Help Should i call my "crush" before i die?

[avaruus]

Should i call my "crush" before i die... It's a weird thing to explain, i have been sort of "obsessed" with this girl ever since she transfered to my middle school back in 2017/2018 winter. I never actually properly talked to her. I know it's super superficial and shallow since i don't actually know her personality and all that stuff. It's just that shes the most beautiful woman i've ever seen.
But we have made eye contacts multiple times, they probably didn't mean anything to her, but to me it always made my heart skip a beat and made my day brighter.

Even in 2019 fall when vocational school / high school started here in Finland. She went to high school, and i went to vocational school which made me super depressed that i couldn't see her anymore. I even dropped out from vocational school just to transfer to high school, but my life overall was so fucked up and i was so depressed that the whole high school thing didn't work out, and i didn't even see her in there, so my school career was doomed anyways :P So i dropped out from there too, since then i've been living as a NEET.

I have been thinking her for the past 5, almost 6 years now. Sometimes a lot, sometimes i forget her for a while.
I've dreamed about her a lot, i've even fantasized / daydreamed that we're together.
I don't want to be a creep, a stalker or harass her, she most likely don't even know who i am.

I wouldn't want to harm or traumatize her, but i've really thought about calling her, and then introducing myself and telling this whole thing about me and her and my feelings,
while reassuring that i'm not some weird stalker / harraser who wants something bad to her. And that i'm going to die anyways after confessing this to you.

I just really want to tell her my 'feelings' and let her know who i am before i die.

I've thought about calling her just after i drinking my glass of SN, but would that be too traumatizing, scary or cruel thing to do to someone?

Especially recieving that call from a stranger and especially because i'm a dude and she is a girl and i'm well aware that male-female interctions, especially these kinds of obsession/stalker/creep situations can be really uncomfortable to women.


I would want especially views from women here, would it be really creepy?
You can be blunt with me, and just say your true thoughts and feelings about this and me. And if i'm being really way out of line

 

[Gloomislost]

I wouldn't do it if I were you. That would put a lot of mental stress on that girl to know that you called her and then ctb after. Unless you're having second thoughts about your ctb, then don't call her.

 

[avaruus]

IMO this would be pretty weird, sorry. You're aware of it being uncomfortable for them, it would be even worse if you brought up you dying right after/calling her right after drinking your SN. All this because she simply made eye contact with you is... yeah...

I wouldn't do it if I were you. That would put a lot of mental stress on that girl to know that you called her and then ctb after. Unless you're having second thoughts about your ctb, then don't call her.

Thank you for your insight. <3

IMO this would be pretty weird, sorry. You're aware of it being uncomfortable for them, it would be even worse if you brought up you dying right after/calling her right after drinking your SN. All this because she simply made eye contact with you is... yeah...

I wouldn't do it if I were you. That would put a lot of mental stress on that girl to know that you called her and then ctb after. Unless you're having second thoughts about your ctb, then don't call her.

Sorry i'm being a little insisting, but how about a text message instead?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

She doesn't know you at all, so imagine receiving a call from someone you don't know that says all this and then they're going to ctb. It would traumatize her. Even if you have second thoughts on ctb, I would focus your attention elsewhere.

No text message either. Getting a text message out of the blue from someone you don't know all of this, is the same as a phone call.

 

[avaruus]

She doesn't know you at all, so imagine receiving a call from someone you don't know that says all this and then they're going to ctb. It would traumatize her. Even if you have second thoughts on ctb, I would focus your attention elsewhere.

What if would tell her that she is not the reason that i'm going to CTB (she really isn't), or even tell her that i'm going to CTB at all, maybe just die from terminal illness or even tell her that im noit going to die at all, just casual confessing of feelings?
Would that be better?

I have just been toying with this idea for the last couple of days.

Sorry i'm being insisting and yeah i'm not going to do it if you say so, just blunty tell me that i'm a creep if i would do it, that would stop me.
I see you 'signature' and i would never want to be someone you're warning women against. Even if the context if slightly different.

 

[derpyderpins]

Should i call my "crush" before i die... It's a weird thing to explain, i have been sort of "obsessed" with this girl ever since she transfered to my middle school back in 2017/2018 winter. I never actually properly talked to her. I know it's super superficial and shallow since i don't actually know her personality and all that stuff. It's just that shes the most beautiful woman i've ever seen.
But we have made eye contacts multiple times, they probably didn't mean anything to her, but to me it always made my heart skip a beat and made my day brighter.

Even in 2019 fall when vocational school / high school started here in Finland. She went to high school, and i went to vocational school which made me super depressed that i couldn't see her anymore. I even dropped out from vocational school just to transfer to high school, but my life overall was so fucked up and i was so depressed that the whole high school thing didn't work out, and i didn't even see her in there, so my school career was doomed anyways :P So i dropped out from there too, since then i've been living as a NEET.

