sexuality and confusion

[batmanreal]

another thing that isn't a source a sadness or stress for me, just some miscellaneous thoughts + wondering if there's anyone here who can relate or provide some insight.

i've never cared that much about putting a label on my sexuality because i never really saw the point. i still don't see the point, but it's been gnawing at me for the last couple of months. i've always defaulted to saying i'm bisexual, or "no preference" or something. i don't have any preferences when it comes to physical attraction, i find everyone attractive. i know that there's a difference between romantic and physical attraction, and that's kinda where the confusion comes in for me. i think i'm aromantic or something like that, but idk. i've never really been in love with anyone, but idek if i'm able to identify love in that way. when i think back to someone who i thought i had romantic feelings for, i realize that those feelings weren't romantic at all. i just saw him as a viable, logical choice. when i think of a romantic partner, i can only think of someome who i'd be spending my entire life with; so i don't really let feelings take over, i just consider whether or not being with the person would make sense in the long term.

that all sorta changed recently, but idk not really. i've been down bad for this guy i work with . i don't think it's genuine, though. i met him when i lost my last few friends, so i was grieving + horribly lonely (still am). we have shared, niche interests, he's really the only person who is especially kind to me, he's the only person who seems genuinely interested in knowing me, he goes out of his way to talk to me. i can't even get that shit from my brothers who work in the same building as me, so i just became attached. logically, there's no way i could be with him. not just because i plan on dying relatively soon, there are some other reasons. if it were anyone else, i would've moved on and stopped caring the moment i realized that fact, but idk i'm still down bad lowk. i really don't think that i'm experiencing love, though. i felt very strongly towards him before we even had a proper conversation. i'm just latching onto the only person who is treating me with genuine affection/interest.

so, i don't know if i've ever experienced genuine romantic attraction towards anyone. i guess that would make me aromantic, but idk something about that doesn't seem to fit. i feel like if it made sense and i got to know the person, then i'd probably feel romantic attraction. it just hasn't happened yet. anyways, i can only consider men when i think about those possible romantic relationships, so ig i'm gay. but i still experience physical/sexual attraction towards women and everyone else, so not quite gay.

 

[TBONTB]

another thing that isn't a source a sadness or stress for me, just some miscellaneous thoughts + wondering if there's anyone here who can relate or provide some insight.

i've never cared that much about putting a label on my sexuality because i never really saw the point. i still don't see the point, but it's been gnawing at me for the last couple of months. i've always defaulted to saying i'm bisexual, or "no preference" or something. i don't have any preferences when it comes to physical attraction, i find everyone attractive. i know that there's a difference between romantic and physical attraction, and that's kinda where the confusion comes in for me. i think i'm aromantic or something like that, but idk. i've never really been in love with anyone, but idek if i'm able to identify love in that way. when i think back to someone who i thought i had romantic feelings for, i realize that those feelings weren't romantic at all. i just saw him as a viable, logical choice. when i think of a romantic partner, i can only think of someome who i'd be spending my entire life with; so i don't really let feelings take over, i just consider whether or not being with the person would make sense in the long term.

that all sorta changed recently, but idk not really. i've been down bad for this guy i work with . i don't think it's genuine, though. i met him when i lost my last few friends, so i was grieving + horribly lonely (still am). we have shared, niche interests, he's really the only person who is especially kind to me, he's the only person who seems genuinely interested in knowing me, he goes out of his way to talk to me. i can't even get that shit from my brothers who work in the same building as me, so i just became attached. logically, there's no way i could be with him. not just because i plan on dying relatively soon, there are some other reasons. if it were anyone else, i would've moved on and stopped caring the moment i realized that fact, but idk i'm still down bad lowk. i really don't think that i'm experiencing love, though. i felt very strongly towards him before we even had a proper conversation. i'm just latching onto the only person who is treating me with genuine affection/interest.

so, i don't know if i've ever experienced genuine romantic attraction towards anyone. i guess that would make me aromantic, but idk something about that doesn't seem to fit. i feel like if it made sense and i got to know the person, then i'd probably feel romantic attraction. it just hasn't happened yet. anyways, i can only consider men when i think about those possible romantic relationships, so ig i'm gay. but i still experience physical/sexual attraction towards women and everyone else, so not quite gay.

View attachment 179095

Well, great photo.

And i don't know if there is much value in figuring out what you "are". You are attracted to people regardless of gender. And you would like to have a closer relationship that's about more than attraction, but you haven't really found that yet. That all sounds fine!