Venting short vent on why I want to end it all

[calixocat]

it feels weird writing about it all but here's everything.
I feel so incredibly lonely and there's never been anyone in my life who has wanted me to stay by there side forever, I wish I had someone who I could call my only bestfriend and they'd reciprocate, I feel jealous when I see the friendship others have and it makes me wish pain on them just so I feel better. All my close friends have someone they value more, when they found out I attempted , they comforted me- made me feel wanted and cherished and loved but all of that disappeared in 2 days. It went back to normal, them distancing themselves from me because I was being too clingy. I wish someone loved me, cared for me, and saw me as their closest person without being called too clingy. Lifes so miserable. I have no one there for me, I make up imaginary friends so I don't seem friendless even though I am. I also hate my looks, I'm pretty average looking and there's no one who would ever go ahead and compliment me If I'll be honest. My coping mechanism is to watch anime, read manga and all that fictional stuff, I wish I could reincarnate into a better life where I may be could have someone by my side and be strong, look good, or be smart. My whole life is based on pleasing others and there's nothing else, the only enjoyment I get in life is playing games where I get to escape my pain. I really hope one day I meet someone I can call my bestest friend without forcing it. I hope I die so I can reincarnate but I also hope I disappear overall. oh and the superpower I want most is invisibility. That's all I guess, thanks for listening

 

[kufajoy]

Ah another Isekai fan. Wish that happen to me as well

But honestly if people find out you tried suicide they even distance themselves more.

 

[Codename_Joryu]

I never understood what's so wrong with pleasing people. Is it really that wrong to care for others because you know exactly how it feels to be nothing? Why does it pushes people away so much when everything you want is to just love and be loved in return. Doesn't everyone want that?

I'm no one's favourite too, just a side character in everybody's life that only exists to entertain them until someone better comes. I've done so many stuff for others for absolutely nothing in return. There is not a single person I can call my best friend.

 

[kufajoy]

I never understood what's so wrong with pleasing people. Is it really that wrong to care for others because you know exactly how it feels to be nothing? Why does it pushes people away so much when everything you want is to just love and be loved in return. Doesn't everyone want that?

I'm no one's favourite too, just a side character in everybody's life that only exists to entertain them until someone better comes. I've done so many stuff for others for absolutely nothing in return. There is not a single person I can call my best friend.

Exactly. We are disposable object

 

[Forever Sleep]

I never understood what's so wrong with pleasing people. Is it really that wrong to care for others because you know exactly how it feels to be nothing? Why does it pushes people away so much when everything you want is to just love and be loved in return. Doesn't everyone want that?

I'm no one's favourite too, just a side character in everybody's life that only exists to entertain them until someone better comes. I've done so many stuff for others for absolutely nothing in return. There is not a single person I can call my best friend.

It's surely a good, kind thing to want to make others happy but then, I suppose in the closer friendships, it's reciprocal. It isn't really even 'pleasing' because it comes naturally. Hopefully- both people will be wanting to do the same thing so, they're not necessarily going out their way to please.

I suppose sometimes, it can come across as fake too. We probably all want friendships where we are able to be ourselves and to be honest with one another mostly. If people don't tell us what they really think, we may not feel as if we really know them.

I think it sometimes looks too desperate too. I've been on both sides of the 'relationship'- I've been too eager towards people I hoped would become close friends and I've felt uncomfortable when others have for instance- bought me loads of gifts. Because- in my heart- I already had a best friend. I couldn't be a best friend to them as well.

I suppose it's just uncomfortable when either we want more than the other person is able to give or, others want more of us than we can spare. By 'pleasing', it might look like we are trying to buy or coerce their friendship. Especially when it comes to best friendships- we may feel a loyalty there to another person.

I'd like to hope everyone has someone out there- where it all just feels natural and fun. Where you're not looking on it like an obligation to pay back someone. That you'd basically rather be with them than not. But even there- you can't really trust it will last forever. I've drifted away from my best friend and they literally felt like a soul mate/ family for a time.

I think it becomes harder to create really strong bonds too- if we aren't in situations where we are around and need one another. My better friendships were made at uni. I've found as I've aged, friends have gotten married and had children and their families then started to take the place of that friendship need.

 

[RainyDays]

Ah another Isekai fan. Wish that happen to me as well

But honestly if people find out you tried suicide they even distance themselves more.

I find it so interesting when people do that. It's like they're shaming. It's an odd reaction.