I have been thinking her for the past 5, almost 6 years now. Sometimes a lot, sometimes i forget her for a while.
I've dreamed about her a lot, i've even fantasized / daydreamed that we're together.
I don't want to be a creep, a stalker or harass her, she most likely don't even know who i am.

I wouldn't want to harm or traumatize her, but i've really thought about calling her, and then introducing myself and telling this whole thing about me and her and my feelings,
while reassuring that i'm not some weird stalker / harraser who wants something bad to her. And that i'm going to die anyways after confessing this to you.

I just really want to tell her my 'feelings' and let her know who i am before i die.

I've thought about calling her just after i drinking my glass of SN, but would that be too traumatizing, scary or cruel thing to do to someone?

Especially recieving that call from a stranger and especially because i'm a dude and she is a girl and i'm well aware that male-female interctions, especially these kinds of obsession/stalker/creep situations can be really uncomfortable to women.


I would want especially views from women here, would it be really creepy?
You can be blunt with me, and just say your true thoughts and feelings about this and me. And if i'm being really way out of line

Definitely don't tell her you're going to ctb. That's cruel to her and potentially troublesome for you.

How would you get her number? If it will provide you closure I don't think there's anything particularly evil about letting her know you admire her, but if you could do it in a written form you could make it a little more balanced without pressuring her. Something like:

"Hi [X]. You may or may not remember me but we were in school together for a bit. I hope you don't mind me sending you this message, but I wanted to let you know that I had a big crush on you. I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and just seeing you smile always made my day better.

I'm not asking you out or anything, so no worries there, and I'm not planning to message or see you again or anything. I just thought it would be a shame if I felt such strong feelings and you didn't even know. You're awesome! I'm sure plenty of people think that. Anyway, no need to reply to this, just know I hope things are going great for you, and if they aren't know that I'm rooting for you. [Y]"

I think wording it like this could both let you get your closure without freaking her out. Open to other opinions from the forum.

 

[avaruus]

Definitely don't tell her you're going to ctb. That's cruel to her and potentially troublesome for you.

How would you get her number? If it will provide you closure I don't think there's anything particularly evil about letting her know you admire her, but if you could do it in a written form you could make it a little more balanced without pressuring her. Something like:

"Hi [X]. You may or may not remember me but we were in school together for a bit. I hope you don't mind me sending you this message, but I wanted to let you know that I had a big crush on you. I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and just seeing you smile always made my day better.

I'm not asking you out or anything, so no worries there, and I'm not planning to message or see you again or anything. I just thought it would be a shame if I felt such strong feelings and you didn't even know. You're awesome! I'm sure plenty of people think that. Anyway, no need to reply to this, just know I hope things are going great for you, and if they aren't know that I'm rooting for you. [Y]"

I think wording it like this could both let you get your closure without freaking her out. Open to other opinions from the forum.

Thank you, if other women here assure that that kind of message would be fine, then i would really want to send that. And i don't have her phone number, just her Snapchat.

 

[derpyderpins]

And i don't have her phone number, just her Snapchat.

lol I'm so old. I imagined myself in high school and didn't even think of DMing on social.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I wouldn't do it! Those last calls to people can traumatize them and they often live their lives wondering if there was anything they could have said or done to prevent this? Maybe they missed the call and will feel bad. I think suicide should only involve yourself and don't bring anymore people involved if you can help it. Best wishes

 

[Suicidebydeath]

What if would tell her that she is not the reason that i'm going to CTB (she really isn't), or even tell her that i'm going to CTB at all, maybe just die from terminal illness or even tell her that im noit going to die at all, just casual confessing of feelings?
Would that be better?

I have just been toying with this idea for the last couple of days.

Sorry i'm being insisting and yeah i'm not going to do it if you say so, just blunty tell me that i'm a creep if i would do it, that would stop me.
I see you 'signature' and i would never want to be someone you're warning women against. Even if the context if slightly different.

Given your feelings are based on her looks from over 4 years ago and crossing eyes a few times, I wouldn't tell her any of this, even if you weren't going to ctb. Definitely don't lie about terminal illness. I think it would be creepy to contact her out of the blue now, all you will do is make her uncomfortable, which is what you don't want, right?

Imo, you shouldn't confess to someone you don't know.

 

[AshClouds]

No don't even write a letter as derpyderpins suggested. Especially if you ctb. That would freak her out, even if you write that she isn't the reason. She'll most likely have extreme negative feelings about you, maybe even hate you, or think you're some obsessed stalker. Its just a bad idea all around.

