me and her have gotten pretty deep about stuff but I haven't dared discussed suicide with her. She doesn't know how much of a danger I am to myself and I feel like maybe that's unfair. I'd wait till longer but I don't want to drop this big thing on her after she's already committed so much time to me. My suicidal tendencies are part of what drove my last partner away and I don't want to make that same mistake again, so I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever. That doesn't seem fair either though. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm too unstable to deserve love

Don't tell anybody

 

[befree]

I would NOT tell anybody !!!

 

[BigG91]

Me and her have gotten pretty deep about stuff but I haven't dared discussed suicide with her. She doesn't know how much of a danger I am to myself and I feel like maybe that's unfair. I'd wait till longer but I don't want to drop this big thing on her after she's already committed so much time to me. My suicidal tendencies are part of what drove my last partner away and I don't want to make that same mistake again, so I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever. That doesn't seem fair either though. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm too unstable to deserve love

I would rather focus on actually dying and getting the method excuted correctly than telling about my plans and suicidal tendancies.

 

[sharky]

I don't think that's a good idea. It's a heavy burden to know that kinda stuff. It can destroy relationships and friendships. 1 in a million people would probably be fine with it but most other people will run away from you as fast as they can.

 

[Al Cappella]

No, because it's new. Beginning relationships can't often handle that sort of weight. Give it some time. And figure out why you want to tell her, if you don't already know.

 

[Klo]

Me and her have gotten pretty deep about stuff but I haven't dared discussed suicide with her. She doesn't know how much of a danger I am to myself and I feel like maybe that's unfair. I'd wait till longer but I don't want to drop this big thing on her after she's already committed so much time to me. My suicidal tendencies are part of what drove my last partner away and I don't want to make that same mistake again, so I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever. That doesn't seem fair either though. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm too unstable to deserve love

You deserve love but it is kind of unethical to keep your true self from a significant other especially if you might ctb. It is also unethical and borderline abusive to disclose and hold that over the person or use it to manipulate them. If you can be truthful and they are accepting then maybe you move forward but if being honest will truly bother or disturb your partner and you want to be ethical in this situation then you should leave them alone for their own well being.

 

[Niko66]

I agree with the other person saying to wait a bit. I would personally always want that person to know at least some extent of my suicidal ideation but then again I am a loner, I think building up to it is a good compromise. You don't *have* to tell her right away.

 

[JamieJambo]

Dont tell her its actually quite a mean thing to do to someone. They feel utterly helpless

 

[Soapie]

Everyone deserves to be loved and love and you absolutely deserve love. Reading your post, I came away with an aspect of how caring and loving of a person you are. You think of others and that in itself is so freshen.

As far as telling someone about mental health, and this is just my thoughts on it, if it was me, I would talk to the person about it, BUT, I would do it in an objective way. Because this way helps by taking some if not a lot of the emotion out of the situation and helps make for a neutral position from which to talk about it from. This helps to play into the aspect of fairness for both parties.

You are a very caring, kind and thoughtful soul and with some thought and planning finding common ground and having a life with a beautiful partner will be worth the effort to get there.

Sending you lots of caring, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend and I wish you all the best.

Walter

This was really helpful, thank u so much for taking the time to help out

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever.

Do this. Then when you're old and on your deathbed, tell her you were suicidal when you first met, but you put it off your whole life to stay with her.

 

[Kismet]

I wouldn't just because it's a heavy burden for another person to carry

 

[Judy Garland]

No.

 

[Ashu]

Me and her have gotten pretty deep about stuff but I haven't dared discussed suicide with her. She doesn't know how much of a danger I am to myself and I feel like maybe that's unfair. I'd wait till longer but I don't want to drop this big thing on her after she's already committed so much time to me. My suicidal tendencies are part of what drove my last partner away and I don't want to make that same mistake again, so I'm considering just keeping it a secret forever. That doesn't seem fair either though. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm too unstable to deserve love

You deserve love. You can keep it to yourself, if you don't feel she'd get it. That could be the compassionate thing for both of you. And if and when you know it's time to kill yourself, you can withdraw so that it doesn't hit her so hard.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

if she's already committed so much to you, don't you think she would like to commit even more? I think if she loves you, it would be important for her to participate in your desire to live. I guess that possible suicide is a pretty important thing in a relationship, hah, sorry for me. I think sincerity and trust are important if you count on something more or long-term

 

[Graytaichi]

Do u determined to ctb. If you are tell no one. SI will make her report on you, thats a natural reaction. I knew it from a person experience.

 

[virgilwalks]

Would you consider loving and living your life with her ?

 

[waitingforrest]

You don't have to right away, small steps first. I told my past relationships that I was suicidal right up front because I was told that being honest and vulnerable was good, didn't go so well for me. When starting a new relationship, try not to rush it.

 

[sueoffside]

being suicidal and open about it killed my last relationship I had to leave him because the whole thing was just too depressing :/