Spiny Lobster
Member
- Jul 16, 2020
- 53
I have this tremendous fog in my brain that's making it really difficult to simply exist without getting lost in it. But I can't tell anyone how I feel because I'll feel worse for it. I hate confiding in friends because that'll make me the shitty friend for putting so much of my burden on them. I absolutely cannot confide in my family, and likewise I can't confide in a hotline. They'll just call the police on me, making the shame I already feel that much worse.
Shame is the worst thing I'll ever feel. Shame prevents me from pursuing help or even from CTB. It keeps me stuck. Like the depression, it alienates me from the people around me, but is somehow much worse. Because even if I live through the depression, the shame will always be there...
I feel like shit when I look up the statistics on methods to CTB and finding that I will be in pain no matter what (unless I can get my hands on a gun, which, admittedly, I cannot). Through my pitiable attempts at "research," the shame is there to remind me of my failure not only to live, but to die, as well.
Shame is the worst thing I'll ever feel. Shame prevents me from pursuing help or even from CTB. It keeps me stuck. Like the depression, it alienates me from the people around me, but is somehow much worse. Because even if I live through the depression, the shame will always be there...
I feel like shit when I look up the statistics on methods to CTB and finding that I will be in pain no matter what (unless I can get my hands on a gun, which, admittedly, I cannot). Through my pitiable attempts at "research," the shame is there to remind me of my failure not only to live, but to die, as well.