Help Should I just give up?

[sohopelessandempty]

I know nobody can tell me what to do and I will make my own choices, I'm not gonna do something just because someone said so. Just looking for advice. Life is so hopeless and I know this, and I've felt this way since I was a kid and that's never changed, it only gets worse. The reason I didn't kill myself years ago is because I told myself things would get better, because that's the bullshit everyone says. But life is unfair and for many people it doesn't get better, it's just something people say because they don't know what else to say. And I know things likely won't get better, at least not for a very long time. So instead of this endless fight to stay alive that exhausts and pains me, should I just accept it and give up? Trying to live brings me nothing but pain, I think I know deep down suicide is the right answer for me but I can't accept it for several reasons and survival instinct. But I'm tired of being in pain. What's the point in trying if it always turns out bad anyway? I can't kill myself anytime soon, I missed my chance during February break(I'm 18, senior year of highschool) and I still have prom this summer and all, I'm not gonna kill myself before graduation, otherwise all my work was for nothing. But I'm asking if I should give up, and what would be a good time. I can't do this for the rest of my life. I've always wanted to die, it's my true desire. Maybe me asking if I should give up is a sign already, like one of those questions where you know the answer but you ask other people anyway, hoping they tell you something that isn't the unfortunate truth that everyone knows deep down. But I want true honesty. I need to know if I should start planning my suicide, rewriting all my notes is gonna be such a pain in the ass and I have to write them because I can't leave without closure, it's not who I am. I got rid of them during one of my stupid moments of false optimism.

 

[ipmanwc0]

I'm still trying to get better, can't really imagine it but maybe my future self will be grateful I went through it. I'll just wait to be sure abt death before I go through with it if I do. R u looking to go to uni? May be possible to get a dorm if you have a scholarship

 

[wishingiwasok]

I felt the same way about life and really hoped it would get better after I turned 18 and moved out and was able to control my own life. My life didn't get better because I repeated some of the same patterns as my childhood (not the obvious ones, but I wish I had known sooner about some of the more subtle ones). So I'll give you the advice I wish someone had given me: figured out not just what you want out of life but also why you want it. If there is any damage in the why, work like hell to fix it. And if you get to your late 20's when the brain is finished developing and you've gone after what you want without secret or not so secret poisonous motivations and you still want to cut, then you know it really is the right answer. I hope though that you find things change a lot for the better and this pain will end up becoming a distant memory.

 

[pelicanportal]

But I want true honesty.

You are 18. You are in a lot of pain and need help. It is way to soon to call things over. Try to get help first. Give it a few years even if it seems excruciating right now. Your brain allegedly needs about seven more years to even be finished developing. You don't have to do this for the rest of your life, but what have you tried so far? We don't know if your depression is circumstantial or treatment-resistant. Please hang in and try other options to treatment first