Venting She left me.

[Alex_Was_Here]

My partner of five years left me, I don't know what to do anymore. She made me want more, she made me want a future with her. I had no intentions of living past 20 and she kept egging me on to grow old with her until I wanted that. But now shes gone, and I'm desperately trying to find anyone to just love me the way she did, but I can't. I can't just move on from everything we had. But it's over and we talked and shes done and I wasn't enough, I didn't do enough. I let her down and now I'm alone and I'm hurting and I just want to be held by someone who cares about me the way I did for her. I don't want to have to leave the home we made together, but she doesn't want me here anymore. I've been looking around and the SN method seems pretty straightforward. I'm not sure what else I would do, I don't have anything anymore. My sister is willing to take me in back in Chicago but I don't have a home anymore, I don't have a job anymore. I don't have a place to put my half of the life we built together or a way to move it all. I'm done man, I wanna give up. It would be so easy to just give up. I don't belong here, I don't fit correctly, I don't think normally, and I don't work like other people do. It's embarrassing, I didn't succeed. I failed and I'm drowning in it.

 

[TBONTB]

I'm so sorry for this. You sound heartbroken.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm so sorry for this. You sound heartbroken.

I can't stop crying dude, it hurts so much. I just keep trying to distract myself but what else am I supposed to think about while packing up my side our shit, you know? I just keep remembering all the good times we had, every time I pick something else up it brings me back to the day we got it together and decided to take it home, to add it to our home.

 

[Alice.]

I'm so sorry man. I couldn't imagine going through this with my bf. Do you wanna talk about what happened?

 

[eternalpace]

I'm sorry this happened. I know the feeling and it's beyond gut-wrenching.

 

[TBONTB]

Crying is okay, hurting is okay. I won't say that it won't always feel this way, but it won't.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm so sorry man. I couldn't imagine going through this with my bf. Do you wanna talk about what happened?

I think I just wasn't ready. She was raised really well, she had a passion and a drive to get shit done. I grew up having to rely on myself, to isolate, I never got raised as much as I got yelled at and beat. I just didn't do enough, she needed someone she could rely on and I didn't have and still have any motivation to get up sometimes? To be around other people? To grow? I just feel stuck all the time and I don't do anything to fix it? But I want to, more than anything I want to be better but I don't and I feel terrible I feel like it validates everything.

 

[rs929]

I know the feeling. I don't recommend looking forward to CTB in this moment. You're in pain but breakup pain eventually ends.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I'm sorry this happened. I know the feeling and it's beyond gut-wrenching.

I just didn't think it would end like this. I just wanted everything we had planned. I just wanted more and I didn't do enough.

Crying is okay, hurting is okay. I won't say that it won't always feel this way, but it won't.

I know, I know. It just feels like too much this time. She was the best thing in my life, she made me want to be better and I thought I was getting better, I did. But it wasn't enough and it wasn't fast enough.

I know the feeling. I don't recommend looking forward to CTB in this moment. You're in pain but breakup pain eventually ends.

I know better, I use to think about it all the time. I stopped, I felt better and I was done with it for the most part. But it's all coming back, like a fucking dam breaking.
It's our home man. I don't wanna leave our home. I don't want to go.

 

[ForestGhost]

I don't want to say hollow words about how "it will get better", but... time might soften the pain a bit. Breakups are not much different than withdrawals from powerful drugs. I hope you can feel a bit of relief soon. I can really feel your distress and I'm so sorry.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I don't want to say hollow words about how "it will get better", but... time might soften the pain a bit. Breakups are not much different than withdrawals from powerful drugs. I hope you can feel a bit of relief soon. I can really feel your distress and I'm so sorry.

That's a good comparison, and I get it. I feel like it's easy for "it will get better" to feel empty? But it means a lot right now that anyone cares to reply, to relate, and understand. It hurts more than I can describe or put into words. I feel so alone right now, she won't even spend these last two days here while I pack, she isn't here to see what it's doing to me, and thats great for her man. But I don't have anyone to go to now, and it's hurting me more and more, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to cry, it hurts to feel. My heart is aching and yet I can't feel it anymore.