The reason she won't say I love may be because she feels like, in her mind or to her ears, she feels like you're demanding that she tell you that she loves you.
Do you ask numerous times for her to tell you that she loves you? Maybe not directly but in the way you described in your post? Or do you only ask once in a while?
Given how you feel about her it's hard to say this but maybe she does love you but can't give emotionally or maybe the feeling isn't there and the relationship is more convenient than it is genuine.
I don't know, you need to feel loved, that's not neediness, everyone needs to feel loved, and need to for her to reassure you that she loves you and she won't give you that reassurance. That's not very nice.
You might need to have a direct conversation with her. Wait for the right time and just be honest. You need to hear I love you, you need her and love and affection.
If she ignores you or gives you a cold reaction then I don't know what to tell you.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
First things first not going to lie kind of feel like I'm being attacked here, and being assumed understand that I went through two years of therapy and gotten over my insecurities and all that other good s*** now the reason why I was feeling suicidal over the fact that I'm not hearing her say she loves me it's again she randomly comes back into my life, she knows I'm going to let her in.
Now I understand that, if anyone has a lot of power in the relationship it's not me it's her because even though she said she doesn't love me I always say I love her and I do a lot of s*** for her.
And I'm not a grown man I'm actually a grown woman,also I'm not putting anything on her it's just about that I've been with her for 10 years we just established a new relationship again and I know things are going to take time but all that s*** you're saying right now makes me feel like my feelings are not validated whatsoever and you're over here assuming it's controlling manipulation when in reality it's not.
it's called I'm scared I don't know what the hell is going on or anything like that
The reason she won't say I love may be because she feels like, in her mind or to her ears, she feels like you're demanding that she tell you that she loves you.
Do you ask numerous times for her to tell you that she loves you? Maybe not directly but in the way you described in your post? Or do you only ask once in a while?
Given how you feel about her it's hard to say this but maybe she does love you but can't give emotionally or maybe the feeling isn't there and the relationship is more convenient than it is genuine.
I don't know, you need to feel loved, that's not neediness, everyone needs to feel loved, and need to for her to reassure you that she loves you and she won't give you that reassurance. That's not very nice.
You might need to have a direct conversation with her. Wait for the right time and just be honest. You need to hear I love you, you need her and love and affection.
If she ignores you or gives you a cold reaction then I don't know what to tell you.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
First things first not going to lie kind of feel like I'm being attacked here, and being assumed understand that I went through two years of therapy and gotten over my insecurities and all that other good s*** now the reason why I was feeling suicidal over the fact that I'm not hearing her say she loves me it's again she randomly comes back into my life, she knows I'm going to let her in.
Now I understand that, if anyone has a lot of power in the relationship it's not me it's her because even though she said she doesn't love me I always say I love her and I do a lot of s*** for her.
And I'm not a grown man I'm actually a grown woman,also I'm not putting anything on her it's just about that I've been with her for 10 years we just established a new relationship again and I know things are going to take time but all that s*** you're saying right now makes me feel like my feelings are not validated whatsoever and you're over here assuming it's controlling manipulation when in reality it's not.
It's called I'm scared I don't know what the hell is going on
The reason she won't say I love may be because she feels like, in her mind or to her ears, she feels like you're demanding that she tell you that she loves you.
Do you ask numerous times for her to tell you that she loves you? Maybe not directly but in the way you described in your post? Or do you only ask once in a while?
Given how you feel about her it's hard to say this but maybe she does love you but can't give emotionally or maybe the feeling isn't there and the relationship is more convenient than it is genuine.
I don't know, you need to feel loved, that's not neediness, everyone needs to feel loved, and need to for her to reassure you that she loves you and she won't give you that reassurance. That's not very nice.
You might need to have a direct conversation with her. Wait for the right time and just be honest. You need to hear I love you, you need her and love and affection.