 

[リンさん]

The fact that you're even thinking of this is, in itself, pretty telling that this is exactly an obsession and an unhealthy, superficial crush.

If you did truly care about her beyond being infatuated with an image of hers you built in your head, there wouldn't be a question of whether or not she should know. Because it is very clear that she's better off blissfully unaware.

This is the kindest thing you can do for her, saving her possibly a lifetime of confusion and maybe even shame. But the choice is ultimately yours: do you want to satisfy your selfish (not inherently bad, but you do hurt her) desire or ensure that she doesn't have to deal with this burden?

 

[dizzdesi]

hello! i am so sorry--i know this isn't something you wanna hear--but contacting her and telling her you're gonna ctb is selfish and cruel. i know that's not your intention and you did the right thing asking on this forum beforehand! as a woman, i've been through stalking, unwanted contact/attention from men...etc. i think you have good intentions but you must understand that she is a stranger and likely wary of men as it is. unfortunately as a woman, you have to be

 

[avaruus]

Given your feelings are based on her looks from over 4 years ago and crossing eyes a few times, I wouldn't tell her any of this, even if you weren't going to ctb. Definitely don't lie about terminal illness. I think it would be creepy to contact her out of the blue now, all you will do is make her uncomfortable, which is what you don't want, right?

Imo, you shouldn't confess to someone you don't know.

No don't even write a letter as derpyderpins suggested. Especially if you ctb. That would freak her out, even if you write that she isn't the reason. She'll most likely have extreme negative feelings about you, maybe even hate you, or think you're some obsessed stalker. Its just a bad idea all around.

The fact that you're even thinking of this is, in itself, pretty telling that this is exactly an obsession and an unhealthy, superficial crush.

If you did truly care about her beyond being infatuated with an image of hers you built in your head, there wouldn't be a question of whether or not she should know. Because it is very clear that she's better off blissfully unaware.

This is the kindest thing you can do for her, saving her possibly a lifetime of confusion and maybe even shame. But the choice is ultimately yours: do you want to satisfy your selfish (not inherently bad, but you do hurt her) desire or ensure that she doesn't have to deal with this burden?

hello! i am so sorry--i know this isn't something you wanna hear--but contacting her and telling her you're gonna ctb is selfish and cruel. i know that's not your intention and you did the right thing asking on this forum beforehand! as a woman, i've been through stalking, unwanted contact/attention from men...etc. i think you have good intentions but you must understand that she is a stranger and likely wary of men as it is. unfortunately as a woman, you have to be

I knew i was being out of line, like you pointed out, i'm just being selfish.
I never experienced romantical love so i guess i just wanted to have a slight taste of it, even if it would have been cruel and superficial.

But,
Thank you, i'm not going to contact her. (I guess you can be proud of yourselves for "saving" her from me :D)

 

[dizzdesi]

I knew i was being out of line, like you pointed out, i'm just being selfish.
I never experienced romantical love so i guess i just wanted to have a slight taste of it, even if it would have been cruel and superficial.

i'm so sorry to hear that you haven't experienced that :( but i am happy that you took other people's advice into account! people can think the wildest things when love/attraction is thrown into the mix. don't beat yourself up over it--it's a very human thing to do

 

[derpyderpins]

She'll most likely have extreme negative feelings about you, maybe even hate you, or think you're some obsessed stalker.

Because it is very clear that she's better off blissfully unaware.

unwanted contact/attention from men...etc. i think you have good intentions but you must understand that she is a stranger and likely wary of men as it is. unfortunately as a woman, you have to be

I can certainly accept being wrong here . . . but boy does this make me feel bad for OP and any young men trying to get by in this world these days. Obviously everyone here including me is in agreement don't tell her you're going to ctb or make up stories about terminal illness or really say anything about your situation. I just am sad, I guess, that merely telling someone you admire them is seen as such an offense. I'm not arguing - ya'll are probably right, I'm just noticing the sad state of where we have gotten as people. I guess I also don't understand social media because it seems to me the whole reason to have it and post pictures of yourself is to get attention and admiration from strangers.

Young men are screwed, which I guess is why there are all these stories of them remaining celibate and not even attempting to reach out for love.

Personally, if someone out there had strong feelings about me, I wouldn't fault them for letting me know, even if I couldn't help them, and I don't think I'd be worse off for it, even if I later found out they ctb. I guess the explanation is that as a man I can't understand how awful it is to get unsolicited admiration, because men are starved for such affection while women drown in it, and that as someone who has been suicidal I don't understand how simply knowing about one damages your head.

So for a young man, the answer IS to isolate further. Keep your feelings in and take them to the grave I guess. That's the best thing you can do, because even your admiration is a toxic thing that would hurt someone.

