So basically, my life has completely fallen apart in the last two months because of this I'm very suicidal. I have no job and I'm about to loose all my money because I have to put all my savings into an urgent root canal this week. I've also been immensely sick with pneumonia for over a month as well as infection in said tooth.
I've already seen a few psychologists in the past year which hasn't helped at all but I do have a psychiatrist but in the one appointment I had so far they have only addressed my ADHD and will prescribe medication for it next week but they don't seem like they'd be the best at helping my other mental health issues tho. They barely even asked me about depression even though I mentioned it a lot and didn't ask about suicide in any way either.
I also have a caring family but I just don't have the ability to talk to them at all no matter how much I want to I can't bring myself to do it (I should also mention that a significantly large part of my mental struggles come from a sexual nature which is what makes it the hardest and stops me from doing it too and doesn't look like something I can change)
I have my SN Protocol: Meto, lots of painkillers and some weed sans Benzos tho (gonna have to buy black market I think)… But I don't really want to do it, I also had a very bad freak out on drugs a little while ago which somewhat scared me a bit more from committing as well so I feel slightly less likely but still can't stop the thoughts, can't get happy, can't sleep, can't move on, can't seem to change my depression and anxiety which is only getting worse again.
I also can't stop the typical feelings of guilt around it all especially with what I'll put my family through and am terrified of a hospital visit making it worse or affecting my future somehow if I do make it though too. One thing I'm most scared of is that I know if I go to hospital I have to tell them and my family I have SN and explain it to them as well and it will be taken away.
I feel that with the copious amount of professionals I've already seen I'm still not being heard and the only way I can be heard without being brushed off is going to hospital with "active plans". I also really don't have the financial means to keep going with random professionals until I find the right one, it's not an option anymore. Although they won't be great drs at least in hospital they can't ignore me and my country has free healthcare.
But my main thing is my ADHD I have a week until I can be medicated and feel like just maybe finally getting that will save me and can't stop thinking if I just hold out for the week and get the meds I'll be ok and can maybe move on but if I go to hospital if I'm stuck in there I can't see my psychiatrist and the doctors in the hospital may delay my access to ADHD medication as well and that scares me most.
Hospital is the last resort but I just want to be truly heard and it's apparent nothing else I've tried has offered me that. But so many factors are scaring me away from doing it too.
I've already seen a few psychologists in the past year which hasn't helped at all but I do have a psychiatrist but in the one appointment I had so far they have only addressed my ADHD and will prescribe medication for it next week but they don't seem like they'd be the best at helping my other mental health issues tho. They barely even asked me about depression even though I mentioned it a lot and didn't ask about suicide in any way either.
I also have a caring family but I just don't have the ability to talk to them at all no matter how much I want to I can't bring myself to do it (I should also mention that a significantly large part of my mental struggles come from a sexual nature which is what makes it the hardest and stops me from doing it too and doesn't look like something I can change)
I have my SN Protocol: Meto, lots of painkillers and some weed sans Benzos tho (gonna have to buy black market I think)… But I don't really want to do it, I also had a very bad freak out on drugs a little while ago which somewhat scared me a bit more from committing as well so I feel slightly less likely but still can't stop the thoughts, can't get happy, can't sleep, can't move on, can't seem to change my depression and anxiety which is only getting worse again.
I also can't stop the typical feelings of guilt around it all especially with what I'll put my family through and am terrified of a hospital visit making it worse or affecting my future somehow if I do make it though too. One thing I'm most scared of is that I know if I go to hospital I have to tell them and my family I have SN and explain it to them as well and it will be taken away.
I feel that with the copious amount of professionals I've already seen I'm still not being heard and the only way I can be heard without being brushed off is going to hospital with "active plans". I also really don't have the financial means to keep going with random professionals until I find the right one, it's not an option anymore. Although they won't be great drs at least in hospital they can't ignore me and my country has free healthcare.
But my main thing is my ADHD I have a week until I can be medicated and feel like just maybe finally getting that will save me and can't stop thinking if I just hold out for the week and get the meds I'll be ok and can maybe move on but if I go to hospital if I'm stuck in there I can't see my psychiatrist and the doctors in the hospital may delay my access to ADHD medication as well and that scares me most.
Hospital is the last resort but I just want to be truly heard and it's apparent nothing else I've tried has offered me that. But so many factors are scaring me away from doing it too.
