I really am sexually deranged. I hate my sexuality so much. I let so many people take advantage of me and I developed sick fetishes from it. I keep thinking back to my rape and I get a fucking erection from it. I hate my body so much. I'm so disgusting.
Ashu
novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
- Nov 13, 2021
- 698
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
Being aroused by / coming to fetishize past traumatic experiences is something I too experience and can confirm it's incredibly distressing. We aren't the only ones either. But it is very difficult for others to understand who don't experience it themselves. I'm sorry you go through that.
Foresight
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2019
- 1,397
Sex can be so toxic, and no words really can be said to ease the pain of rape. It's unspeakable and the impact is long lasting. I'm so sorry.
It's so cruel. Why does my brain have to be wired like this? Just why?
I'm sorry you have to go through this too, @its-about-time. No one deserves to feel this way.
That's very off-topic, but it's a complete lack of motivation and self-respect. I can't write anything without falling into despair about how worthless my writing is and how I have no future.
Ashu
novelist, sanskritist, Canadian living in India
- Nov 13, 2021
- 698
Well, I'm a writer too, and I know the feeling well, and have overcome it. Maybe we can talk about it on-topic sometime.
stoiccactus
somehow still here
- Mar 24, 2022
- 246
I don't think a fetish is a bad way for your brain to work through trauma. Self expression through sex is like one of the oldest and most common forms of human self expression. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, just consider that what one person considers "sick" another person is like "hell yeah".