 

[derpyderpins]

What OP wants to do is a bit more than just telling her he admires her.

Well, yeah, and like I said we all agree not to do what he originally suggested.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I'd say you should call her, but skip the part where you say you are gonna ctb.
Also absolutely don't call her after you have taken your SN... of course that could be traumatizing.

Just call her, tell her what your feelings are. What's wrong with that?
The last thing you want is leaving this world thinking: "Shit I should have called her".

Besides, let's be real, you probably idealized her. As soon as you realize she is one of the many Karens with negative IQ, everything you feel will be gone.
Don't read the last line from cinic old me. Heh.
Follow your heart!

 

[ThisUnrest]

Please read about limerance, this might put things into perspective for you. It can feel overwhemling and very real.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I can certainly accept being wrong here . . . but boy does this make me feel bad for OP and any young men trying to get by in this world these days. Obviously everyone here including me is in agreement don't tell her you're going to ctb or make up stories about terminal illness or really say anything about your situation. I just am sad, I guess, that merely telling someone you admire them is seen as such an offense. I'm not arguing - ya'll are probably right, I'm just noticing the sad state of where we have gotten as people. I guess I also don't understand social media because it seems to me the whole reason to have it and post pictures of yourself is to get attention and admiration from strangers.

Young men are screwed, which I guess is why there are all these stories of them remaining celibate and not even attempting to reach out for love.

Personally, if someone out there had strong feelings about me, I wouldn't fault them for letting me know, even if I couldn't help them, and I don't think I'd be worse off for it, even if I later found out they ctb. I guess the explanation is that as a man I can't understand how awful it is to get unsolicited admiration, because men are starved for such affection while women drown in it, and that as someone who has been suicidal I don't understand how simply knowing about one damages your head.

So for a young man, the answer IS to isolate further. Keep your feelings in and take them to the grave I guess. That's the best thing you can do, because even your admiration is a toxic thing that would hurt someone.

It's still perfectly okay to meet and talk to women naturally so I personally don't see how young men are screwed. That's not what is suggested here, and this is a stranger from five years ago that has moved on with her life, they've never spoken to each other before. It's not like they're even old friends.

 

[R_N]

Confessing to girls you barely know is never a good idea imo. I say that as a guy tho.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's still perfectly okay to meet and talk to women naturally so I personally don't see how young men are screwed.

You think so? I find people report the opposite experience; being that these days approaching in-person is seen as even more threatening, creepy, and unacceptable. I hope you're right.

 

[Linda]

Should i call my "crush" before i die... It's a weird thing to explain, i have been sort of "obsessed" with this girl ever since she transfered to my middle school back in 2017/2018 winter. I never actually properly talked to her. I know it's super superficial and shallow since i don't actually know her personality and all that stuff. It's just that shes the most beautiful woman i've ever seen.
But we have made eye contacts multiple times, they probably didn't mean anything to her, but to me it always made my heart skip a beat and made my day brighter.

Even in 2019 fall when vocational school / high school started here in Finland. She went to high school, and i went to vocational school which made me super depressed that i couldn't see her anymore. I even dropped out from vocational school just to transfer to high school, but my life overall was so fucked up and i was so depressed that the whole high school thing didn't work out, and i didn't even see her in there, so my school career was doomed anyways :P So i dropped out from there too, since then i've been living as a NEET.

I have been thinking her for the past 5, almost 6 years now. Sometimes a lot, sometimes i forget her for a while.
I've dreamed about her a lot, i've even fantasized / daydreamed that we're together.
I don't want to be a creep, a stalker or harass her, she most likely don't even know who i am.

I wouldn't want to harm or traumatize her, but i've really thought about calling her, and then introducing myself and telling this whole thing about me and her and my feelings,
while reassuring that i'm not some weird stalker / harraser who wants something bad to her. And that i'm going to die anyways after confessing this to you.

I just really want to tell her my 'feelings' and let her know who i am before i die.

I've thought about calling her just after i drinking my glass of SN, but would that be too traumatizing, scary or cruel thing to do to someone?

Especially recieving that call from a stranger and especially because i'm a dude and she is a girl and i'm well aware that male-female interctions, especially these kinds of obsession/stalker/creep situations can be really uncomfortable to women.


I would want especially views from women here, would it be really creepy?
You can be blunt with me, and just say your true thoughts and feelings about this and me. And if i'm being really way out of line

My advice would be "No". I don't think it would go well, it probably wouldn't achieve anything, and it probably wouldn't do either of you any good. The problem is that her feelings for you are unlikely to be anything like your feelings for her, and as a result the two of you probably won't even be able to get on the same wavelength.

 

[0000000000000]

He is already at peace. Unless you posted it for others to see?