If she ignores you or gives you a cold reaction then I don't know what to tell you.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
^^^
This is the problem. No woman (no human) wants to be manipulated. If you're going to self harm b/c you can't hear 3 little words (despite being together 10 yrs etc.), and despite everything you know in your heart, it feels like manipulation. Despite whether you said that or not, she can sense it.
Next it will be you will kill yourself / self harm if she doesn't make you lunch! *at least that's what most women would be thinking* and no-one wants to be manipulated or controlled. You shouldn't be trying to compel someone to meet your needs. It feels like a threat. Either learn to be secure in yourself or you're going to bleed the relationship dry. If you do this you will likely hear it from her naturally if the relationship is healthy.
^^^
A mother who's willing to give up her kids is likely going through a lot of shit right now. I imagine she doesn't want to say "I love you" because she wants to maintain an emotional distance from you at this moment. She is also going through a lot--managing your issues, her own issues and these children's needs--so for you to assert your needs over hers (and the kids') is too much. Kids' needs are the only ones that should take priority at this moment. To be a woman that's being pulled in multiple directions (kids, man, and whatever else ails her) is just too much. You're a grown man. To a woman you are strength which is not always represented as might. Strength can be something simple as showing control and patience while still loving her as she is.
You need to accept where the relationship is at at the moment. Relationships are a dance and you are both in a rocky solo dance despite standing next to each other. Learn to live with it. Things won't be perfect all the time. Own your shit and don't put it on her and you'll likely get past this phase together, on to a place where she can resume meeting your needs, in addition to her own.
If you can stick it out, high probability you'll get to a better place in the relationship soon.
First things first not going to lie kind of feel like I'm being attacked here, and being assumed understand that I went through two years of therapy and gotten over my insecurities and all that other good s*** now the reason why I was feeling suicidal over the fact that I'm not hearing her say she loves me it's again she randomly comes back into my life, she knows I'm going to let her in.
Now I understand that, if anyone has a lot of power in the relationship it's not me it's her because even though she said she doesn't love me I always say I love her and I do a lot of s*** for her.
And I'm not a grown man I'm actually a grown woman,also I'm not putting anything on her it's just about that I've been with her for 10 years we just established a new relationship again and I know things are going to take time but all that s*** you're saying right now makes me feel like my feelings are not validated whatsoever and you're over here assuming it's controlling manipulation when in reality it's not.
It's called I'm scared I don't know what the hell is going on
@toforigivelife
let's make it an established understanding here I'm not demanding it I'm not asking her for it in fact I really ask her at all do you love me because I know how it makes her feel I keep a lot of these thoughts to myself, understand that regardless of the venomous toxic s*** her and I went through together as a team and as a couple for those 10 years I'm acting like as if nothing happened because I'm just happy that she's back in my life, and I never tell her oh I'm going to hurt myself because I'm not asking for attention nor my seeking help, because if I were to say all this to her directly it would just cause more drama that's why I'm venting here I don't need your relationship advice I just need to know that I don't need to feel a f****** alone in this because the thing is in life when you're in a relationship sometimes you just need some reassurance when you and your partner have been through so much hell.
The last thing I heard her say to me before we restarted this relationship was your issues and your reassurance isn't my problem even though we're in a relationship.
Now if you were to go to a couples therapist or even your average therapist they would have looked at her and thought she was f****** insane, because when you're in a relationship you're a team if there's something wrong with your mate you make sure they're okay but instead I have to do with all of my problems on my own even when I really need someone.
so I kind of feel like I am a one girl team right now even though I'm doing all these things for her taking her out to eat getting her roses all this s*** I'm doing all this s*** and all I'm asking for is just I love you and even then if I take the county I'm not even asking for it I just keeping it to myself because I want to hear it.
because I'm having trouble believing that it's true even deep down in my soul I know it's true otherwise again she wouldn't be around.
So yes sometimes reassurance can be really beneficial.
and it takes two to tango when it comes down to a relationship especially if it turns toxic it's never one person's fault.
