Help Should I drop out of school?

[paska_paska]

The title pretty much says it all, but here's some backstory: I'm currently doing my third year of upper secondary school and am receiving some benefits (on behalf of my mental health issues), for which I will need to attend school to continue receiving.

I literally cannot make myself go there anymore and I don't even know why. Everything about going to school and not going to school makes me feel incredibly bad and it is worsening my mental state to the point of actually wanting to end my life. I've already gone two whole periods without any passing grades and I honestly don't think I'll be able to pass this ongoing period either. This is stressing me out so bad that my hair has started to fall out.

The only reason I haven't already dropped out is that my parents would be extremely disappointed in me and could possibly kick me out since I'm already 18, and I would lose the benefits (and I have no other source of income).

I think I'm going through a burnout in some degree, but I can't get over it no matter what I try. I fear that my mental health will just continue to worsen until I literally kill myself.

So, the pros of dropping out would be that I would finally get time to actually work on my mental health. I would also finally get rid of the immense stress I'm constantly under.
The cons would be, as I said, my parents' reactions and the possible consequences (being kicked out, etc.). I would also stop receiving the benefits.

The question here is basically about if I should drop out to not feel so incredibly suicidal and depressed all the time, or just allow this situation to make me end my life. Tbh I'm probably going to ctb at some point anyways, so I would like to actually enjoy my life before I inevitably do it.

All things considered, would it be best for me to drop out? Or should I basically just wait to get expelled (since I feel this is the direction it's going towards anyways)?

 

[peachchildtenshi]

If you're going to have fun with your life, potentially, after dropping out, didnt you say you would lose your income, and get kicked out?,
Where would the money come from? is my concern
if you think you would still enjoy your studies, you could defer your studies which means delaying your studies until you're prepared, rather than dropping out and potentially cut ties with your family

 

[paska_paska]

If you're going to have fun with your life, potentially, after dropping out, didnt you say you would lose your income, and get kicked out?,
Where would the money come from? is my concern
if you think you would still enjoy your studies, you could defer your studies which means delaying your studies until you're prepared, rather than dropping out and potentially cut ties with your family

Realistically speaking, in my country (Finland) you will end up getting some form of benefits from the government in almost any situation (living at home I can only receive the benefit I already do), so that's one way to get money.
There is no way I could enjoy school anymore, and if I drop out, I still probably could continue it later if I want to.
I don't know if I would be allowed to delay my studies at this point since I've basically done it on my own accord already, and it would probably be for only a few months at most. I would also lose the benefits in that situation.

A plan I've thought out for the possibility of getting kicked out and losing my income: I would move in with my partner and apply for benefits (there's one for if you have literally no money at all to cover your basic living with no excess, one to cover rent, etc).

 

[CasTheFriendlyGhost]

the way i see it, there are 3 questions that need to be considered to reach a conclusion:

1. which kind of profession do you want to take on once you leave school and do you need to finish upper secondary school for it?
2. if you were to decide you want to keep attending school, would there be a conceivable way you could make that work?
3. is your academic situation even salvageable at this point?

in general I'd say that higher education isn't an end in itself, if you don't need it to realize a goal it's not worth the stress this is putting on you.

 

[paska_paska]

the way i see it, there are 3 questions that need to be considered to reach a conclusion:

1. which kind of profession do you want to take on once you leave school and do you need to finish upper secondary school for it?
2. if you were to decide you want to keep attending school, would there be a conceivable way you could make that work?
3. is your academic situation even salvageable at this point?

in general I'd say that higher education isn't an end in itself, if you don't need it to realize a goal it's not worth the stress this is putting on you.

1. I have absolutely no future plans, so I can't answer
2. Literally no. If I keep going on like this, it wouldn't go anywhere, plus it most likely would make me end myself. I would probably just get expelled as I said.
3. It's really not. I'm on the verge of expulsion as is, if I'm absent even one more day I'll fail all my classes.

 

[CasTheFriendlyGhost]

i'd like to share a mistake I've made a number of times in my life.

when a problem arises, or even just a task that has to be done, I tend to push it back if it doesn't require immediate action, even if it isn't all that worrying at first. Eventually i've ignored the problem/task long enough that it is now going to put me in an uncomfortable situation. So I keep doing nothing. And as is the nature of problems, they tend to grow further and foster and I develop a fear of the consequences this is now going to mean for me. This leads to me further ignore the now very big problem until it consumes my thinking, making me extremely anxious, but at this point i'm physically unable to attack it because it scares me this much. i know how dumb this pattern is but i can't help it.

i think a similar thing might have happened with you and your school grades.

so here's something you could do:

1. talk to someone in your school (a teacher or the principal) openly present them your problem and ask to explore a way to fix it (in my country we have so called "trust teachers" who can be approached in such a situation. i don't know if you have something like that ofc). if it goes well you agree on a plan to fix your grades. this might reduce your anxiety by a lot and set you up to actually finish school. if they tell you it's too late, you'll have closure at least and can close the chapter.

2. now if this doesn't work or you don't want to or can't bring yourself to do it, you need to find an idea for what to do in future. i ofc can't really advise you with that. but what i would do in that case is I'd do an apprenticeship and learn a craft. i honestly regret that i haven't done that after finishing school. i wish i had learned a profession where i can create something with my own hands. a job where i would have learned skills that i also could have used in my private life. anything. gardening, carpentry, mechanic, yada yada. i'd always choose such a profession over a job in an office, in retail or at an amazon warehouse.

whatever you do, the current state of affairs is obviously very bad for you. i hope things turn out well for you