Sharing my Story and my thoughts

[Bear1234]

Hi guys, I hope y'all respond to me and I hope its nice lol. I have so many thoughts but my main thought is that I hope we all get relief from suffering. I'll read different things in the chat and it honestly breaks my heart how many of us are struggling for whatever reason (childhood trauma, physical illness, mental illness (BPD, schizophrenia). At the end of the day, we all want a better life but if that can't be achieved, I hope that we all are able to successfully CTB. In my ideal world, I wouldn't be dealing with illness and I would be able to enjoy the beautiful life that I know is possible for me. I am fortunate in so many ways but unfortunate in the most important way. I am fortunate because I have good parents who care about me alot, I have good friends (maybe not super close but they are sweet and there), I have a good roof over my head and I have access to food. I am unfortunate because I am dealing with a chronic health issue. I am in my late 20s now and in my early 20s I started dealing with a different health issue. That health issue lasted 3 years and a few surgeries later + hella trauma, I was okay. I was okay for 2 years and then a different chronic health issue hit. This one has no 'solution' according to the doctors here in America. This was probably the one scenario I feared more in my life - having a chronic health issue that I can't fix and I'm going to suffer with it. This chronic health issue hit me exactly one year ago. Its been non-stop symptoms. I have cried so much all year long. I stayed up praying to god, hoping he would just heal me. Now, I feel hopeless. I lost my job due to this and had to move back home. This hurt me heavily but worst part is living with this condition and feeling like there is no end in sight. I wish I wasn't on this website to be honest. I wish I didn't feel like my only way out of suffering is to CTB. Then I still have 5 percent hope that maybe just maybe things will get better that there is something I haven't tried yet - homeopathic (which I'm doing), or maybe the next doctor I see might have some magic solution for me. The hope itself also hurts. I'm sorry anyone on here is going through shit. I'm sorry that we can't just press a button and opt out of life because I would be fucking running towards that button. Anyway wanted to share my story and maybe make some friends along the way. Much love,

Bear<3

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is such a cruel existence where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, I also just wish for the button to permanently free myself from existing. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[Pinkliquid12]

It really is a shame that there are not better supports for people like you. That the one life you have, that could have otherwise been enjoyed for the most part, is being ruined by illness and depression. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I hope you can somehow find relief from treatment. If you're looking for friends, you're free to PM me

 

[Traveller12724]

It's truly sad what the randomness of the universe can throw one's way and screw up their future, I am so sorry that this happened to you my friend, I know it's cruel and unfair but I hope you do find peace one way or another.

 

[Bear1234]

It truly is such a cruel existence where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, I also just wish for the button to permanently free myself from existing. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

Thats the part that kinda gets me, the no fault of my own. If it was my fault maybe idk I could give this a reason but honestly I can't find any justification for suffering like this. Thank you for your kind words. I truly pray it gets better for you too and that if anything one day some button takes us out. If you ever wanna chat, feel free to PM me

It's truly sad what the randomness of the universe can throw one's way and screw up their future, I am so sorry that this happened to you my friend, I know it's cruel and unfair but I hope you do find peace one way or another.

Thank you for being the kindest soul I met on here. Your openness to me honestly means a lot and I am so sorry that you dealt with a tough hand in life as well. I'm praying for your peace as well

It really is a shame that there are not better supports for people like you. That the one life you have, that could have otherwise been enjoyed for the most part, is being ruined by illness and depression. I'm sorry this has happened to you and I hope you can somehow find relief from treatment. If you're looking for friends, you're free to PM me

Literally, this illness stripped away my identity. I was always the life of the party and I love laughing about literally anything. I love enjoying a nice walk outside or watching a good tv show and eating a yummy ass cookie. The little things that bring joy. Most of all I love dancing. I miss it so much. I hope I find relief too <3 and I will deff PM you thank you for being welcoming