Venting She might love me but I still want to ctb

[LongSeason]

Recently my best friend has kind of declared to me that she has mixed feeling about us.
I've been in love with her for so long and she knows that too, she's also the only other person to know about my depression and attempts, I really care for her.
A day has passed and I'm not happy, I have fucking cried for reasons not even known to me and I want to die so much despite the fact that she might love me.
I should be happy right now, not feeling like this.
I think that what I really wanted was for her to hate me so I could finally die and be forgotten without hurting anyone, I don't want to see her shed a single tear for me.

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi there longseason.

Maybe the relationship could become something more and the return of her love to you may lift your suicidal thoughts alittle.(just a thought)
it sounds like u trust one other and have a good relationship.
Having said that,i dont think we can just live for others to retain their happiness.
Your death will cause her upset no matter which way you look at it.
I guess we would all love to ctb without our conscience giving us a hard time.
It is your choice and i wish u peace and happiness on your road ahead. X

 

[Broken]

Recently my best friend has kind of declared to me that she has mixed feeling about us.
I've been in love with her for so long and she knows that too, she's also the only other person to know about my depression and attempts, I really care for her.
A day has passed and I'm not happy, I have fucking cried for reasons not even known to me and I want to die so much despite the fact that she might love me.
I should be happy right now, not feeling like this.
I think that what I really wanted was for her to hate me so I could finally die and be forgotten without hurting anyone, I don't want to see her shed a single tear for me.

I would definitely see where the love goes. You'll never know if you don't try.