should i turn the 100 dollars i have left on my card into cash so i can give it to my sister?

[monetpompo]

i've always planned on leaving my money to my sister. i have some leftover money in cash and my last 100 dollars is in my card. i feel bad that i don't have much to give her, but that's because i've never had a job to help save money with. i figure it would be easier to turn it all into cash so that i could just leave it to her physically. i know my parents don't have much money either. maybe i could just give it to them to help pay for my funeral, but i think they would waste it.

additionally, would it be too selfish to ctb inside my closet where my parents would have to report my body, or should i just walk far from my house and try to find a forest? every time i try to walk farther from home, i end up getting exhausted because i barely leave the house. i don't have a car, so i don't have a way to go very far unless i have an uber. if i uber, i'd probably spend leave some money in my card to buy it. i'll probably have to uber lol. i just don't want to be a burden on my family or my sister anymore. i gave a lot of gifts to my friend for his birthday when he came to visit me in person and he said not to go through with my suicide, but i think it hurts too much. i don't want to be here if i contribute nothing to the world and have some unspoken thing wrong with me that only others can see. i love my friend very much but i'm not going to stay alive just for him. he'll know how much i loved him even when i'm gone.

 

[bankai]

That's nice of you to want to leave your sister money. I'm sure it'll help her.

I mean, if you absolutely must. I would say do it away from your house so your parents don't have to discover you.

That being said, I'll miss your posts. If life is too difficult for you. You don't need to be around for anyone else, but know that you will be missed.

 

[evanescent_eva]

I think that what you do with your money, just like what you do with your body, should be up to you. If you've always wanted to leave the last of your money to your sister, then I think you should absolutely do that. It's a kind thing to do. Maybe don't do it until you're 100% certain that you're going to go, though? And if you just hand it to her, there's always the risk that she might try to stop you - maybe hide the money, and then send a note out after you've CTB letting them know where it is? But that too, of course, is up to you.

As for whether to hang in your closet or in a forest... again that's a personal decision, but if it were me, I'd probably go to the forest. My intuition (and my sense from having read a lot of people's opinions on sasu) is that, while grieving a suicide is basically always traumatizing no matter what, it could be extra traumatizing for your loved ones to walk in and be caught by surprise by your lifeless body. Having seen pictures of corpses post-hanging, some are okay-looking while some are....not. If you want, I can send you some pictures, if that would help you decide (but truly no pressure there, because I sure wouldn't want to see them (and plus maybe you already have)).

You've been dealing with so much pain, monet, and I hope you eventually find some relief from it, somehow.

 

[monetpompo]

there's always the risk that she might try to stop you - maybe hide the money, and then send a note out after you've CTB letting them know where it is?

yeah, good idea in hindsight. i'm going to leave my cash in a tin and put it in a cabinet. i'll leave it in my sister's room on the that i plan on ctbing. i won't write suicide notes to anyone but my best friend. i don't want to tell the people around me or to have them worry about me. there's no way for me to schedule messages on discord, which is what all my school friends use. i mostly just don't want to contact people when i've mostly fallen out of touch with them already. for two months, and in june three months, suicide will have hung over my head. the thought makes me tired now.

My intuition (and my sense from having read a lot of people's opinions on sasu) is that, while grieving a suicide is basically always traumatizing no matter what, it could be extra traumatizing for your loved ones to walk in and be caught by surprise by your lifeless body.

thaaaat's about right. i'm so fried. at least the hardest part is finding a proper place and then i just have to walk back to it later. i don't know the woods in my area that well, so i have to rely on myself and google maps. i know having my phone on me while i ctb is bad. maybe i'll factory reset it the day before, along with all my other things. thanks again eva.

 

[Rynalia]

For the money portion, I would suggest some indirect method to pass it on if you plan on doing so.

I'm gonna have to agree with the sentiment of doing this after you're absolutely sure that you're gonna go, otherwise you might be digging yourself into a complicated situation if there is a change of plans at the 11th hour.

Sudden actions involving giving things away, such as money, belongs or gifts might arouse suspicion. To people who aren't completely dense, it is kind of a red flag. Especially if there is no occasion, or if such a gesture isn't typically expected from someone.

Slipping it quietly in advance or doing the whole note-leading-to-money post-mortem thing works, whatever you feel would be best.

Closet vs Forest is indeed a personal decision. I personally think both have their pros and cons.

Both would probably have a different sequence of events leading to post-ctb discovery. But of course, this is all simply conjecture.

It will be traumatizing to the involved, but that's just how it is. After all, we can't control how other people react. The best we can do is make decisions to (try to) help reduce the impact.

~~

All that aside...

I'm also gonna miss seeing ya around. Wherever you end up and whatever you decide, I truly wish you all the best.

(*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, if that's what you want to do then do it. I planned on giving my mom a couple thousand because I want to help make her life a little easier and because I wouldn't have the money if it wasn't for her. Plus I won't need it any more so it's better to give it to someone who needs it rather than let the government take it.

Even though it's not much, I'm sure your sister would appreciate the gesture. She'll know you cared enough about her to try to give her something to help make her life a little easier.