Help Should I ctb? Is it worth it in my situation?

[KrezeG]

Let me give you back story

I'm 18 now and I have a really shit life, it's not as bad as others but it's pretty unfortunate and my luck is horrible.


My family is poor and can't afford anything really, my mom abuses me and as a result I've been bounced around my family a bunch of times and now back with mom. She still treats me like shit and seems to not like me.

When I was 8 I went to a mental hospital. This was the first time I saw my dad. He's never been in my life.

When I was 12 I went to a mental hospital again for screaming and yelling.

A week later I was put back in after I got out because it seemed like my parents wanted to get rid of me.

When I was 13 my grandma was abusing me and I kicked her and they put me in juvy for one month. No visits, phone calls from anyone.

After I got out I was put in a mental hospital again.

And again.

I turned 14 and moved to away to live with my grandpa in another state. I was beinf bullied at school and I threatened to shoot up the school bc I was so done.

I was arrested again and was in for 6 months.


When I turned 17 I moved back to my mom. And she was worse than before and I ran away, for 4 months to live with my girlfriend. It was nice a peaceful and I wanted my life to get back on track.

While I was gone the day I left my mom called the police and told them I hit her which I didn't and had my little brother lie to them so a warrant was put out for me and now fast forward again. I come back home because my gf parents had enough.

After I'm back which is recently I went back to school and I was immediately picked up and locked up only this time with a felony.


I got out and now I'm on a ankle monitor and I finally started to get my life on track.

The moment I got to school I was pulled out of class and they said they are sending me to a alternate school and I'm 18 I threaten to leave and they said that I can't by law because I'll be at the alternate school.


Now we are here my mom is still shitting I can go any where till feb 27 is when this monitor comes off.

My girlfriend cares for me deeply and when I was at her house I was attempting to take pills as a last resort but she walked in on me. The fear in her eyes I will never get out of my head.


If you were in my situation would you ctb?

I can't get jobs or start a good life not to mention my school life sucks because I've moved so much I'm still considered a freshman even tho I should be a senior.


Would you ctb in my situation. And if so what you say to your girlfriend or mom

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

That really sounds like a terrible upbringing to go through. There is a wide spectrum of things that can make someone want to ctb, only you can determine that given the circumstances. Some people live on the edge of ctb for many years, while others end is sooner. I hope you can find peace no matter the decision.

Personally, even with depression, at 18 I wouldn't ctb but It wasnt in my mind at the time. The suicidal ideation came about a few years later as life overall got worse. Im 28 now and have had several times I could've ended it. Even last year I had 3 planned dates. Things get good at times but for me it never lasts long. Ive been plagued for years and have finally decided Im in the end times. I hope you can find peace no matter the decision.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Maybe look into getting a GED or an equivalent. There's still a chance you can escape from your mother's abuse and live more on your own terms even if that takes some time.

 

[KrezeG]

Maybe look into getting a GED or an equivalent. There's still a chance you can escape from your mother's abuse and live more on your own terms even if that takes some time.

I'm just at a stand still I can't seem to figure out what to do. I'll can't get my ged till after the alt school

 

[GasMonkey]

Maybe you could become a welder.

 

[Havic228]

Do not CTB trust me it won't solve your problems also reading this I couldn't help but think of me.

Ever since I was little my Father never want anything to do with me and my mother was poor and we lived on the streets and I had to live with my abusive grandmother from 5-8years old until my mother could legally have us again because she had no home.

I was bullied in 1-6th grade for having ADHD and even the staff made fun of me.

My mother finally got us into a good neighborhood but all the work she went through to give us a good life made we're emotionally detached from me and you tell and curse and hit me with me not having anywhere to go as she would kick down my door.

I tried drowning my self when I was 8.
I tried hanging my self at 12.
I tried slicing my throat when I was 15.
I drank like half a pint of bleach and drain cleaner also at 15 the same year.
I ran away from home at 13.
I ran away again at 14.
I went to a psyc ward at 12
And again at 15.

But I realized something I'm not a religious person but when I went to that psyc ward after my poisoning attempt and it not killing me I realized that there must be some reason I'm still alive and maybe someone or something had plans for me, cause I drank more than enough to kill me and I reflected and found the beauty in life and thought.

Now I'm 19 and me and a friend are going to be starting a business together, we aren't even in college and him both have about 450k saved from our jobs and stock. You can ALWAYS change your situation just depends if your willing to do it.

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

@KrezeG I think you should post this or ask a mod to move this post into the recovery section. If you dont know what to do, I suggest you keep trying to get better. Being indecisive of ctb can usually lead to impulsive and rash decisions that cannot be reversed. Take your time to evaluate and make concise thoughts on your situation and future outcomes

 

[lionetta12]

Let me give you back story

I'm 18 now and I have a really shit life, it's not as bad as others but it's pretty unfortunate and my luck is horrible.


My family is poor and can't afford anything really, my mom abuses me and as a result I've been bounced around my family a bunch of times and now back with mom. She still treats me like shit and seems to not like me.

When I was 8 I went to a mental hospital. This was the first time I saw my dad. He's never been in my life.

When I was 12 I went to a mental hospital again for screaming and yelling.

A week later I was put back in after I got out because it seemed like my parents wanted to get rid of me.

When I was 13 my grandma was abusing me and I kicked her and they put me in juvy for one month. No visits, phone calls from anyone.

After I got out I was put in a mental hospital again.

And again.

I turned 14 and moved to away to live with my grandpa in another state. I was beinf bullied at school and I threatened to shoot up the school bc I was so done.

I was arrested again and was in for 6 months.


When I turned 17 I moved back to my mom. And she was worse than before and I ran away, for 4 months to live with my girlfriend. It was nice a peaceful and I wanted my life to get back on track.

While I was gone the day I left my mom called the police and told them I hit her which I didn't and had my little brother lie to them so a warrant was put out for me and now fast forward again. I come back home because my gf parents had enough.

After I'm back which is recently I went back to school and I was immediately picked up and locked up only this time with a felony.


I got out and now I'm on a ankle monitor and I finally started to get my life on track.

The moment I got to school I was pulled out of class and they said they are sending me to a alternate school and I'm 18 I threaten to leave and they said that I can't by law because I'll be at the alternate school.


Now we are here my mom is still shitting I can go any where till feb 27 is when this monitor comes off.

My girlfriend cares for me deeply and when I was at her house I was attempting to take pills as a last resort but she walked in on me. The fear in her eyes I will never get out of my head.


If you were in my situation would you ctb?

I can't get jobs or start a good life not to mention my school life sucks because I've moved so much I'm still considered a freshman even tho I should be a senior.


Would you ctb in my situation. And if so what you say to your girlfriend or mom

Thats some really bad luck and your issue seem to be that bad people in your life wont leave you alone. What's right for you and your situation is up to you to decide, but I think the only healthy way for you to live will be to get away from those people again as soon as you're able to, even though that sounds hard to do since your family contacts the police on you.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Going to be honest, even if people would CTB in your position, no one is going to say you should. We're not suppose to encourage people to commit suicide. CTBing is a personal decision only the beholder has the right to make for themselves.

 

[Forever Sleep]

You've had such a tough time- I'm really sorry. I think everyone here would sympathise with WHY you feel like you do. As to whether you SHOULD act on it- that's a very personal journey really. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else would do in your shoes- we're not you.

I hope you can find a way through this though. I think other people are right- it would be good if you could break away from the toxic people in your life. Could you move away with your girlfriend at some point?

 

[FuneralCry]

After all only you can decide what is best for yourself and nobody else should have any say in it as they cannot experience life the same way as you. But it does sound really awful what you've had to endure and it's just so horrible how people bring life into this world just to treat them so badly. I certainly do believe that humans are responsible for so much of the suffering that exists here in this world.

 

[KrezeG]

You've had such a tough time- I'm really sorry. I think everyone here would sympathise with WHY you feel like you do. As to whether you SHOULD act on it- that's a very personal journey really. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else would do in your shoes- we're not you.

I hope you can find a way through this though. I think other people are right- it would be good if you could break away from the toxic people in your life. Could you move away with your girlfriend at some point?

It's in the future but it's hard because no money :/

After all only you can decide what is best for yourself and nobody else should have any say in it as they cannot experience life the same way as you. But it does sound really awful what you've had to endure and it's just so horrible how people bring life into this world just to treat them so badly. I certainly do believe that humans are responsible for so much of the suffering that exists here in this world.

Thank you for that

 

[BritishPaul]

18 is very young, you have time to work things out on how to help your life with your girlfriend. It isn't too late to get things back on track, I believe in you. Use the people around you to help yourself if you need to.

 

[morgzfreeman2345]

Damn

Do not CTB trust me it won't solve your problems also reading this I couldn't help but think of me.

Ever since I was little my Father never want anything to do with me and my mother was poor and we lived on the streets and I had to live with my abusive grandmother from 5-8years old until my mother could legally have us again because she had no home.

I was bullied in 1-6th grade for having ADHD and even the staff made fun of me.

My mother finally got us into a good neighborhood but all the work she went through to give us a good life made we're emotionally detached from me and you tell and curse and hit me with me not having anywhere to go as she would kick down my door.

I tried drowning my self when I was 8.
I tried hanging my self at 12.
I tried slicing my throat when I was 15.
I drank like half a pint of bleach and drain cleaner also at 15 the same year.
I ran away from home at 13.
I ran away again at 14.
I went to a psyc ward at 12
And again at 15.

But I realized something I'm not a religious person but when I went to that psyc ward after my poisoning attempt and it not killing me I realized that there must be some reason I'm still alive and maybe someone or something had plans for me, cause I drank more than enough to kill me and I reflected and found the beauty in life and thought.

Now I'm 19 and me and a friend are going to be starting a business together, we aren't even in college and him both have about 450k saved from our jobs and stock. You can ALWAYS change your situation just depends if your willing to do it.

Damn how'd you build up that savings!